Girlfriends that aren't from the same ethnic as you :(

[Koing]

My dad saw me in town with my girlfriend yesterday.

Last night they came back to ask some questions.

Today my mum gave me a lecture and a story about people not dating people from the same background. I'm Cambodian and shes Indian living in England.

I feel quite bad and upset that she bothered to she had to tell me this. You'd think she'd be more supportive. I can definately understand her caring and being concerned but my girlfriends not a crackhead or anything bad.

The Story she gave me.

There was a white girl that married a black guy. They later go in to business in a grocery store. They live in an area where they didn't like the black guy and wouldn't go in to the shop and buy stuff from the shop. They only bought stuff when the white wife was working. In the end there grew to be a lot of tension as the wife had to do everything. The white wifes family also was not happy about this. And my mum said something else.

We live in England and you see a lot of people from different ethnic backgrounds working and doing everything.

She also asked me where she lives, and what school she went to. Didn't tell her and just stayed quiet but did tell her that I didn't want to tell her yet. Shes older then me by 4 and a half years and that'll *probably* make my mum more unhappy. She did say I can listen or not but she was telling me anyway.

I'm 18 turning 19 I'm not looking for *marriage* anytime soon. This is my first serious relationship and definately marriage isn't an option until I at least get a full time job and have a place of my own.

She was also telling me its going to be easier if I had a girlfriend from the same background. Yeah sure but I see a SERIOUS lack of Cambodian girls about and they are too reserved and quiet and all things I am not.

My friends have it MUCH easier and there parents don't hassle them at all about their girlfriends but they are from the same backgrounds though. Maybe different if she was from a different background.

Just makes me sad that my mum had to give me a talk about this

 

[compuwiz1]

There was a white guy that married a black guy

Oh, really?

 

[Koing]

Originally posted by: compuwiz1

There was a white guy that married a black guy

Oh, really?

girl sorry edited my post for you compuwiz1

 

[Whitecloak]

probably your mom is right in advising you this way. Love is blind and all that but the fact is the world is not so liberal that inter-racial marriages are common. she is an indian right? so ask her how her family feels about it too. chances are that her family feels the same way too.

but if you two are really in love, dont pay attention to whatever anyone else says

 

[Amused]

Tell your mother it's attitudes like her's that makes it difficult for the subjects of her mythical interracial marriage.

While they may have a legimate beef about the age difference, their beef over race is simply racist.

 

[Skyclad1uhm1]

Her analogy does not fit either, it's not like the average Englishman distinguishes between one foreigner and another anyway. If you two would decide to form a couple and wouldn't go live in a purely Cambodian or Indian neighbourhood but in a mainly white mixed neighbourhood you shouldn't run into much discrimination anyway. Most Englishmen in the poorer parts will ignore your race and religion as long as you blend in a bit. This is more a matter of your parents discriminating than them thinking the rest of the country will. If they didn't care about her race they might warn you that it could be hard, but they wouldn't tell you not to.

She may well have the same problem by the way, so you might want to talk to her about this too. Tell her how your parents react, but ensure her that this does not change the way you feel nor how you look at her. Then ask her how she thinks her family would react to you two dating. That way you will face it together rather than alone.

 

[Pooteh]

just tell her to shut the f*ck up if she wants to see her grand children so mean.. yes so mean indeed

also mutter something about nursing homes

 

[Koing]

thanks guys you made me feel better. This talk with my mum was a bit of a bombshell to give me at 12pm.

Her family don't know about me and her parents would probably freak out if they knew about us. We'll get to that when we do.

Pooteh
whitecloak
Skyclad1uhm1AmusedOne

thanks.

 

[Isla]

I think that if you realize there will be some tension due to culture clash between you from time to time, and if you accept that this will be one of the challenges in the relationship (and a LOT of times it comes from the attitudes of your respective families), then it can still work out fine.

<---Hispanic married to White, and YES, there are many differences, prejudices, etc.

 

[FrontlineWarrior]

5 years older and different race, you sure know how to please asian parents

 

[MajesticMoose]

A 5 year difference isn't that big of a deal. my parents are 5 years apart and my boss and his wife are something like 20. Tell your mom that you don't care about her racist attitudes and that you love this girl and will continue to see her. I'm white and have a korea girlfriend (although she was adopted at birth by american parents). If my parents ever said anything, which they wouldn't, i would tell them to F-off, plain and simple.

 

[jjones]

I'm a white guy married to a Mexican girl. I didn't get any grief from my parents or family about it, I was 35 when I married so what can they say, but if they did give me any grief I'd have told them exactly what they could do with their attitude.

My wife's family gave me a little grief initially but I can understand because generally Mexicans are very protective of their women. After I took her mother and her brothers out to dinner (her father is dead) and basically re-proposed marriage to the entire family, they understood I was serious and have been behind me 100% ever since.

If you're serious about this girl, stick it out, the families will come around to it when they finally see you two are serious about it.

 

[Skyclad1uhm1]

Originally posted by: MajesticMoose
A 5 year difference isn't that big of a deal. my parents are 5 years apart and my boss and his wife are something like 20. Tell your mom that you don't care about her racist attitudes and that you love this girl and will continue to see her. I'm white and have a korea girlfriend (although she was adopted at birth by american parents). If my parents ever said anything, which they wouldn't, i would tell them to F-off, plain and simple.

In most such cases it's the man who is older. Here his gf is older, so his parents may use that to whine about too if they are looking for something.

