Did you take her home and take care of her? I've had to do that sort of thing before, and frankly, I would rather never do it again. First she says she wants to date other people, and then she says she loves you, all when she is drunk. In my opinion, you guys need to have a serious talk. Wait until she gets over her hangover in the morning, and then try to talk about the relationship. Ask her how she feels and what she wants from it. If she wants to see other people, breakup then and there. Don't let her drag you along on her ride. Don't agree to a open relationship or anything of the sort, because that will lead to you coming and bailing her out when she needs a ride or someone to love. You deserve better than to be that guy. Good luck, and please PM if you want to talk more. I've definitely been there.
Ryan
Ryan
Maybe it's like a damsel in distress/saver of damsel type of relationship, she likes being saved, you like saving. Or maybe a "Wild Child" and "Tamer" kind of thing, that works too.
i dont understand.
this is normal early 20 year old stuff.... she doesnt have kids, shes not married, why shouldnt she do whatever she wants?
i do agree though, that she is disrespecting you and that you need to talk to her about whats goin on but dumping someone because they go out with their girls everysooften and get tanked? thats a bit extreme.
*eyeroll*
*kat. <-- been known to drink.
this is normal early 20 year old stuff.... she doesnt have kids, shes not married, why shouldnt she do whatever she wants?
i do agree though, that she is disrespecting you and that you need to talk to her about whats goin on but dumping someone because they go out with their girls everysooften and get tanked? thats a bit extreme.
*eyeroll*
*kat. <-- been known to drink.
If its once in a while, its not a big deal. If she does this every weekend, youve got a problem.
Koing
Elite Member <br> Super Moderator<br> Health and F
- Oct 11, 2000
- 16,843
- 2
- 0
ditto. I say I would probably stick with her if it was only the drinking. But she smokes weed and I definately wouldn't date a girl that did that. Smoking for me would be a big turn off also.
Shes young and she wants to have fun. Hell I get slaughtered when I go drinking at times but I never do weed/drugs and we always have someone not drink on that night as I am not getting in to any car with a drunk. ALL of my friends respect this idea and no one breaks it.
The bad thing I see it is that shes dierespecting you and your relationship. If it bothers you then end the relationship with her. Find someone else who wants more of the same things with you.
glenn1
Lifer
- Sep 6, 2000
- 25,383
- 1,013
- 126
Sorry mate, but you don't have a girlfriend. You have the acquaintance of someone of the female gender, who you chartiably call your girlfriend but is really only a ill-mannered, petulant, weak minded and hopelessly immature addict. You're giving her far more credit than she's deserving of by caring about her, as she is utterly unworthy of being given that attention by you. You shouldn't even be giving her the time of day, much less be calling her your girlfriend.
My advice would be to break things off with her immediately, and avoid all contact with her as much as possible. Don't accept her phone calls, don't spend time with her, don't come bail her out when she's drunk off her ass or high as a kite. Tell her that you have no desire whatsoever to see or know her unless and until she's clean and sober, and
hold your ground and don't back down on that point.
If she doesn't act to get cleaned up, she's not worth knowing. And if you do care about her, even if it costs you a "girlfriend" to deliver a message strong enough to get her to change her ways, that means it will mean more to you for her to be clean, sober, and not with you, rather than an addict and with you.
good lord, what's the problem with getting drunk every now and then? It doesn't fundamentally change one's moral character or the validity of one's relationships. I've been with my girlfriend for over two years now, things are still going very well, and <gasp> i went out last night without her and got drunk.
my guess here is that the people who are so quick to say that someone who "parties" cannot have a steady relationship is simply not experienced with drinking and thus wishes to demean this act with which he/she is not familiar.
my guess here is that the people who are so quick to say that someone who "parties" cannot have a steady relationship is simply not experienced with drinking and thus wishes to demean this act with which he/she is not familiar.
This probably isn't the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with, but she sounds like she's fun in the short term!
