hey k! not necessarily...sometimes i really AM busy and don't have time to talk. it's not a brush-off at all. i don't believe in saving face for someone else, either...at least give them the courtesy of being honest.
You've proven your compassion by guilt. 
Though this statment, "After that, I just felt like he was too boring to be even friends with.", reeks of smug cynicism.
Perhaps you should consider being immediately forthright, though that, of course, opens up even more avenues of misunderstanding and misinterpretation. When it was clear you no longer wanted to talk to him, you COULD'VE said so. I imagine you were hoping he'd take the hint and save you both the discomfort.
I sincerely doubt you honestly find him to boring to be friends with. To boring to hang out with alone perhaps, to boring to date, but how much does a friendship cost you. I suppose that depends of the level of friendship.
I can suppose that you felt he was obviously interested and you were trying to be obviously not. If you hurt his feeling, if indeed such a boring persion can have feelings, I'm sure he'll get over it and move on. No harm done.
Though this statment, "After that, I just felt like he was too boring to be even friends with.", reeks of smug cynicism.
Perhaps you should consider being immediately forthright, though that, of course, opens up even more avenues of misunderstanding and misinterpretation. When it was clear you no longer wanted to talk to him, you COULD'VE said so. I imagine you were hoping he'd take the hint and save you both the discomfort.
I sincerely doubt you honestly find him to boring to be friends with. To boring to hang out with alone perhaps, to boring to date, but how much does a friendship cost you. I suppose that depends of the level of friendship.
I can suppose that you felt he was obviously interested and you were trying to be obviously not. If you hurt his feeling, if indeed such a boring persion can have feelings, I'm sure he'll get over it and move on. No harm done.
- Jan 20, 2001
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I agree EvilYoda, but I don't take their comments to heart because I think many of those who think that I'm a b!tch missed some of my explanatory posts. Also they don't really know me, yet they judge me based on conclusions they've jumped to. There could be things about my rapport with Lou that may be like "extenuating circumstances" that may make me seem less like a b!tch, but they just don't give me the benefit of the doubt nor bother to find out. I also just find it amusing because here I am asking if I was too mean (not looking for approval, mind you, just constructive criticism), and they're calling me too mean and worse when in fact they're being really mean and judgmental.Originally posted by: EvilYoda
lol, DAMN, everyone here seems to think you're a bia for all that...but I don't think you were. Not entirely, at least...you should've told him from the get-go, since you don't seem to be afraid of telling him the truth, but that's just about how I would've gone about it if that's how past "conversations" went.
No worries. I'm sure he's used to rejection, as are most people here.
As far as being afraid to tell him the truth, that actually wasn't the case. Yes I did state that I found him to be "boring" after May 4, but it was in fact only last night did I realize that I no longer wanted to be even friends with him. In the Trillian log I posted, I really was busy during those times he IM'ed me. <thinking aloud and evaluating last night>However, if I find someone to be interesting as a person, I'll IM them just a little even if I am busy. To me that indicated to myself that I didn't find him interesting enough to say anything more than "I'm busy" whereas I'll tend to chat more at length with a person that I like even if I'm preoccupied at the time.</end thinking aloud> It was at this point that I was aware that I don't even like this guy enough to want to be friends with him. So in a way, I did tell him from the get-go.
- Jan 20, 2001
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No you don't know that I don't know much about Lou. I got to know him to some extent over the course of two months. What I learned about him varies from cool to kinda annoying, and I'll be as objective as possible. I know that he has a heavy Staten Island accent that is slightly annoying on the phone; that he attended Devry (minus in my book, and yes I am arrogant about it since I attended MIT in comparison--not that I think I'm super great because of that); I thought it was kinda cool that he is adept with computers and that he left his job to pursue something in working with Cisco stuff and networking; he isn't very intelligent or witty to my standards; he's kinda negative about things, like he complained often about the job he quit which is at the company I currently work at and where I really enjoy working; he casually curses sometimes which to me is kinda crass to my standards. That's all I could come up with at the moment but I'm sure there are many more things about Lou that I picked up in the couple months we've known each other. In any case, it's enough to know that I'm not forgoing one of the greatest experiences in life by not wanting to get to know him, lol.
I am the same way as far as always giving people a chance. I too am all ears when someone wants to talk, but in Lou's case he just didn't have much of anything to say. But perhaps I was too hasty and arrogant in writing him off as boring but the thing is he's also kinda annoying-- see above paragraph for annoying characteristics.
EDIT: Gah I hafta get ready for work now, but I will definitely get back to this thread later on or this weekend.
so if you didnt want to talk to him why wouldnt you just click the little block buddy option........that would seem alot more effective and less being a dickhead
I don't see how anyone could consider that as rude. I get the same treatment from my wife all the time.
