Gah was I too mean to this guy? :-/ (AIM chat)

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TuffGirl

TuffGirl

Platinum Member
Jan 20, 2001
2,797
1
91
I have this ex-coworker named Lou (I don't care about stating his name since I know he doesn't come here). He was in the same position/title as me but he quit my company when he got another job on April 11. We weren't close at work at all. We just took a couple breaks together and talked during them but I do that with almost all my coworkers, whereas Lou wasn't that friendly with many of his coworkers. That's just how he is.

Anyway, the day he quit we exchanged email addies and AIM ID's. Since then he'll initiate chat with me whenever he sees me online, which was fine. The last real chat we had was on May 4 when we talked about X2. For whatever reason, I just found him to be boring and didn't want to chat with him anymore. These are the chats that ensued since May 4 (thank you Trillian logs):
  • Session Start: Sun May 11 18:38:48 2003
    Lou: hi
    Session Close (Lou): Sun May 11 20:58:29 2003


    Session Start: Tue May 13 20:55:57 2003
    Lou: hi
    Session Close (Lou): Tue May 13 20:59:41 2003


    Session Start: Tue May 13 21:23:30 2003
    Lou: hello?
    klee58: i'm busy
    Session Close (Lou): Tue May 13 21:31:12 2003


    Session Start: Sat May 17 11:06:27 2003
    Lou: hey
    *** Lou signed off at Sat May 17 11:29:14 2003.
    *** Lou signed on at Sat May 17 11:29:15 2003.

    Session Start: Sun May 18 21:17:51 2003
    Lou: hey
    klee58: can't talk now
    Lou: k
    Session Close (Lou): Sun May 18 21:21:10 2003


    Session Start: Wed May 28 21:27:39 2003
    Lou: hey
    klee58: ack hi
    klee58: i can't really talk now
    Lou: k
    Session Close (Lou): Wed May 28 21:28:29 2003


    Session Start: Thu May 29 20:35:14 2003
    Lou: hey
    klee58: hi
    Lou: how r u
    klee58: i'm ok
    Lou: how is work
    klee58: i'm not interested in talking to you in case you haven't figured it out... :-/
    Lou: ok then bye
    Lou: nice knowing u
    klee58: *wave*
    klee58: likewise
What do you think? Was I too harsh given the situation? :confused:
 
hdeck

hdeck

Lifer
Sep 26, 2002
14,530
1
0
if you were busy you could have signed off or put up an away message. if you weren't busy you shouldn't have led this guy on. he obviously has the hots for you.
 
Maleficus

Maleficus

Diamond Member
May 2, 2001
7,682
0
0
well what did he do to you, we know no background as to why you were giving him the cold shoulder to know if your actions were justified.
 
I

IcemanJer

Diamond Member
Mar 9, 2001
4,307
0
0
Originally posted by: hdeck
if you were busy you could have signed off or put up an away message. if you weren't busy you shouldn't have led this guy on. he obviously has the hots for you.
Click to expand...
hehehe... well, I agree with the away message bit. isn't there an option where you can always appear as away to a particular user?
 

You need to ditch that zero and get with this hero.

I'm like a CDRW, baby.
 
pyonir

pyonir

Lifer
Dec 18, 2001
40,856
321
126
Originally posted by: Wduaqnug
you acted like total B
Click to expand...

You're an idiot.

Klee, you weren't really mean, but you should have told him from the time you figured it out, rather than avoiding him.
 
A

AlienCraft

Lifer
Nov 23, 2002
10,539
0
0
Originally posted by: fyleow
why didn't you just block him?
Click to expand...

