Girlfriend studying in Italy for 9 months...

[reitz]

<< I on the other hand don't think everything is going to be ok... but what am i going to do? >>

Not a damn thing. If your relationship can't survive one nine-month seperation, then the two of you aren't right for each other.

The only thing you can really do is accept the seperation, and make the best of it. This is obviously something that she wants to do, and holding her back from it would be a selfish and cruel thing to do. You need to support her and encourage her to make the best of her time abroad, while you do the same at home. If you truly love her, let her go; if your relationship is solid enough nine months will fly by before you know it. At your age, though, you need to accept that the odds aren't in your favor.

My advice? If you really don't think your relationship will survive the seperation, then break up with her now and go to Mansfield in the fall. You'll both get so much more out of the experiences and grow as individuals. Get together once she's back, and see if the old feelings are still there. If so, then you're both better for it; if not, you've saved yourself nine months of worry, jealousy, and heartache.



FYI, not all long-distance relationships fail. My brother and sister-in-law were apart for 18 months while he was stationed in South Korea. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years, and have been apart for over three of them. It can work, but it takes a lot of effort, and most importantly, a lot of trust from both sides.

 

[rudder]

Hey don't worry about those other dumbasses saying she is going to be banging guido within a month. If she truly loves you she won't and it won't matter if you are on separate side of the Atlantic. If she doesn't truly love you, she would just as easily find someone here.

Before I got married I used to be away from my fiancee for weeks at a time. I worked for an airline and flew all over the country. I was even gone for 3 months and living in Miami while I was in training. She thought for sure I was never coming back. I had ample opportunity to stray. It was tempting since most of the places I went I knew I would never be back. But I loved my lady and even though we weren't married yet or even engaged, just knowing we had a spiritual commitment was enough. Don't listen to these other people that never see the light of day. If she says she won't stray then its best to just trust her.

You may even consider buying her a ring. Not an engagement ring or anything. Just something she can wear and be reminded of you. Plus you can write her letters everyday (not impersonal email but real paper something she can hold on to).

Yeh I am cheesy, I don't care. I dated this girl for 6 years and we have been married for 5.

 

[Pastore]

thanks for the positive enforcements rudder and reitz... ring sounds like a good idea... she has wanted one for a long time and i havent gotten her one yet... i have wanted to wait for a special time...

 

[rh71]

I know how you feel. June will be 4 years for us too. I would definitely NOT break up with her because of this... and you know she'll be back in the states after 9 months. Think of it as a test of your relationship... and bump in the road that you guys can look back at some years down the line and say you guys survived it. Harder said than done, but you're still young and you are very serious about her... it shows. I just hope for your sake that she is serious too.

 

[ThaGrandCow]

How can you people tell him to break up with her? If it's been going on for 4 years, it can stand a test like this. Beast1284: best thing to do is get a job and visit her every few months. If you and her survive this you'll be able to survive anything.

 

[Pastore]

thanks guys, i appreciate it

 

[kami]

4 years, man that's a long time. I don't think you have to worry about her getting any italian sausage. The only thing you have to consider is how she's going to be changed as a person. Moving away from what you're so used to for any period of time, especially something that long at an age like that, IS going to change someone. Hell I can't even begin to tell you how much I've changed since I came to college, and home is less than a 2 hour's drive away from here!!

It can still work when she gets back but you're going to have to figure out how to deal with the change.

BTW it'll fly by if you find something to occupy your time. Oh, and find a good long distance plan

 

[illustri]

holey jeebus im gonna be in exact situation next year
only diff is we been together for 1+ yr and separation is 3+months and gf's going to germany
i thought about the infidelity too, but you guys being together for 4 years should keep that possibility away
the changing is a new realization to me, and 9 months is a long time expecially when you're young - thats near a whole school year - think how different you were a school year ago
dont break up, the reasons you gotta come up with yourself

 

[illustri]

i forgot to add,
what about cell phone and webcam to keep in touch?
that what i thought i'd do with my gf

 

[LukFilm]

<< mansfield university, PA >>


Whohoo! My girlfriend graduated from there

 

[dababus]

i guess out of sight, then out of mind. you are still quite young, you'll be just fine.

 

[Jugernot]

All I gotta say is Give her a peice of that american salami now as I hear they have some of the best salami over there in Italy.....

