GF wants to get marry - Reason why I dont want to!

[Miramonti]

This girl doesn't sound ALL that bad! She cheated once, and has parents who need money...that doesn't make her the devil.

Are her parents irresponsible or just having hard times? If my parents needed dough for food and stuff I'd have no problem with that. If they needed it for a 32" television, thats different.

She may be a very responsible person, even though she recently made a big mistake.

I see the biggest risk here tho as her (and you?) being so young! People go through alot in their early 20's and I wouldn't recommend placing such a large bet on your future like that so early on, particularly with her so young. If you already have a kid or something, that could influence my opinion differently, but at this point, there's no need for marriage now!

(besides, since she just screwed up bigtime, she might be using the word "marriage" just to make her feel more secure with you committing to stay with her, and not to necessarily want to commit the rest of her life with you.)

 

[Red Dawn]

Run fast and far and don't look back because that she devil and her family are on your tail.

 

[Freejack2]

Dude, if she hadn't cheated, maybe you could lay down some rules to her and her parents and gave it a shot but for fvcks sake she's cheated on you.
What happens if 5 - 10 years from now your job needs you to work on a site far away for 3 weeks. You finish early and decide to suprise your wife, only to walk in and find her with another man. This will especially suck if you've had kids by then. If she can't tell you how she's feeling and she has to go and cheat, this woman is not for you. You sound like a nice guy and I don't think you deserve the treatment you've been getting. Her parents act pissy because you don't act "asian" by their standards yet you can bet they'll turn around and ask you for money once the two of you are married.
I know you don't want to hear this, but it's time to move on. I've seen friends in a similar boat and I've had a situation not all unlike what you're dealing with. I walked away from a woman who was admittedly worse than your girlfriend and it was the best thing I could do for myself. A few months later I met the wonderful woman I married.


You have 2 choices.

1) Lay the rules down. Require her to attend relationship counseling with you so maybe if she really is just feeling lonely then she will learn to communicate this better and you'll learn to see the signs/listen better. Lay the law down with her parents. Tell them they don't tell you how to act asian or make comments about who or how you are. Also if you choose to give them money it's your choice, they need to know that they can't demand or expect it. It's one thing if you have some extra money and you give it to them but you shouldn't have to make sacrifices for them.

2) Find a new place to live. You can either tell her you are ending the relationship and move out in a month or whatever. The danger in this, is she might go psycho and do things like lock you out of the apartment, or worse. The other option is to take a day off of work, and when she leaves for work move all your stuff to a new place. Then wait at your old place for her to get home. Explain your decision and get up and walk out. Be prepared to have to restrain her on the off chance she attacks you or something. You can also tell her parents so they will see to her so she doesn't do something stupid. They'll hate you but they'll respect you for taking the time to let them know so they can prevent her from doing anything stupid.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

If you aren't thinking that there is a good chance that you will marry her, then you need to break it off and move on.

 

[Alphathree33]

<something marginally witty goes here> does not qualify as marginally witty, FYI

 

[venk]

If you take only one word from this thread, this should be it:


PRENUP!


Remember it
tape it on your bathroom mirror
Put it in big, bold letters in front of your toilet
Write it on your dashboard
just dont forget


PRENUP

 

[venk]

Originally posted by: Alphathree33
<something marginally witty goes here> does not qualify as marginally witty, FYI

He isn't too far off. I belive it qualifies as mediroically witty.

 

[LuckyTaxi]

Here's the update!!!

The one thing I asked her to do when I decided to give her another chance was to call the guy and tell him that they are now over with. She said she would and I left it at that. I then found out he kept calling her, but she insisted that she picked up and told him she couldn't talk. I got pissed and told her to call him and tell him NOT TO CALL AGAIN cuz her bf doesnt like it. She said she already did, and she can't refrain him from calling as he wishes. Well, I told her to call again and this time do it with me standing there. She forcefully objected and told me she did call him and he wouldnt listen and thats why he keeps calling. Well, the fact that she didnt want to call in front of my face, and now she's been erasing ALL numbers in her CALL LOG has made me suspicious. She went out with her gfs tonite (i'm sick at home) to go see some fireworks and I asked her to borrow her cellphone. She told me no and she needed it but I took it anyways. well, GUESS WHO CALLED?!?!?! The guy!

I got so pissed and told him off but at the same time told him he could have her. I then call my gf's friend's cellphone and got a hold of her and told her I was leaving her. We yelled at one another and she told me it's not her fault, but come on now! He keeps calling and after a while someone would get the hint if a girl told them not to be calling. I think my gf was lying and this goes to show she is still talking to him. It's interesting how she could see herself with him - drunk loser who sits at home and drinks all day!

Adios to her! I finally did it!

 

[Hoeboy]

gj. i better not see your ass back here in a few days posting a thread about missing and wanting to get back with her.

