George Carlin

[Juice Box]

Sinple... post your fav Carlin quotes


"Is it just me... or are all the people that are against abortion... ppl u wouldn't wanna fvck in the first place?!"

"Im getting sick of this bullsh!t about children.... Save the Children, Help The Children... you know what I say? "FVCK the Children" they are getting entirely too much attention.... I know what you guys are thinking..."oh no, hes not goanna go out and hurt children is he?....YES HE IS!!!"


Hockey isint a sport... Hockey is 3 activites going on at the same time... Ice Skating, playing with a puck, and beating the sh!t out of one another... if these guys were smart, theyd do these one at a time!!!
First you go ice skating, THEN you play with a puck, THEN you go to a bar, and beat the sh!t outta someone... but hockey will NEVER be a sport because it is played with a puck. What is a Puck? Ive never HEARD of a puck outside of hockey.... the only other place you find a puck is in the urinal in the mens room to control the smell in the bathroom!! And as far as IM concerned.. any game where the main object is something that came out of a urinal, definately cant be a sport!

 

[Toastedlightly]

"Fvck can be used as almost every word in a sentence... fvck the fvcking fvckers"

 

[Atomicus]

can't name specifics.... but his airport security bit was quite funny and true. And let's not forget the usages of the work F*CK in the English language

 

[Anubis]

?Think of how stupid the average person is. Then realize that half of them are stupider than that!"

WTF do you mean "the quiet ones are usually the most lethal??

"Im willing to bet, that while your watching out for a quiet one.. a noisy one will fvcking kill you!!"
Suppose youre in a bar, one guy is sitting in the corner reading a book not bothering anyone
and anothe guy is banging a machette on the bar yelling "ILL KILL THE NEXT MOTHERFVCKER THAT COMES IN HERE".... who ya gonna watch??

Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!

 

[Juice Box]

I want to talk a little bit about Losing Things... I dont like to loose things, I dont like to loose ANYTHING. Because.... where is it? I just had it! you know that feeling, IT WAS JUST HERE!" See basically thats the part that bothers me the most.... I dont care if i ever get the thing back... all I wanna know is where the fvck they went!

You know theres a special room for every balloon that ever got away in heaven. So next time you see a balloon floating off into the distance, relax, soon it will be with its friends, in the balloon room, off the main hall, in west heaven... I dont mind admitting this, but im a balloon guy! I LOVE a balloon... you know what I say, I say "Gimme a balloon!, sometimes I scream GIMME A BALLOON!!... most ppl never pay any attention to me

 

[Juice Box]

I know a way to make basketball a LOT more interesting.... a 2 second shot clock... whats this dribbling the ball all the time??? once you get the ball get that fvcker up in the air... im looking for a 400-500 pt ball game!!

anothe way to speed up basketball... 10 ft on either side of the half court line we should have a gasoline fire.... you think youve seen the fast break... youll see the REALLY Fast break....

 

[VWhed]

-Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people actually cook that stuff?

-Were not supposed to mention fvcking in mixed company, but that's exactly where it takes place.

-By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

I've seen him "live" once and can't wait for him to return to the area again, he is one of the greatest minds of the century.

 

[Anubis]

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're unreliable! I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullsh!t you might as well go for the Zombie package as well..

 

[Ryan]

What kind of name is Todd? TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD?!?!?!?!??!?

 

[flxnimprtmscl]

I don't have pet peeves. I have major psychotic fvcking hatreds.

 

[Juice Box]

Originally posted by: Anubis
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

And what about Zombies? You never hear from Zombies! That's the trouble with Zombies, they're unreliable! I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullsh!t you might as well go for the Zombie package as well..

haha yeah

What is with all this Angel Sh!T? When did this start? Did you know 4/5 ppl actually believe in angels.... WHAT ARE YOU FVCKING STUPID? I think its a combination of all the drugs... ALL THE DRUGS. smoked snorted shot up or absorbed rectally... thatll get you some FVCKING angels my friend

 

[OutHouse]

a little tid-bit about him

At age 17, Carlin dropped out of high school and joined the United States Air Force, training as a radar technician. He was stationed in Shreveport, Louisiana, where he began working as a disc jockey on a local radio station. He did not complete his Air Force enlistment.

 

[Yossarian]

Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.

Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?

In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.

In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.

Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.

Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.

Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.

Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.

In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.

And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:

In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.

In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!

 

[AnyMal]

Have you noticed that anyone driving slower then you is an idiot? And anyone going faster then you is a maniac.

 

[quakefiend420]

his spiel on airport security was pretty funny...and his slugfest 2001 was a good one...and the one where he was complaining about the "lead follow, or get out of the way" shirts..."you know what i do when i see one of those shirts? I obstruct!"