Girl Issues....Need some advice.

[Scarpozzi]

Alright....I'll give you the background info here and make it as short as possible. I'm 22 and in school. I work full time for the University that I also attend doing server administration (pretty nifty, eh?). Anyhow, I met a girl that's aunt and uncle live in my hometown. She goes to school 150 miles from me. I went out with her the first night and had a blast. We have a lot in common when it comes to music we listen to and she's REALLY cute 20 yr old named Valerie. Anyhow, I kissed her on the first date. We went out again the next night cause we were both in my hometown that weekend...however, I didn't kiss her the second night because I really liked her and decided that I didn't want to hurt myself by kissing her again and realizing that I wouldn't get to see her for a long time. Also, I didn't want to be a weekend fling and then not see her for months. So we've been talking and I went to see her once or twice over the course of the year...and she came to see me a few times when she could. I took her to a Cranberries concert (hehe), and she then took me to an amusement park (and paid for everything). I invited her to fly up to Maine for a weekend in September and we're gonna go. I really like her, but I'm still afraid to show her affection without knowing what she really wants....the distance is bothering me, I guess.

Now...to complicate things. My ex-gf and my roommate hooked up for a few weekends and both lied to me about it...that forced me to get depressed and go out and pick up someone. So that night, I met a girl and she came back to my place...we stayed up talking and she's cool, but she's nothing like Valerie. HOWEVER, she is really nice....but she's a 28 year old CPA. She makes $60,000 a year and just took me out last weekend for my Bday and bought me a $150 meal at the nices restaurant I've ever been to. I feel like I'm in debt to her in a way and don't want to hurt her because I do care about her and can tell that she really cares about me. We met about a month ago.

I know that Valerie dates other people cause she talks about them, but she hasn't had a steady boyfriend since Spring. She's really awesome and I'd totally like to make this work....but don't know if I'm just dreaming or if she'd even consider a serious relationship with me other than our friendship. I guess this trip to Maine will definitely help sort things out, but I need a little guidence or just an observation if someone can help me figure out if I should drop the CPA or forget Val......

 

[jaeger66]

Drop the CPA, guilt isn't a reason to date. It is, however, a fine reason to get married.

 

[Jzero]

Observations:
Sounds like you like Valerie more than the CPA chick. We all know accountants are dreadful company anyway just from watching Monty Python sketches.
You haven't actually discussed your relationship with Valerie WITH VALERIE--talk to her. Find out what she's looking for, if she feels the same way, if she is willing to try to make it work.

 

[NutBucket]

Uh, duh. Go after the girl you truly want to be with. Pretty obvious from the post that its Val. Seeing as how she's coming to visit you and taking you out shows that she's interested as well and all that's left is to say something about it! Come on man.

 

[Scarpozzi]

I actually did talk to Valerie on the phone and explained to her why I never showed her any affection that way when I was around her. I think she understood that it was because I respected her and didn't want to hurt myself or her. I don't want to be some guy that drives to see her when I feel like it for sex. I mean, that's what a lot of LD relationships turn into for whatever reason. I know I've never had one, but have enough friends that use those as easy booty-calls just because of the novelty of being "out of town". Kinda sleezy if ya ask me....

I even ran this whole thing by my mother and she was wondering why her "baby" was with a 28 year old. LOL. Sheesh.

 

[vi edit]

We all know accountants are dreadful company anyway just from watching Monty Python sketches.

Maybe the female accountants I work with are different, but they a bunch of party amnimals once you get a couple bottle of beer in them.

Never fails that at a company outing, somebody is kicked off the golf course, or escorted out of the casino

Oh and from personal experience, long distance relationships, especially newly forming ones, are very, very tough.

 

[Scarpozzi]

Originally posted by: vi_edit

We all know accountants are dreadful company anyway just from watching Monty Python sketches.

Maybe the female accountants I work with are different, but they a bunch of party amnimals once you get a couple bottle of beer in them.

Never fails that at a company outing, somebody is kicked off the golf course, or escorted out of the casino

Oh and from personal experience, long distance relationships, especially newly forming ones, are very, very tough.

Seems like you see where I'm coming from then. It's true....her friends and her are all party animals. They will start with beer and end with wine every weekend. Ever since I cut back on my alcohol, it's been awful cause I can't keep up with the girls that are drinking around me and I'm 6'4" and 214. It's pretty bad, but most of them are 26 and up...

 

[pulse8]

Don't commit to Valerie unless she plans on doing the same for you.

There's no reason why you should be exclusive and she can run around and date other men. It'd just be a silly situation.

Also, remember that it doesn't have to be one or the other. Things can not work out with Valerie and you can still dump the CPA and just find someone else completely.

 

[vi edit]

I'm just going out on a limb here, but I would not expect the relationship with the CPA to be anything more than a couple month fling. She's rapidly aproaching the big Three "O". She's quickly loosing her youth. You are last ditch effort to extend that reckless lifestyle that she had 8 years ago. You are young, naive, and putty in her hands(or so she assumes). She wants a young boy toy that she can pull out at her discretion when she's had a rough day. She'll give you a call, you'll hit the bars, and you go back and screw like rabbits. She'll boot you out of bed at 11:00, since she has to in to work at 8:00 AM.

It'll be a fun ride, I can guarantee, but it will also be a short one. If you can handle the emotional aspect of being "used" for sex, then it'll be one of the best couple months of your sexual life. If that doesn't interest you much though, then I say stay away.