 

[LuckyTaxi]

no man this is it. She's been getting on my nerves lately. Today she wanted togo out so badly. She knows I have strep throat and
I'm feeling better but not 100%. No way in hell was I going to go to the beach with millions of other ppl when I'm not feeling like
my usual self. That along with the fact that she's been criticizing me about looking down on her friends. Well, it's kinda hard not
to if all they do is beat on their gf and get drunk everyday.

 

[Renob]

Many of you guys probably remember when I made a post about a month ago in regards to my gf cheating on me.
Well, things are well now,


How the HELL can "things be well now" after she cheated on you ONLY a month ago?

Dude I have a bridge I would like to sell you, OK?

I got pissed and told her to call him and tell him NOT TO CALL AGAIN cuz her bf doesnt like it.

Dude you have some major issues to deal with. Just read this last statement a few times and tell what you were thinking.

 

[LuckyTaxi]

Originally posted by: Renob
Many of you guys probably remember when I made a post about a month ago in regards to my gf cheating on me.
Well, things are well now,


How the HELL can "things be well now" after she cheated on you ONLY a month ago?

Dude I have a bridge I would like to sell you, OK?

See above your post...

 

[Renob]

Ok you need to end it Today.

 

[venk]

congrats lilcam, it may hurt now, but you will be happier in the long run.


G Luck to you.

 

[Freejack2]

That wasn't exactly the best way to end it, but it looks to me like it wasn't a high communication relationship. If you were having these problems now, imagine what you'd be putting up with later.
I don't know if you've broken up with anyone before, but if you haven't I can tell you it'll hurt like a motherfvcker at first. Don't do anything rash and talk to her only if you ABSOLUTELY have to until you can talk to her calmly for extended periods of time. Don't be suprised if it takes a few months to feel calm about it. After a while you'll start to feel better and I've noticed from myself, coworkers, and friends that once they bounce back they start dating again and things go pretty good.

Mind you it's not impossible that this was just a major fight waiting to happen but if she won't listen to you then things have gone pretty south...

 

[Fulcrum]

I believe the saying goes "to forgive is divine"

Yes it is, it's just that some people are better off forgotten after they've been forgiven. This girl is one of those people.

-------------------

Good for you, Lilcam! You did the right thing. This girl strikes me as the type that's not going to go away easily though. Make sure you let her know ALL the reasons you broke up with her. She needs to know it was more than just the phone thing. Tell her how it is, and get your closure so you can move on. DO NOT try to "remain just friends" with her! Say what you need to, and then tell her you don't want to have any more contact with her. The hardest part may be yet to come. Some people don't handle being dumped well. You need to be strong and move on. Good luck!

 

[DDCSpeed]

lil cam,

You know what...99% of the girls dont know what they want... but the fact that she asks for you to marry you... she should know what she wants. However, I dont see it from her actions and behavior! I think most of the people will tell you that seeing is believing and the fact that she will not tell him off in front of you says something to me. There is something going on. I know you dont want to admit it and hope that there is nothing going on................Sigh! I was once in your shoe and those signs that you being getting is true. I hope the best for you and good luck. I wont be replying to this thread anymore.

Also, I noticed that there is a few people calling lil cam an idiot... I dont think its appropriate to call someone that when they are asking for advice and suggestion.

 

[SaltBoy]

Well done, lilcam.

NOW DON'T LOOK BACK. EVER!

 

[Orsorum]

This is advice I got from my stepmom when I broke up with a gf of a year who was abusive and, IMO, would have cheated on me within a few months anyways (she was an attention-whore that way, going to different schools and all...)

Here's a hint, maybe something you don't know or haven't thought about.
Girls LOVE to spend endless hours mulling this kind of crap over...and
over, and OVER, talking about why you said this, and what did he really
mean, and he wouldn't have said this if he meant that and....it's enough to
make you want to gouge out your own eyes. Let her have those conversations
with her girl friends - that's what they're there for. Anything more than
the brief conversational "Hi how are you " kinds of things will lead her
to believe there's something more to talk about...with YOU heaven forbid,
and you'll wind up going to Foss's to buy an ice pick to use on your own
temple, just to stop the pain. And we don't want that. Also, some (many)
girls (like your sister, bless her pointy little head) can never let it be
"over". They stay engaged (not in the marital sense) forever - for
example, Angela can't seem to shake loose of several of the .....losers to
coin a phrase...that she's dated over the years. It's the "crying at the
end of the movie" syndrome - just can't STAND it when something is over, so
let's make sure it ISN'T over. You've both reached a conclusion, - I
assume this was a mutual decision - now MOVE ON. And remember that for
every door you close, another opens somewhere else.

Character flaws???? Not yours???

And I think this holds true here... you've obviously taken your share of sh!t from this girl... don't take any more. Sounds to me like you've finally done it and cut it off... good. Leave it at that.

In the future... I would suggest you get some counseling, make some female friends, etc... enjoy being single, but take care of yourself and try to heal. Takes a lot after a relationship like this.

Good luck.