Get your refund for fake penis and breast enlargment pills, and other fake herbal cures

shadowjack

Member
Mar 24, 2002
43
0
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Some Anandtech members may have purchased penis or breast enlargement pills or other herbal "remedies" from C.P. Direct, Inc. in Arizona. (There were 450,000 suckers, I mean victims, so there have to be a few here, right?) Those of you who did will be astounded to learn that these pills do not work. (I'm certain you are shocked -- shocked! -- to learn this.) As a result of actions by the Arizona Attorney General's office, anyone willing to admit they were swindled can get a full refund. All you have to do is certify you bought the products.

Here is the story about the case: News Story at AZ Central

Who is eligible for a refund?

Purchasers of C.P. Direct?s Longitude, Full & Firm, Stature, bio STAC, d-Zire, Euphoria, fat BLOK, Follicure, Inferno A, Inferno B, Inferno C, Liquatherm, Liquamax, Long Jack, or N-R-G products are eligible to request a refund of uncompensated loss if they never received a full refund from the seller, their credit card company or other party.

Go here for your refund: CP Receivership

But, remember, you can only get a refund if you are willing to certify that you purchased the product and never obtained a refund from the company or your credit card company.
 

Robor

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
16,979
0
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I was doing IT support on a new site. I got on the subject of computers with one of the painters. During it he mentioned that his girlfriend made about $1K per week selling these pills. I almost congratulated him on having a scumbag spammer/scammer for a girlfriend but I held my tongue. I hope the feds rake these people over the coals. All spammers must die!

And before you ask, no I never purchased them.
 

Balt

Lifer
Mar 12, 2000
12,673
482
126
Alright, I'm gonna be able to pay off my credit card debt!

Errr... I mean.. what idiot would fall for such things? :eek:
 

breweyez

Platinum Member
Jan 30, 2001
2,347
2
76
Dont click those links...unless you want a virus

EDIT--looks like he changed back to the real story....not cool shadowjack:thumbsdown:
 

TechnoPro

Golden Member
Jul 10, 2003
1,727
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Originally posted by: TXHokie
So do they laugh at you while handing you back the refund?

On the contrary, you laugh at them while you collect your refund using your enormous member.
 

shadowjack

Member
Mar 24, 2002
43
0
0
Dont click those links...unless you want a virus

Hey, what are you talking about! I never edited the original post.

No virus -- I posted a link to a story and a link to the refund site.

All I can think of is that the AZ Central people did something on their end.

I would never post anything to download a virus. Not only am I not a bozo, I'm not new here.

Just thought of this: did you see a virus or some advertisement that looked weird? This is all on the AZ Central side, I assure you.
 
Jan 31, 2002
40,819
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Originally posted by: shadowjack
Dont click those links...unless you want a virus

Hey, what are you talking about! I never edited the original post.

No virus -- I posted a link to a story and a link to the refund site.

All I can think of is that the AZ Central people did something on their end.

I would never post anything to download a virus. Not only am I not a bozo, I'm not new here.

Just thought of this: did you see a virus or some advertisement that looked weird? This is all on the AZ Central side, I assure you.

0wn3d. Nicely handled ShadowJack. :D

- M4H
 

breweyez

Platinum Member
Jan 30, 2001
2,347
2
76
when i clicked the top link of the two....i was sent to a porn site

i dont have any spyware on my machine....i was redirected possibly....theres no reason for me to make this sort of thing up....as long as it doesnt happen to anyone else, then life is good
 

dethman

Lifer
Oct 12, 1999
10,263
3
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Originally posted by: breweyez
when i clicked the top link of the two....i was sent to a porn site

i dont have any spyware on my machine....i was redirected possibly....theres no reason for me to make this sort of thing up....as long as it doesnt happen to anyone else, then life is good

stop surfing porn on your computer. then you won't get any redirects.
 

DefDC

Golden Member
Aug 28, 2003
1,858
1
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Anyone who paid money for that type of crap shouldn't get a refund... In fact, the gov't oughta round 'em up an sterilze them for supporting the rat bastards that spawn all the junkmail. Harsh maybe, but I haven't any caffeine yet this morning... :)
 

HumblePie

Lifer
Oct 30, 2000
14,665
440
126
I hear that DefDC... drinking my Joe right now. Grrr.... the reason people do this is because there are suckers born every minute. People actually think sugar pills or whatever they were, would make something bigger.

Reminds me of the joke about a wife asking her husband if she should get bigger breasts. He told her to rub toilet paper between them and they would get bigger. She did but it didn't work after a month. She got mad at her husband and asked why didn't it work he replied, "well you've been rubbing toilet paper between your a$$-cheeks for years and look how big that thing is now."

Well, the joke went something like that. Anhyhow, the moral of the story, there is always a sucker and always someone looking to fleece a sucker. Oh well.. it keeps me in business for some extra cash cause my friends keep clicking on stupid stuff that screws up their computers because they want to check out Miss XXX private webcam, or get their man-hood enlarged, or whatever. Then I have to fix whatever that dumb site did to screw over their computers.

Too bad this stuff didn't actually work though.. I think my manhood would be a mile long by now considering how many emails I get about it in my junk folder.
 

Gentle1969

Junior Member
May 26, 2004
5
0
0
Refund?!? How about a lawsuit!