- Oct 28, 1999
- 62,484
- 8,345
- 126
There's getting drunk, and then there is drinking enough alcohol to inebriate a small chinese village. A gf/bf going out to the bars with some friends for a while and getting a little happy is fine. Driving around puking out of windows with a car full of drunk and stoned people and calling in the middle of the night saying that you are going to cheat on your significant other IS NOT COOL.
I dated a girl like this. I worked weekend nights and couldn't go out with her. She'd go out, get completly bombed to the point where she couldn't even walk, and then she'd wind up dumped in front of my room so that I could take care of her in the morning. I had to clean her up, get some food in her, and hear how miserable she was feeling.
It happened once, and I told her never again. It happended a second time, and we were done. Over. Splitsville.
I had enough stress as it was. I didn't need to worry about her getting drunk, passing out in the back seat of a car, and getting raped(which nearly did happen). I didn't need to worry about whether or not the car she was in would wind up wrapped around a telephone pole on the way back from wherever they were drinking.
There's a lot of other women out there. It should be no problem finding one that can at least act remotely responsibly.
LostHiWay
Golden Member
- Apr 22, 2001
- 1,544
- 0
- 76
bit of advice from my own experience....
Don't try to be nice and angry at the same time. Like you said you held her hair back for her when she was puking. Don't!! Your angry right? Next tell her that if she gets puke on your car she's going to scrubbing it out or paying to have it done.
Most girls don't like it when you you try to be nice when your angry. She figures that since your so nice about it she might as well do it again. Just let her have it.
Don't try to be nice and angry at the same time. Like you said you held her hair back for her when she was puking. Don't!! Your angry right? Next tell her that if she gets puke on your car she's going to scrubbing it out or paying to have it done.
Most girls don't like it when you you try to be nice when your angry. She figures that since your so nice about it she might as well do it again. Just let her have it.
As much as I feel for you; thank you for this post. It actually brightened my day knowing I'm not the only one who occasionally has to deal with this sh*t.
My girlfriend called me last night from Vegas (she is there with her Aunt). Called me piss drunk from a bathroom inside a club. Exact words:
"<lists all the drinks she's had>.. I can't promise I won't keep off of other guys tonight, but I'll try. I don't mean to be mean, but I am having fun.<mumbles some more drunken stuff, more girls enter the bathroom and she hangs up>."
Got to love that warm fuzzy feeling it leaves in the pit of your stomache!
Well, if it's any consolation your not alone out there. I just think it's funny, because (I'm generalizing here) if a guy ever called his girlfriend up and said something like that while puking out a car window... I don't think there would be any rational "is what she did wrong?" questions.. it would be a cover your nuts and run like hell situation!
My girlfriend called me last night from Vegas (she is there with her Aunt). Called me piss drunk from a bathroom inside a club. Exact words:
"<lists all the drinks she's had>.. I can't promise I won't keep off of other guys tonight, but I'll try. I don't mean to be mean, but I am having fun.<mumbles some more drunken stuff, more girls enter the bathroom and she hangs up>."
Got to love that warm fuzzy feeling it leaves in the pit of your stomache!
Well, if it's any consolation your not alone out there. I just think it's funny, because (I'm generalizing here) if a guy ever called his girlfriend up and said something like that while puking out a car window... I don't think there would be any rational "is what she did wrong?" questions.. it would be a cover your nuts and run like hell situation!
LostHiWay
Golden Member
- Apr 22, 2001
- 1,544
- 0
- 76
Originally posted by: ProUser
As much as I feel for you; thank you for this post. It actually brightened my day knowing I'm not the only one who occasionally has to deal with this sh*t.
My girlfriend called me last night from Vegas (she is there with her Aunt). Called me piss drunk from a bathroom inside a club. Exact words:
"<lists all the drinks she's had>.. I can't promise I won't keep off of other guys tonight, but I'll try. I don't mean to be mean, but I am having fun.<mumbles some more drunken stuff, more girls enter the bathroom and she hangs up>."
Got to love that warm fuzzy feeling it leaves in the pit of your stomache!
