Funny and yet fitting horoscope

[NissanGurl]

This was my horoscope

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22?Dec. 21)
You will discover a sound historical reason why we drive on parkways and park on driveways, but people will choose to cling to smug ignorance.

I've actually wondered this, only briefly.

Check yours out and see if yours is entertaining

Onion Horoscope

 

[whaleskinrug]

Scorpio: (Oct. 24?Nov. 21)
It's not true that your best days are behind you. It's true that almost all of your days are behind you, but the best ones are yet to come.

 

[Schadenfreude]

Taurus: (April. 20?May 20)
You're not evil for contemplating murder. Everyone's done it at one time. You are, however, weak for not having the guts to actually go through with it.

 

[sillymofo]

Cancer:

You will be posting on ATOT, it's an idiotic addiction that you can't get rid off.

 

[CaseTragedy]

Gemini: (May 21?June 21)
You'll once again lead the field in crashworthiness tests, but they're starting to take a toll on your health.

 

[DainBramaged]

Aquarius: (Jan. 20?Feb. 18)
You don't mind having a girlfriend who likes to talk after sex, but the collect-call charges are really starting to add up.