I wanted to note that I have made the same decision regarding many people. There are certainly people that I have given the cold shoulder due to imcompatible personalities. It doens't make me feel very good about myself either.
Wow, Klee I'll pay you money to do the same thing to a few people I know. To answer your question - yeah that was mean, but looks like he deserved it.
Originally posted by: klee58
Oh my, are you a judgmental person, sheesh. I couldn't agree with you more about "harsh and bitchy" girls and how they are to friendly guys and with other girls. Personally, I don't prefer to hang out with or get to know girls like that. They tend to be superficial, flaky, and moronic. So we're on the same page in that respect, even though I am female. In fact, I consider myself to have the mindset of a guy in some ways. Any of my close friends can attest to that.Originally posted by: mrCide
harsh and bitchy, but you girls (most of you) are bitches so you think its normal...
what's even more harsh is how girls are to each other for NO reason.. 'look at that ugly bitch with her <insert snide remark about how she looks or what shes wearing>..
or how you are to guys who are just trying to be friendly.He actually falls into the category of annoying 'cmon go out with me' guy but only slightly annoying, which is why I felt kinda bad after saying what I said and made this post.Uhh not only are you judgmental about me, but other random AT'er guys? FYI, 2 of the guys "defending" me (sully and dwell) are people I have met in real life and actually know me and what I'm like. What they say and judge about me in their posts is actually more accurate and relevant than anyone else's in this thread because they actually know me. Some others may just know me from when I used to be more active on the forums and know from my posts that I am a nice person. In any case, it's certainly not because I'm an "ATOT chick". Most people don't even realize I'm a chick in the first place. Sheesh.edit; i like you guys defending her just because she's an atot chick
</end rant>
hah.. a response
well i retract my last statement about atot guys (though i do see it happen a lot)... the rest still stands, maybe i dont know much about the guy but the impression that i got from your post was that he kinda liked you and wanted to get to know you (a little annoying maybe but an asshole?).. oh and yeah i'm only judgemental when people something might piss me off , i'm a pretty nice/laid back guy.someone also mentioned 'guys are only say that because its happened to them before' of course you freak! why else would we be? when girls are bitches for no reason we remember it and we recall it when something similar happens again. i've had girls online block me after just saying -- hi (who are you) random person (ok bye *block*).. now, i don't get upset but i mutter 'bitch..' and will bring it up again in a conversation
theres my rant.
HOLY CRAP! The records for sale in your store are expensive! Do you make good money with those prices?
I did that once before, and the person I was talking to made a new name to IM me. Then when I put him on block with the new name he IMed me with a 3rd name!
Originally posted by: klee58
I have this ex-coworker named Lou (I don't care about stating his name since I know he doesn't come here). He was in the same position/title as me but he quit my company when he got another job on April 11. We weren't close at work at all. We just took a couple breaks together and talked during them but I do that with almost all my coworkers, whereas Lou wasn't that friendly with many of his coworkers. That's just how he is.
Anyway, the day he quit we exchanged email addies and AIM ID's. Since then he'll initiate chat with me whenever he sees me online, which was fine. The last real chat we had was on May 4 when we talked about X2. For whatever reason, I just found him to be boring and didn't want to chat with him anymore. These are the chats that ensued since May 4 (thank you Trillian logs):What do you think? Was I too harsh given the situation?
- Session Start: Sun May 11 18:38:48 2003
Lou: hi
Session Close (Lou): Sun May 11 20:58:29 2003
Session Start: Tue May 13 20:55:57 2003
Lou: hi
Session Close (Lou): Tue May 13 20:59:41 2003
Session Start: Tue May 13 21:23:30 2003
Lou: hello?
klee58: i'm busy
Session Close (Lou): Tue May 13 21:31:12 2003
Session Start: Sat May 17 11:06:27 2003
Lou: hey
*** Lou signed off at Sat May 17 11:29:14 2003.
*** Lou signed on at Sat May 17 11:29:15 2003.
Session Start: Sun May 18 21:17:51 2003
Lou: hey
klee58: can't talk now
Lou: k
Session Close (Lou): Sun May 18 21:21:10 2003
Session Start: Wed May 28 21:27:39 2003
Lou: hey
klee58: ack hi
klee58: i can't really talk now
Lou: k
Session Close (Lou): Wed May 28 21:28:29 2003
Session Start: Thu May 29 20:35:14 2003
Lou: hey
klee58: hi
Lou: how r u
klee58: i'm ok
Lou: how is work
klee58: i'm not interested in talking to you in case you haven't figured it out... :-/
Lou: ok then bye
Lou: nice knowing u
klee58: *wave*
klee58: likewise
No, you were pretty blunt about it. But it's not like you didn't try to drop hints before, a little honesty is always a good thing to have.
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