 

[athithi]

Originally posted by: whitecloak
probably your mom is right in advising you this way. Love is blind and all that but the fact is the world is not so liberal that inter-racial marriages are common. she is an indian right? so ask her how her family feels about it too. chances are that her family feels the same way too.

but if you two are really in love, dont pay attention to whatever anyone else says

dude, are you really from Madras? :Q That's my hometown

 

[Aquaman]

If they still give you grief......... say that you understand.......... then a week later make sure your dad sees you walking down the street with a guy :Q That will fix them

Cheers,
Aquaman

 

[smooth1]

The longer you live, chances are that you will be behind in society's beliefs and values. Your mom's think society have not change that much to accept in inter-racial marriages and thus can be difficult for your survivial. In any case take comfort in your mom's opinion because it is preditable and nonthreatening. Since it is your life, you make the call.

 

[ElFenix]

Originally posted by: MajesticMoose
A 5 year difference isn't that big of a deal. my parents are 5 years apart and my boss and his wife are something like 20. Tell your mom that you don't care about her racist attitudes and that you love this girl and will continue to see her. I'm white and have a korea girlfriend (although she was adopted at birth by american parents). If my parents ever said anything, which they wouldn't, i would tell them to F-off, plain and simple.

its a big difference when you're 18. and your boss is robbing the cradle.

 

[UNCjigga]

d00d listen to your parents and DO NOT date Indian girls...especially those living in England!!!

















You're plundering our natural resources!!!! Hehe, j/k...Indian girls rock, but they are just like cats. They are very fickle girlfriends and its very difficult to earn their love/respect. Kudos to you for makin' it happen.

 

[samgau]

Don't sweat it dude, while there is still prejudice in the world for all the wrong reasons, it shouldn't stop you from dating whoever you wish to date.

While I understand that our parents deserve our respect and gratitude, the bottom line is that its your life, so you can tell your mom that you do appreciate her concern for your future but the world is a different place, inter-ethnic marriage is not uncommon anymore (4 in my family, including me ) and we have to be tolerant otherwise we only contribute to the prejudice.

peace

 

[TNTrulez]

Originally posted by: Pooteh
just tell her to shut the f*ck up if she wants to see her grand children so mean.. yes so mean indeed

also mutter something about nursing homes

:Q

 

[MichaelD]

I'm white, but have a serious thing for Hispanic Women. The classy kind though, not the Jennifer Lopez type.

 

[Oakenfold]

Bottom line here is that you still live with your parents right? I may have missed that part.

Respect your parents wishes, even if they are wrong and you know it with all your heart. They've raised you for 18 years, they deserve it.

When you move out on your own, do whatever you want.

This is my first serious relationship and definately marriage isn't an option until I at least get a full time job and have a place of my own.

Ahhh, so you do live with them. Best to keep calm waters until you have your own place to run and hide from your parents when you make them mad.

 

[Que-TiP]

i have a pretty good relationship with my parents, so i would tell them everything. They didn't like the fact I was seeing a girl with a different religion. But they calmed down after a while. I would worry about ti, especially if you're not planning on getting married.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: jjones
I'm a white guy married to a Mexican girl. I didn't get any grief from my parents or family about it, I was 35 when I married so what can they say, but if they did give me any grief I'd have told them exactly what they could do with their attitude.

My wife's family gave me a little grief initially but I can understand because generally Mexicans are very protective of their women. After I took her mother and her brothers out to dinner (her father is dead) and basically re-proposed marriage to the entire family, they understood I was serious and have been behind me 100% ever since.

If you're serious about this girl, stick it out, the families will come around to it when they finally see you two are serious about it.

I have to give you credit; you're a bigger man than I. See, I don't kiss anybody booty. I am an adult and don't need anyone's approval to do anything.

I understand that you were just helping YOURSELF by getting them on your side....I would have told them to fvck off if they didn't like my white ass. Props to you for taking the chance though.

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Originally posted by: jjones
I'm a white guy married to a Mexican girl. I didn't get any grief from my parents or family about it, I was 35 when I married so what can they say, but if they did give me any grief I'd have told them exactly what they could do with their attitude.

My wife's family gave me a little grief initially but I can understand because generally Mexicans are very protective of their women. After I took her mother and her brothers out to dinner (her father is dead) and basically re-proposed marriage to the entire family, they understood I was serious and have been behind me 100% ever since.

If you're serious about this girl, stick it out, the families will come around to it when they finally see you two are serious about it.

I have to give you credit; you're a bigger man than I. See, I don't kiss anybody booty. I am an adult and don't need anyone's approval to do anything.



I understand that you were just helping YOURSELF by getting them on your side....I would have told them to fvck off if they didn't like my white ass. Props to you for taking the chance though.

I had the opposite problem. Even though my family has more college degrees and a more respectable history than my husband's family has (by far!), they look down on me for my non-white heritage. I've learned to laugh at some of the things they say, but it has taken a long time. I know that it is just a pathetic need on their part to feel superior, but it is bad enough that my family requested they not have to be subjected it. My husband's family is very "Southern" and not always in a good way. They just come off as ignorant, rude, and socially inept when they pull that "We are too good to speak to you" routine. It has caused friction between me and my husband because he'd like us all to be one big happy family, but my family has a strong sense of pride and won't be treated with scorn willingly. He's finally accepted that my parents are not going to be invisible, lowly servants in the same room as the Queen Mother and Her Retinue. They've worked their whole lives to achieve respect and a decent measure of success and they shouldn't be subjected to such a rejecting, arrogant attitude under their own daughter's roof... and so we keep the families separate.

Ok, sad painful rant over.

Oh, and BTW... Hispanics can be pretty prejudiced against each other, too. I am half Spanish (Galicia and Asturias) and half Cuban, but in some circles, I don't mention the Cuban part, lol... and in other circles, I don't mention the Spanish side! Inter-ethnic snobbery is common in my town, at least it used to be. It's unfortunate, but it seems that many need to find a way to feel superior to others, and race is often an easy way.