Going Insane, Need Help

[Tempered81]

Hello ATOT,

This is a true insanity letter. Call this a plea for help or a cry for help. My life has been through some crazy twists, ups and downs. Deaths in the family and poor sibling relationships. I was very fortunate to come from an upper class family, nuveaux riche however. After blowing all their money and winding up dirt poor, now I"m almost 30 years old without much hope or prospects or "light at the end of the tunnel". No college education, good job, nest egg, or trust fund now with my life in "financial ruins".

After contemplating suicide, and attempting to ressurect a relationship with a sibling, I'm now at a dead end and tired of doing "the same thing over and over again expecting different results." My brother is taking care of me financially. Now I feel that I may require mental help as well. I cannot be any more detailed than this, and am just looking for general commentary.

The best advice I've heard so far is to "take a deep breath" and approach life "one day at a time" and that you cannot do it alone, everyone needs help and No man is an island. If anyone would care to send me a PM of specific advices, or post here it would be appreciated greatly. I've never really had a "genuine" bad time or felt the need to "ask for help". Never thought it would get this low and I would be "that guy" but here I am.

Thanks for your help

 

[William Gaatjes]

It is not that bad.

From reading your posts i have a made a few assumptions :

You are 30 years old. I assume you are healthy, when living healthy you will have enough time to solve your problems and restore your desired relationships.

You know what mistakes that you have made got you into trouble. Analyze those mistakes and learn yourself not to make them anymore.

Since your brother supports you and you feel bad about it, if you are not already doing so, you should start doing choirs to help him out. It will give you a good feeling that you are trying to balance the equation by doing something in return. This will also give you the hope that you can make a proper disciplined plan to help yourself out of the problems.
But as you have mentioned, indeed it is taking small but progressive steps at a time. Accept that sometimes you will take a step backwards. But that you must see as an incentive to take more steps forward for progression. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes. The trick is how to learn from your mistakes. Suicide is the easy way out and the way to hurt the people you care about the most. That must and should not be an option.

Improving yourself is all about looking back and learning from your mistakes. And to not make those mistakes again.

So you have a little less money. Perhaps when you one day will make enough again, you will know to spend it wisely. We all have been there or come at that crossroad sooner or later. Me myself Included.

 

[William Gaatjes]

This is the best advice i can give you :
Learn from the past.
Live in the present.
Think of and plan for a positive future.

 

[Zeze]

I just read a story about an escapee from North Korean concentration camp.

He talked about absolutely horrid stories. Eating grains of rice and corn only... so hungry he ate specks of grain found in cow dung. Guards beat up a little girl for having a little amount of extra grain. She was beat in the head, passed out, and silently died overnight.

They tortured him, he witnessed forced abortions by standing on a wooden plank with the woman below them, frequent live executions, etc.

One day he saw an opportunity to escape while working outside. He passed through the electric fence while his friend fried right before him. He NEVER knew of a free world. He was born in the camp as a political prisoner.

He escaped to China, spent 6 months in South Korea consulate, then sent home to South Korea.

This motherfvck did it. Our lives pale in comparison. I hope this atrocious story gives a sense of strength from within to go on.

 

[Miramonti]

I just read a story about an escapee from North Korean concentration camp.

He talked about absolutely horrid stories. Eating grains of rice and corn only... so hungry he ate specks of grain found in cow dung. Guards beat up a little girl for having a little amount of extra grain. She was beat in the head, passed out, and silently died overnight.

They tortured him, he witnessed forced abortions by standing on a wooden plank with the woman below them, frequent live executions, etc.

One day he saw an opportunity to escape while working outside. He passed through the electric fence while his friend fried right before him. He NEVER knew of a free world. He was born in the camp as a political prisoner.

He escaped to China, spent 6 months in South Korea consulate, then sent home to South Korea.

This motherfvck did it. Our lives pale in comparison. I hope this atrocious story gives a sense of strength from within to go on.

I saw that in a show...on netflix or pbs I think. Horrific conditions. Those leaders need a nuking. That kid was a surviver tho, amazing story.

 

[Ben90]

Become more responsible?

 

[Miramonti]

Your a only good job away from being on the right track. The best way to have a better future is to make today better. One step at a time, one effort at a time. Be patient with yourself, love yourself, and know that you've overcome things before and you'll do it again. These days there are a lot of people in your position believe it or not, and some also have families looking for their leadership, making it very very tough. It's not easy, and accepting support from your brother must be humbling, but it can happen to anyone. Just keep chugging forward, looking up and not down, and your brother will be proud and you'll be very proud of yourself for fighting the good fight, and your successes and victories will definitely come.

 

[Azraele]

Do you know what you want to do with your life? Instead than focusing on your situation, focus on how you can be who you want to be. What things can you do to improve? Focus on accomplishments, no matter how small. View mistakes as learning experiences. Never say "I can't." Rather, say "How can I?"

 

[kranky]

A wise man once said, "Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it." Yeah, it sounds like you had some bad breaks. You are in a tough spot today but it doesn't mean you have to stay there. You had money, but now you don't. Things can change and swing back the other direction as well.

You are not doomed to stay in your current situation. If there is no other option, you can file bankruptcy to get a fresh financial start. You can learn new skills, you can develop new relationships, you can decide to think positively.

Believe me, I know - when things are going wrong it's very hard to be optimistic or to think that things can get better. I urge you to see a counselor to help you through this period so you can refocus on the future. This will help you greatly. Please find a way to make that happen.

 

[Greenman]

You've had it easy for thirty years, now you're ill-prepared to face the real world. Your choices are exactly what you see before you, go get a job, work hard and better yourself, or check out.