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

<< ffm, where is your gf at? >>

We grew up and went to school together here in Oregon (met in HS). She's now in college in Santa Barbara and has plans to go to France for part of her studies.

nik

 

[Anghang]

<< im 19 shes 18 >>



very influential ages, hopefully this 4 yr relationship has formed such a bond that distance will only make your hearts grow fonder instead of allowing temptation by others to cloud your minds...9 months is a hell of a long time for someone to be fending off advances and charm...

all i gotta say is good luck...

 

[Gulzakar]

he found his good thing already, so why dont the rest of you whiners help him out!?

If what you say is true, and you know that she isn't "that" type of girl, then no, everything will be fine . I suggest though that you don't completely and blindly go into this thinking that everything will be ok. This is a new experience for her AND you are far away...things happen not because she doesn't care, but because people tend to get overwhelmed and caught up in the moment. You will know in due time if this relationship is going the way of the do-do. I'd say that if she really, really has some feelings for you, then just carry on and be happy. Don't think about whats going on in her life, because well, she'll be thinking the same thing.

One more thing, and I enourage you to do this, tell her this line "All I ask is this, should "something" happen or you find someone else, PLEASE just let me know...The longer you wait, the worse off I'd be"

 

[weezergirl]

what?! these people are telling u to break up with her? hehe. u know for a fact that she is coming back in 9 months...it's not like your future is up in the air. when else will she be able to do something like this? i think it's cool that she is going and i'm glad u are not breaking up with her over this.

i, on the other hand have no idea where my relationship is going. my bf had to go to new york in september and has been there ever since. he might come back this summer, we don't really know yet. but we've been sticking it out and made it work. and we had only been going out for almost 2 years before he had to go. i ttoally trust him and he trusts me. u guys have been going out for 4 years and seem to love each other very much. i'm sure it'll work out!!!!! just call each other everyday and let her know that u miss her. and take this time that u have alone to enjoy life and hang out with friends more that u may have neglected while in a relationship with your gf or even hobbies that she might not have enjoyed doing with u. etc.

good luck!

 

[Nefrodite]

aren't italian men the wussies or something? the ones that live at home with their mom past their 30s now days? mamonies or something.. bah bad memory.

That takes us to Italian men. Male children are ?of course? favored throughout the world?to the point where, in China (only for example, unfortunately) if you?re born female, it?s likely your life ends soon thereafter. And, if not, it is hellish thereafter. In Italy (I refer to the North), if you?re a boy, you are spoiled. I mean spoiled. You are coddled and admired and favored?the works?until, if your head were not screwed on tightly, it would spin right off. You are treated that way by both mother and father, but particularly and always by la Mamma. And girls? Girls are socialized to become mammas.

So the boys and girls grow up, get married. The young man plays around with one and another young woman until, typically, he is getting close to (or beyond) 40. Then he marries. He wants children. They arrive. And after a few years of having a full family (or during or before) he?s also having affairs again (or still). Va bene?




too lazy to look up a better article, anyways they are spoiled, their own women are trying to avoid marrying the lazy wankers, and when they move out.. they live next door so mamma can do their laundry doubtful a smart american woman will like that hehe. macho wussies..bah

 

[Skyclad1uhm1]

<< aren't italian men the wussies or something? the ones that live at home with their mom past their 30s now days? mamonies or something.. bah bad memory.

That takes us to Italian men. Male children are ?of course? favored throughout the world?to the point where, in China (only for example, unfortunately) if you?re born female, it?s likely your life ends soon thereafter. And, if not, it is hellish thereafter. In Italy (I refer to the North), if you?re a boy, you are spoiled. I mean spoiled. You are coddled and admired and favored?the works?until, if your head were not screwed on tightly, it would spin right off. You are treated that way by both mother and father, but particularly and always by la Mamma. And girls? Girls are socialized to become mammas.

So the boys and girls grow up, get married. The young man plays around with one and another young woman until, typically, he is getting close to (or beyond) 40. Then he marries. He wants children. They arrive. And after a few years of having a full family (or during or before) he?s also having affairs again (or still). Va bene?




too lazy to look up a better article, anyways they are spoiled, their own women are trying to avoid marrying the lazy wankers, and when they move out.. they live next door so mamma can do their laundry doubtful a smart american woman will like that hehe. macho wussies..bah >>



Recent statistics: Almost 1/3rd of Italian men between 30 and 34 are still living with their parents.

Italy is the country where a judge decided a woman wearing jeans can't have been raped, cause 'they are so hard to get out of'.
You do not want to walk around there as a woman alone, unless you want to be sexually harrassed and groped all the time. (Several female colleagues of mine noticed this, especially a blonde one)

Warn her in advance, and suggest she takes pepperspray along or an Uzi or something.