:brokenheart:
I do this all the time with fans of the groups I work with.
Either he'll get over it or stalk you. :Q
 
TuffGirl

TuffGirl

Platinum Member
Jan 20, 2001
2,797
1
91
Originally posted by: hdeck
if you were busy you could have signed off or put up an away message. if you weren't busy you shouldn't have led this guy on. he obviously has the hots for you.
Click to expand...
I did not lead this guy on. From the beginning I made it clear I was not interested. We talked on the phone a couple times sometime in April and during the first conversation I told him, "I don't date younger guys." (He's 4 years younger than me.) There's more to it than that as to why I wasn't interested, but I just wanted to make clear to y'all that I did not lead him on.
 
yllus

yllus

Elite Member & Lifer
Aug 20, 2000
20,577
432
126
It's better you got this over with right away then being pretend friends with him forever. Not to mention the worst case scenario of him thinking you're into him and being even more persistent for that.
 
W

weezergirl

Diamond Member
May 24, 2000
3,366
1
0
I have the same problem. Why are guys so clueless?

In my opinion you weren't mean...it was either let him figure it out the nice way or tell him later. People are like "you should have told him earlier" or "you were leading him on".. OOOOOK. read that chat log and tell me how you were leading him on? Basically by the 5th chat or so you told him you weren't interested in talking to him because it was obvious he couldn't figure it out for himself. Would it have made you look like less of an arse if you had told him the minute you were bored of him? In my opinion, no. You were trying to save HIM face by letting him figure it out himself. It just so happens this guy is clueless, and most but not all are.

As for myself, if people don't im me back, I stop talking to them. Don't you guys have better things to do then wait to im somebody who obviously isn't giving me the time of day? I know I do.
 
U

Underground727

Senior member
May 23, 2003
492
0
0
One major problem: Why not tell him you are not interested in him as soon as you decided you no longer wanted to talk to him? Why lead him on by saying your busy? It just makes you seem shady.
 
M

MaTTCNAMCP

Member
Apr 19, 2003
67
0
0
That wasn't mean. Ninja linking them is mean. If I don't want to talk to somebody I just ninja link them and I never hear from them again.
 
TuffGirl

TuffGirl

Platinum Member
Jan 20, 2001
2,797
1
91
Originally posted by: weezergirl
I have the same problem. Why are guys so clueless?

In my opinion you weren't mean...it was either let him figure it out the nice way or tell him later. People are like "you should have told him earlier" or "you were leading him on".. OOOOOK. read that chat log and tell me how you were leading him on? Basically by the 5th chat or so you told him you weren't interested in talking to him because it was obvious he couldn't figure it out for himself. Would it have made you look like less of an arse if you had told him the minute you were bored of him? In my opinion, no. You were trying to save HIM face by letting him figure it out himself. It just so happens this guy is clueless, and most but not all are.

As for myself, if people don't im me back, I stop talking to them. Don't you guys have better things to do then wait to im somebody who obviously isn't giving me the time of day? I know I do.
Click to expand...
*waves furiously to Kim* How you doing chicka? You really know where I'm coming from. Thanks for the support.

But I didn't make this post just to hear people I agree with or who support me. The other feedback (not the personal jabs) is appreciated as well. Those of you who think I should have just put an away message, what if I simply didn't want to because I don't want any of my other AIM buddies thinking I really was away when I was there. Why should I? I don't feel like I have anything to hide. I'm all about communication, whether it's good or bad, in pretty much all my personal relationships.

 
U

Underground727

Senior member
May 23, 2003
492
0
0
Originally posted by: klee58
Originally posted by: hdeck
if you were busy you could have signed off or put up an away message. if you weren't busy you shouldn't have led this guy on. he obviously has the hots for you.
Click to expand...
I did not lead this guy on. From the beginning I made it clear I was not interested. We talked on the phone a couple times sometime in April and during the first conversation I told him, "I don't date younger guys." (He's 4 years younger than me.) There's more to it than that as to why I wasn't interested, but I just wanted to make clear to y'all that I did not lead him on.
Click to expand...

Saying "I don't date younger guys." means nothing. By continueing to talk to him you are making it seem like he could be the exception. You have to say very specifically "I am not interested in you."
 
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