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Fvcked up fortunes?

Schadenfreude

Schadenfreude

Lifer
WHat's the weirdest fortune that you got from a fortune cookie?

Mine was "Jealousy and competition will bring you luck" . . . and I got that one three times in a row! :Q
 
It requires a new group, but my favorite is to lie after opening them & say:

"You will die old and alone, surrounded by cats."
 
A good line for a fortune cookie:

"You will need good reading material in approximately 15 minutes."
 
The funny thing is, you can add the words "in bed" to just about any fortune cookie that you get from a chinese restaurant.

Such as:

"You will achieve great prosperity (in bed)"
"You will soon meet an old friend (in bed)"
"Jealousy and competition will bring you luck (in bed)"

some friends and I gathered about 30 different fortune cookie fortunes, and tried it, worked for all of them 😛
 
Originally posted by: neonerd
The funny thing is, you can add the words "in bed" to just about any fortune cookie that you get from a chinese restaurant.

Such as:

"You will achieve great prosperity (in bed)"
"You will soon meet an old friend (in bed)"
"Jealousy and competition will bring you luck (in bed)"

some friends and I gathered about 30 different fortune cookie fortunes, and tried it, worked for all of them 😛
Click to expand...

The weird thing is, being superstitious and all (esp. since that damn fortune came out 3x in a row), the "in bed" part applies very well to my situation as well. 😉
 
Originally posted by: neonerd
The funny thing is, you can add the words "in bed" to just about any fortune cookie that you get from a chinese restaurant.

Such as:

"You will achieve great prosperity (in bed)"
"You will soon meet an old friend (in bed)"
"Jealousy and competition will bring you luck (in bed)"

some friends and I gathered about 30 different fortune cookie fortunes, and tried it, worked for all of them 😛
Click to expand...

Wow really!?? Did that joke just hit your high school?
 
Originally posted by: neonerd
The funny thing is, you can add the words "in bed" to just about any fortune cookie that you get from a chinese restaurant.

Such as:

"You will achieve great prosperity (in bed)"
"You will soon meet an old friend (in bed)"
"Jealousy and competition will bring you luck (in bed)"

some friends and I gathered about 30 different fortune cookie fortunes, and tried it, worked for all of them 😛
Click to expand...

Ignoring the fact that you are in no way original with this idea, the now cancelled Comedy Central show called Upright Citizens Brigade did a hilarious sketch with this. One of the guys in the group kept getting all these horrible fortunes like, "You can't satisfy your wife," and "You will die alone." Hilarious stuff.
 
One time I got one that said "Please help, we are slaves here at fortune cookie company. They beat us and won't let us eat or take breaks. Send help, my friend was just tortured to death."

What a stupid fortune.
 
Originally posted by: Chaotic42
One time I got one that said "Please help, we are slaves here at fortune cookie company. They beat us and won't let us eat or take breaks. Send help, my friend was just tortured to death."

What a stupid fortune.
Click to expand...

Also the longest.
 
let me reuse my response from another thread, a quote from Rocko's Modern Life

Bad luck and misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.
 
Originally posted by: Ryuson99
Originally posted by: Chaotic42
One time I got one that said "Please help, we are slaves here at fortune cookie company. They beat us and won't let us eat or take breaks. Send help, my friend was just tortured to death."

What a stupid fortune.
Click to expand...

Also the longest.
Click to expand...



"Please help, we are slaves here at fortune cookie company. They beat us and won't let us eat or take breaks. Send help, my friend was just tortured to death in bed."


Hook me up.
 
Originally posted by: Spikesoldier
let me reuse my response from another thread, a quote from Rocko's Modern Life

Bad luck and misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.
Click to expand...

If that's a cartoon, how the hell is it a fortune cookie fortune that you got? :roll:
 
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