funerals?

[Dubb]

A friend of mine passed on over the weekend. We weren't close in recent years but it's still a surprise nonetheless. Never thought this type of thing would happen so soon. She was 23.

Thing is, I've never been to a funeral, don't know what proper etiqutte is, what goes on, how to dress, if/what to send to her family (type of flowers?), etc.

I knew her pretty well a few years ago, she introduced me to my girlfriend, etc. Any tips for not doing something stupid when we go to pay our respects? Seems rather crass to bring up the topic with other friends and such.

thanks

 

[RagingBITCH]

Sorry to hear. Just wear a suit or something formal, bring flowers if you want. There's nothing you can do wrong, other than pissing on her grave.

 

What did said 23 year old die from?

 

[Dubb]

Originally posted by: SampSon
What did said 23 year old die from?

Pretty much all we know at the moment is that she died in her sleep. I could make a pretty good guess at the specifics, but that's neither here nor there. As far as what I'm willing to get into on an internet forum, it doesn't matter.

 

[blackunicorn]

I'm old, I've been to lots of funerals. Wear something dark and conservative, suit or dark shirt-sweater-pants type. Greet the "host/ess" - the parents, in this case, I guess, say you're sorry to hear the news, and it's usually a good idea to say something nice about the departed like "she introduced me to my girlfriend, I'll never forget her" or whatever. Shake hands with the other relatives-friends who are clustered about expectantly waiting to find out who you are.

Conversation is usually along the lines of "how did you know the deceased?" "glad we got good weather for this/too bad the weather isn't better" "where are you from etc".

It's always okay to sit there quietly and look pensive.

Very often there are family disagreements and so on, if you don't know the politics, don't worry about it, just try to stay out of it. With luck you can ask someone about the dirt, and you'll get some interesting stories. With bad luck you might insult somebody, so watch out who you ask. Don't be surprised by people acting strangely, something about funerals brings out wierd family stuff.

There's usually a ceremony, a burial, and a gathering afterwards. At a lot of ceremonies, it's customary for a bunch of people to get up and say good things. If you want to, it's okay to, but maybe not the story about the dog, the goat and the experimental chemicals, unless you know your audience really well. Unless the burial is at the same place as the ceremony, you don't have to go to the burial if you don't really want to, nobody cares (unless it was your own mother you're burying).

Small talk is generally on the quiet side. Very often at funerals you run into people you haven't seen in a long time, so you can catch up. The afterwards gathering may just be people clustered around the parking lot, or it might be at a house, or formal. It's not as somber, especially if you're chatting with old buddies, but it isn't usually a wild bash.

Be extra polite, say thank you a lot. Don't eat too much and don't stay too long. A final farewell to the host/ess is in order.

 

[Pliablemoose]

Dress nicely, speak softly.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[slightlyhuman]

i also lost a friend over the weekend. he hydroplained int he shreveport area. that's the 4th or 5th friend i've lost in the last 6 months. i guess this is part of growing up, it sucks

sry to hear abour your friend dude.