My penis was only supposed to grow about 3 inches, but it grew 13 inches! Now I have a 20 inch cock to lug about every day. Talk about uncomfortable.
 

BlueWeasel

Lifer
Jun 2, 2000
15,944
475
126
Originally posted by: Gentle1969
Refund?!? How about a lawsuit!

My penis was only supposed to grow about 3 inches, but it grew 13 inches! Now I have a 20 inch cock to lug about every day. Talk about uncomfortable.

:Q
 

AnyMal

Lifer
Nov 21, 2001
15,780
0
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Originally posted by: Gentle1969
Refund?!? How about a lawsuit!

My penis was only supposed to grow about 3 inches, but it grew 13 inches! Now I have a 20 inch cock to lug about every day. Talk about uncomfortable.

404: Funny not found
 
Jan 31, 2002
40,819
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Originally posted by: AnyMal
Originally posted by: Gentle1969
Refund?!? How about a lawsuit!

My penis was only supposed to grow about 3 inches, but it grew 13 inches! Now I have a 20 inch cock to lug about every day. Talk about uncomfortable.

404: Funny not found

God damn right it's not funny. An oversized dong isn't all sorority girls and porn shoots, y'know. :|

- M4H
 

shadowjack

Member
Mar 24, 2002
43
0
0

I just realized I should have entitled this, "One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small. But the ones that CP Direct sells, don't do anything at all..."

I'd agree that anyone stupid enough to buy something from spam deserves what happens, except this creates a license to steal. (If there were no economic incentive to send out billions of emails, my mailbox wouldn't be packed fuller than the return room at Amazon. So any legal authority that can stop those criminals from spamming is a good thing.)

Since there was interest, I dug out the story I remembered reading in the Wall Street Journal about how these pills are contaminated with e. coli: "I think it's safe to say it has heavy fecal contamination," Michael Donnenberg, head of the infectious disease department at the University of Maryland. Mmmmm!

(I found the article on the net somewhere, since I don't have a WSJ online subscription. Can you believe they make you buy another one even if you have a print subscription? Idiots!)

*****

Penis 'Enlargement' Pills Pack Impurities by Julia Angwin
Wall Street Journal
August 13, 2003

Performance Marketing, Ltd., one of the world's purveyors of so-called penis enlargement pills. Once relegated to the back pages of dirty magazines, Performance marketing and it's rivals - thanks to email marketing partners - are among the pushiest of all pill pushers.

But don't bank on the promised "three inches." There is no scientific evidence that any pill can enlarge the penis, says Franklin C. Lowe, professor of clinical urology at columbia University. "If it were legitimate," he says, " I'd be a billionaire." What some customers might get from Performance Marketing's pills is a less-than-sexy dose of bacteria and other contaminants. Commissioned by the Wall street Journal, Flora Research, san Juan Capistrano, Calif., conducted an independent laboratory analysis of a composite sample of 10 Performance Marketing pills and turned up significant levels of E. coli, yeast, mold, lead and pesticides residues. The amount of E. coli bacteria - 16.300 colony forming units per gram- appears to be particularly high, experts say. "I think it's safe to say it has heavy fecal contamination," Michael Donnenberg, head of the infectious disease department at the University of Maryland.

Canada, which requires that any product making health claims must be approved by the government, hasn't approved sales of the pills. In March, Canadian authorities blocked Performance MArketing from receiving a shipment of product until it removed all claims regarding sexual impotence from its website.

The Optimum pills are advertised as containing herbs such as ginko biloba, Korean re ginseng, and saw palmetto. " Optimum penis enlargement products are a 100% safe and natural penis enlargement pill that is guaranteed to increase penis size by an average of 28%," the website proclaims. The Journal's independent analysis concluded that the capsules did contain ginko and ginseng. However, the analysis also revealed the presence of bacteria, heavy metals and pesticide residues. The pills far exceed suggested limits set by ConsumerLab.com LLC, an independent rating agency for the nutritional supplemental industry, for coliform, a type of bacteria that can indicate contamination from water or feeces. "You'd probably be spending more time in the bathroom than in the bedroom with this product," says Todd Cooperman, president of ConsumerLab.com. Yeast and mold counts also exceeded ConsumerLab.com's limits. The amount of lead in a daily dose of three Optimum pills surpassed the limit set by California's strict labeling laws for "chemicals causing reproductive toxicity." - James R Hagerty contributed to this article

*****

Another story: MSNBC Story

Giving Americans a first glimpse of an industry flourishing at the intersection of larceny and libido, authorities in Arizona are seizing the assets of a Scottsdale company that sold more than $74 million worth of pills that it claimed would enlarge penises or breasts, make the consumer taller or hairier ? even sharpen his or her golf game. But despite such audacious claims, the company ? C.P. Direct ? would likely still be gouging the gullible if its founders hadn?t decided to also illegally charge consumers? credit cards, industry insiders say.
 

moshquerade

No Lifer
Nov 1, 2001
61,504
12
56
Originally posted by: Gentle1969
Refund?!? How about a lawsuit!

My penis was only supposed to grow about 3 inches, but it grew 13 inches! Now I have a 20 inch cock to lug about every day. Talk about uncomfortable.
/got 3 legged pants?