Funny sayings

[Greenman]

I need some for signs I make. Almost anything works, should be PG13 at worst (or best, depending on your point of view). Inspiring would work as well.

 

[sdifox]

That wasn't chicken

 

[DAPUNISHER]

What's the point? You live in Mississippi, no one is going to be able to read them.

 

[DAPUNISHER]

Hey there's one right there. "If you can read this, thank hooked on phonics."

 

[Charmonium]

https://www.rd.com/list/funny-phrases-worth-memorizing/

You're welcome

 

[Greenman]

What's the point? You live in Mississippi, no one is going to be able to read them.

They offer remedial reading courses at the Klan meetings now. Apparently the Trump/Biden voting confusion caused quite an uproar.

 

[Red Squirrel]

Bought shoes from a drug dealer. Not sure what they're laced with but I'm tripping all over the place.

I don't follow sports but this Taylor Swift guy sounds pretty fast.

The first rule of passive aggressive club is...You know what? Nevermind. It's fine.

 

[Charmonium]

They offer remedial reading courses at the Klan meetings now. Apparently the Trump/Biden voting confusion caused quite an uproar.

[In gramma's voice] It's so nice to see volunteer organizations giving back to the community - whether they want it or not.

 

[allisolm]

Never laugh at your wife's choices. You're one of them.

Coffee vs Oxygen
One's needed to survive.
The other is oxygen.

Everyone brings
Joy to this office
____________________
Some when they enter.
Others when they leave.

I want to grow my own food but I can't find bacon seeds.

A child who reads will be an adult who thinks.

Forget world peace. Just start with using your turn signal.

People are prisoners of their phones. That's why they're called cell phones.

 

[Lost_in_the_HTTP]

Farts Happen

 

[igor_kavinski]

I used to believe I could make it big in life.

That's before I got big.

And farty.

 

[DAPUNISHER]

Never laugh at your wife's choices. You're one of them.

That makes me laugh twice as hard. She'll tell me how much she loves me knowing I'm going to do my best Beastie Boys rap stance and say "Sucka!"

 

[Motostu]

If at first you don't succeed, maybe you just weren't cut out for this.

It seems that some people's purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

 

[BoomerD]

Hey y'all...watch this!

 

[PowerEngineer]

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need are two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

Yes, I can explain it to you - but I cannot understand it for you.

 

[nOOky]

I used to be young and poor. But after many years of hard work, I'm no longer young.

No matter where I go, I'll always be there.

 

[BoomerD]

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need are two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

Yes, I can explain it to you - but I cannot understand it for you.

Insanity is hereditary...you get it from your kids.

 

[DAPUNISHER]

Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

I know a slightly modified version of this joke -

Marriage is an institution. But do you really want to spend the rest of your life in an institution?

 

[BoomerD]

I know a slightly modified version of this joke -

Marriage is an institution. But do you really want to spend the rest of your life in an institution?

No shit. In just a couple of months, my wife and I will be married 49 years. There's not many lifers in prison who have served sentences that long.

 

[Micrornd]

No shit. In just a couple of months, my wife and I will be married 49 years. There's not many lifers in prison who have served sentences that long.

Ya got me by 2 years, when people ask how long, I just say "seems like forever".

 

[Micrornd]

This ain't rocket surgery!

 

[Lost_in_the_HTTP]

And another variation .....


What is the longest sentence?


I do.

.

 

[highland145]

No shit. In just a couple of months, my wife and I will be married 49 years. There's not many lifers in prison who have served sentences that long.

Bless her insane heart.

 

[lxskllr]

Tougher 'n woodpecker lips

 

[jmagg]

Life is Wood