 

[ajskydiver]

Hello ATOT,

This is a true insanity letter. Call this a plea for help or a cry for help. My life has been through some crazy twists, ups and downs. Deaths in the family and poor sibling relationships. I was very fortunate to come from an upper class family, nuveaux riche however. After blowing all their money and winding up dirt poor, now I"m almost 30 years old without much hope or prospects or "light at the end of the tunnel". No college education, good job, nest egg, or trust fund now with my life in "financial ruins".

After contemplating suicide, and attempting to ressurect a relationship with a sibling, I'm now at a dead end and tired of doing "the same thing over and over again expecting different results." My brother is taking care of me financially. Now I feel that I may require mental help as well. I cannot be any more detailed than this, and am just looking for general commentary.

The best advice I've heard so far is to "take a deep breath" and approach life "one day at a time" and that you cannot do it alone, everyone needs help and No man is an island. If anyone would care to send me a PM of specific advices, or post here it would be appreciated greatly. I've never really had a "genuine" bad time or felt the need to "ask for help". Never thought it would get this low and I would be "that guy" but here I am.

Thanks for your help

If you're a high school grad, join the military. You're not too old and obviously need help in finding direction in your life.

You won't need the college degree, it will be a "good job" and just FYI the majority of people on this planet don't have a trust fund or nest egg.

You're already a 99%er.

Seriously, join the military and make a contribution to your own life and society in general.

[That's as nice and sympathetic I can be given the info. provided.]

 

[Chiropteran]

It really sounds like the #1 thing you need is to get a job. ANY JOB. $10/hr working at Best Buy or something would be a fine start.

Also, this might sound silly, but getting a haircut can help a lot, just makes you feel cleaner and better.

 

[Ashenor]

As others have said, go out get a job. Problem is from what you have said you are not going to be happy making 10 bucks a hour, or feel like it will be degrading to work such a job. Bottom line is you don't have any job skills, and need to get working to feel better about yourself. You are not going to just get a 50k+ job tomorrow. Once working, start to make a plan of what you want to do with your life. Its not going to be a cush or easy life, but don't get caught up in making plans and doing nothing for the next year. Go out today, apply for jobs, who cares if its McDonalds or best buy ro whatever. Get out of the house and get working. I am not sure what the rifts are with your brother, but if he is helping you now i am sure he will be happy and bring you guys closer seeing you are out trying not just sitting at home. Also do some stuff around the house, he should not have to be your parent. Its nice he is helping out, but help him and try to earn your keep.

Make no mistake its not going to be easy, you are young enough that you can still get the ship back on track and start to feel a lot better about yourself and life.

Good luck.

 

[BudAshes]

Go to college. At 30 it will suck but start at community college and work your way to a degree that is actually useful. There are tons of people doing this nowadays so it's not like you will be stuck with only 18 year olds. There will be plenty of people older than yourself.

 

[Platypus]

You're in the driver's seat, OP.

If you want to make changes in your life, you have to take the first step and go out and do them. It's easy to have all these things pile up on you and for you to think its impossible to surpass, but that's bullshit. Take baby steps.

What sort of mental issues are you talking about? You can PM them if you like

 

[Albatross]

Get a job at first,no matter how shitty ,for stability.The last thing you would need in your situation is a psychosis.
DON`T isolate yourself from the world.

 

[DesiPower]

hmm... 30 and healthy... still another human being takes care of you... interesting... I wish I had that luxury. Man up, get off you a55 and work, you will never get a solution sitting at home and doing nothing. Work you ass off at Mcdonalds, the hard work with almost nothing pay will automatically get your brain working, after all you come from a good family, I am assuming you have a good IQ

 

[alkemyst]

I started over at 30. I am making a really good living right now at 41. It was slow starting out, but by mid to late 30's everything fell into place.

 

[Tim]

I was very fortunate to come from an upper class family

I stopped reading after this.

 

[Via]

If you're 30 and having these issues I would say you're in danger terirtory. Your phsycological state starts to harden the older you get, and change becomes increasingly difficult; I've seen it happen. Whatever you do - don't withdraw any further from society or you might find yourself trapped on the path of the hermit sooner that you think.

I would go to a career counselor at a local community college and see what's in demand in your area. See if your brother will help you with the tutition, but make a point to pay back everything. If he won't try to get a loan.

 

[Rakewell]

What's the matter with you people?

If he were to mention that he just lost his wife to cancer, would you retort with "dude, suck it up. You could've lost your whole family"?

Invalidating this poor guy's struggles isn't helping him.

No matter who's having a hard time in this world, there is always someone who struggles more. This doesn't mean that his pains are any less painful to himself.

 

[alkemyst]

I stopped reading after this.

did you kick your dog too?

 

[OILFIELDTRASH]

Just start working and doing things to improve your life. As the old saying goes keep your nose to the grindstone. One day you'll look around and say damn I did okay.

I always tell people my story so they see others pulled themselves out of a hole and they can do it too. I went to prison at 18. Couldn't keep any kind of job or stay off drugs long enough to even care. Almost 2 years in prison to think about what I wanted in life and if this was it. I do give God and my now wife credit for giving me strength to do it. I decided I wanted better and I wasn't the kind of guy that belonged with the animals you meet behind bars. I got out and started busting my ass, stayed away from bad influences, stayed clean, always tried to do what was right. Long story short I'm just an average Joe that's done okay. But you know being an average Joe to me is a huge accomplishment from where I started.

 

[Tim]

did you kick your dog too?

I never take advantage of the helpless, although I would consider making an exception if it were you.

 

[rudder]

I"m almost 30 years old without much hope or prospects or "light at the end of the tunnel". No college education, good job, nest egg, or trust fund now with my life in "financial ruins".

Go join the peace corp for a year or two. When you return your life will have been put in perspective and you will realize things are not to bleak.