 

[codehack2]

Originally posted by: vi_edit
I'm just going out on a limb here, but I would not expect the relationship with the CPA to be anything more than a couple month fling. She's rapidly aproaching the big Three "O". She's quickly loosing her youth. You are last ditch effort to extend that reckless lifestyle that she had 8 years ago. You are young, naive, and putty in her hands(or so she assumes). She wants a young boy toy that she can pull out at her discretion when she's had a rough day. She'll give you a call, you'll hit the bars, and you go back and screw like rabbits. She'll boot you out of bed at 11:00, since she has to in to work at 8:00 AM.

It'll be a fun ride, I can guarantee, but it will also be a short one. If you can handle the emotional aspect of being "used" for sex, then it'll be one of the best couple months of your sexual life. If that doesn't interest you much though, then I say stay away.

I don't know how old you are vi_edit... but your analysis and advice is very wise to say the least. Take notes boys.

CH2

 

[GizmoFreak]

Sounds like you really like this Valerie. I think you owe it to yourself to give it a shot. Make clear to her your intentions. If she doesn't feel the same way, at least you know. If she does want to pursue something, then yes, a long distance relationship will be tough. But if you like this girl as much as you sound like you do, then it will be worth a try I think.

But what I really wanted to say was, pics?

 

[Moonbeam]

I'm not sure whether you're asking for advise or showing off. I can't escape the feeling that you are profoundly self centered and unself aware, enotionally immature, or young, if you will. Not intended to put you down, just an observation of what I see as factual. Doesn't mean you are bad or retarded or any other negative, just rather typical, actually.

Why do I say so? Well first off lets take this: "Now...to complicate things. My ex-gf and my roommate hooked up for a few weekends and both lied to me about it...that forced me to get depressed and go out and pick up someone."

That forced me to get depressed....hahahaha. What a load. Nobody forced you to do anything. YOU did that all by yourself. It was your choice and your decission. What possible reason could you possibly have to try to deflect responsibility for your own actions onto somebody else? I think you are hiding your feelings from yourself because you don't want to see something rather unpleasant about yourself, unpleasant, of course to you and your idealized image of yourself, not to me. I've already got a taste of what a sh!t I am, so I'm not surprised or worried about you.

So it sounds like you're pissed off that your ex and your roomie are getting it on. Why do you care? You should be happy for them. It's over right? Oh but they lied, right? Why? Maybe they know you better than you know yourself. What, don't want the ex to have a life because she maybe hurt you somehow? You are very worried you will hurt yourself on somebody. I love that. "I hurt myself on somebody" Hehe! Sharp edged I guess.

So we got the ex, the CPA and Val, partly why I wonder if you're boasting or asking for advise, but anyway. What happened to the ex? Howq did that one go bad. Naturally if you think other people are causing you to do what you do then I wouldn't expect you to have too much insite into what happened with the ex girlfriend in terms of what faults you brought to the table, but if you can't or don't look at that you will bring the same thing to the table with girlfriend 2 or wife 5. Serewed up relationships will always be somebody elses fault for you. Just asking you to think here. No need to defend yourself and prove me wrong. I'm just giving you some things to think about. We're3 exploring issues.

So we need to see if there are unresolved issues with the ex, or more likely, we need to see what the issues are because all the evidence points to them being there.

Now we come to the issue of having two irons in the fire. This , of course happened because you decided to go for two women at one time. Again, you did this, nobody else. And it happeded, I'd say because you couldn't go in a straight line, you couldn't persue the relation with Valerie because you didn't want to hurt yourself on her. Hehe. So have you hurt yourself on her? Sounds like you did big time. You have made a mess of things because you didn't want to get hurt. My advise, get hurt, get hurt big time. Die for love, expose yourself, risk, take a chance. You idiot! (I say that with kindness as a sort of friendly push) To be emotionally save is to be dead, to lock yourself away from life, to be, in a word, egotistical, in two, selfish. Val or your CPA both deserve a living breathing man, somebody who can be emotionally vulnerable, somebody who isn't protecting their pretious ego from pain. You need to find out why you are unwilling to feel, to love, to be spontaneous with your feelings. You think it's because you don't want to get hurt, but a little bird told me that you really don't want to go through pain you already felt a long time ago. But don't feel alone here. The whole world is trying to do the same. What could be more insane than trying to prevent what already happened?

Good luck to you!

 

[Scarpozzi]

Moonbeam. I see how this may seem, but I assure you...I'm seriously distraught over the situation. My ex and I broke up because before we met a long time ago, she was pregnant... She wanted me to fill the 'daddy' role of her child pretty much and I was only 19 years old at the time. I wasn't quite to that stage in my life yet....and like I said, I wasn't the father. I did care for her. As far as me saying I was 'forced to feel depressed' or whatever...I phrased that wrong. Just trying to explain what I was feeling. I think I wasn't really depressed, but just sad that I was lied to by my roommate and my exgf. There was a total lack of respect and I wouldn't have been bothered if they had just asked.

I really like Valerie, but after thinking about this all morning, I don't think I'm going to try real hard to have a relationship with her. I'm going to spend time with her when I can and just see where things go. I'll definitely take a little time to find out how she feels about me. I called her a few minutes ago and she told me that she was going to have a party this Thursday night that she wanted me to try to make it to. So I might just have to drive up to see her and take Friday off from work.

As far as my current, local gal. She is not all about using me. We do go out and have fun, but she's not using me for sex. I'm afraid that she's already got feelings for me. The first week we were together, she thought I was trying to pick up her best friend and a few weekends ago, I didn't call her when I was out of town and she went off on me for not checking back in with her. I think she's already trying to capture me into some kind of long term committment here. That's probably why I'm so nervous about our relationship. I guess things will work out and we'll see where they go..... Thanks for your help.

 

[gotsmack]

too hard to decide without pics.

you're 22 (I'll be 22 in October) don't worry about long term relationships for another 2 or 3 years. Long distance relationships suck.