God Jokes

[Infos]

Christian pickup lines pt 1
===========================

1) I'm pretty flexible. I don't think a woman
should be submissive on the first date.

2) I would like to pray with you

3) You know Jesus, Me too

4) No, I'm not coveting, I intend to make you mine

5) How about a hug, sister?

6) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy.

7) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug

8) Are you cold? Eccleseasties 4:11

9) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

10) What are your plans for tonight?
Feel like a bible study?

11) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty,
and feed the hungry", how about dinner?

12) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.

13) You want to come over and watch the 10 commandments tonight?

14) Is it a sin that you stole my heart?

15) Would you happen to know a Christian woman
that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?

16) Nice bracelet. What would Jesus date? I mean "do"

17) Do you believe in Divine appointment?

18) Have you ever tried praying at a drive in movie before?

19) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.

20) My friend told me to come and meet you,
he said that you are a really nice person.
I think you know him. Jesus, yeah thats his name.

21) What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace in the dark.

22) Yeah I predicted David over Goliath.

23) You know they say that you have never really dated,
until you have dated a christian.

24) What do you think Paul meant when he said,
"greet everyone with a holy kiss?" (1 Cor 16:20)

25) You have the body of Amy Grant and the soul of Mother Teresa.
(DO NOT get this confused!)

26) Nice Bible

27) Before tonight, I never believed in predestination.

28) Do you think "Ask, and it shall be given you"
is to be taken literally?

29) I practice our mission to "Love one another"
to the fullest extent

30) God told me to come talk to you

31) How do you feel about
"It is more blessed to give than to receive"?

32) I think we should celebrate
with a "love offering" tonight

33) When I saw you, I knew
the true meaning of "Rejoice and be Glad"

34) I didn't know angels flew this low

 

[McPhreak]

You know you're going to hell for this, right?

 

[SpecialEd]

<< 8) Are you cold? Eccleseasties 4:11 >>




lol... i thought this one was funny....

 

[Infos]

Certifiable :disgust:

 

[AreaCode707]

"Wow, man," Timmy said. "God parted the Red Sea and let all His people through on dry ground!"

"Sorry," said the 'biblical' scholar. "But that wasn't the Red Sea; it was the Reed Sea. And its water is only about 1 foot deep. No miracle was involved."

"Oh," said Timmy. Then, reading on a little more, he said,

"Wow, man! What a miracle! God drowned all those Egyptians in 1 foot of water!"

#################################################

A man was pondering all the questions of life, universe, and his own personal problem. The man could not find any answers so he sought help from God.

"God!? God?! Are you there God?!", he shouted.

God responded, "What is it my son?"

"I have a few questions, mind if I ask?"

"Go right ahead, my son ... anything.", God said

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "a million years to me is only a second".

"Hmmm", he wondered. Then he asked again, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"

God said, "a million dollars to me is only worth a penny."

The man lift his eyebrows and proceeded to ask a final question. "God can I have a penny?"

And God cheerfully said, "Sure!! ... in a second".

#################################################

Scientists completed building the largest and most powerful computer ever, with a zillion gigabytes of memory. They entered all the known information we have accumulated since the beginning of time. When they switched it on, the first question they put to the super computer was: "Is there a God?"

The computer exclaimed, "There is now!"


#################################################

When the preacher's car broke down on a country road, he walked to a nearby roadhouse to use the phone. After calling for a tow truck, he spotted his old friend, Harry, drunk and shabbily dressed at the bar. "What happened to you, Harry?" asked the good reverend. "You used to be rich."

Harry told a sad tale of bad investments that had led to his downfall. "Go home," the preacher said. "Open your Bible at random, stick your finger on the page, and there will be God's answer."

Some time later, the preacher bumped into Harry, who was wearing a Gucci suit, sporting a Rolex watch, and had just stepped out of a Mercedes. "Harry," said the preacher, "I am glad to see things have really turned around for you."

"Yes, preacher, and I owe it all to you," said Harry. "I opened my Bible, put my finger down on the page and there was the answer ... Chapter 11."

 

[BreakApart]

God jokes?

I think the Platypus is kinda funny.

 

[killface]

God and the devil are playing golf one day. The devil takes his shot, and it's pretty good, he's on the green.
God takes his shot and it goes way the hell off into the rough. The devil sort of laughs to himself until they see a squirrel pick up the ball and start running off with it.
No sooner than the squirrel starts to run with the ball, an eagle swoops down and picks up the squirrel, who is still holding on to the ball.
The eagle gets another couple of hundred feet with the ball when a bolt of lightning hits the eagle who ends up dropping the ball right into the first hole.
The devil turns to God and asks "Are you gonna play golf, or are you just gonna fvck around all day?"

 

[b0mbrman]

God jokes?
I think the Platypus is kinda funny.


Ha ha.

 

[Infos]

Hotchik and Killface


GOOD ONES !!!


After years of his wife's pleading, this rich good ole' boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning.

He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand. He said, "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!"

The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house."

The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was such a damn good sermon!"

The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!"

The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that i thought it was so damn good, I put 5000 dollars in that there collection plate."

And the Reverend said, "NO S&IT?"