Well, if it's any consolation your not alone out there. I just think it's funny, because (I'm generalizing here) if a guy ever called his girlfriend up and said something like that while puking out a car window... I don't think there would be any rational "is what she did wrong?" questions.. it would be a cover your nuts and run like hell situation!
You know what that means? She was kissing and grinding with some guy then started feeling guilty called you and told you that..then went back to kissing and grinding with the guy or guys since she called you.
There is a difference between going out an having a few drinks with friends, or even getting bombed with friends, and what his girlfriend was doing. Granted she should be able to do whatever she wants. She doesn't have to answer to anyone but her self in the long run. However, if a person wants to have a relationship with another person, part of that involves self control and consideration. I was in a relationship where my GF would get piss drunk and would talk about breaking up with me, hooking up with other guys, etc, and it really, really hurt me. I ended up taking care of her anyway, because I was (and still am probably) a big pussy. Did she have every right to do what she did? Absolutely, but I got hurt in the process. I just didn't know better at the time, and I should've walked.
Sorry kat, but I disagree with you on this one. If your BF did the same thing, there would be no question in your mind that it was over.
Ryan
Pliablemoose
Lifer
- Oct 11, 1999
- 25,195
- 0
- 56
Might as well buy a blow up doll as sleep with most drunk chicks... Even I figured that one out a couple of decades ago.
Its not about getting drunk, its about what she says when she gets drunk. Personally, Im not a drinker, more of a smoker. But she goes out and gets drunk with her friends, and then calls me up and professes her undying love.
Go figure.
Go figure.
yeah cuz the minute someone has the title of bf/gf they have to spend every minute chained together.
I wanna party with your girlfriend j/k
hope everything works out cool...i didnt realize there were AT ppl local
-Alex
hope everything works out cool...i didnt realize there were AT ppl local
-Alex
yllus
Elite Member & Lifer
- Aug 20, 2000
- 20,577
- 432
- 126
The "seeing other people once she goes back to school" part needs to be clarified between you two IMMEDIATELY. Otherwise my opinion is not to overreact wildly. Depending on how often she gets explosive-vomit drunk or high there really shouldn't be a problem.
She doesn't really seem to be doing anything wrong, you just have a difference in opinion towards the morality of drinking and smoking weed. Both things are a weekly occurance up here in all university towns and I'm surprised that people on AT would be so ready to ditch a person who did one or the other regularly (but not to the point of being out of control). Basically you may want to end this relationship because it bothers you to have your SO do these things, but don't make it out to seem like she's a bad person for doing them.
From my perspective it seems that you're just uptight about things that are not really your concern - you're the b/f, not the father. I think you need to go out with the guys on the same night she goes out with the girls, and perhaps block her number. Forget about her and do your bit. Have faith that she can take care of herself not to end up under some guy that night and she should do the same. But it all depends on the specific two individuals involved.
*sully. <-- pulled over last night to be checked for drinking + driving. Was drinking carbonated cranberry juice only all night.
She doesn't really seem to be doing anything wrong, you just have a difference in opinion towards the morality of drinking and smoking weed. Both things are a weekly occurance up here in all university towns and I'm surprised that people on AT would be so ready to ditch a person who did one or the other regularly (but not to the point of being out of control). Basically you may want to end this relationship because it bothers you to have your SO do these things, but don't make it out to seem like she's a bad person for doing them.
From my perspective it seems that you're just uptight about things that are not really your concern - you're the b/f, not the father. I think you need to go out with the guys on the same night she goes out with the girls, and perhaps block her number. Forget about her and do your bit. Have faith that she can take care of herself not to end up under some guy that night and she should do the same. But it all depends on the specific two individuals involved.
*sully. <-- pulled over last night to be checked for drinking + driving. Was drinking carbonated cranberry juice only all night.
A-HA! But she's not rebounding! She's been with the guy for a year. She told me yesterday she doesn't view sleeping with other people as cheating anymore. Whoo-eee. What a mess.
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