The only thing I can take from this thread is that LS8 is a whiny fucking loser.
If you don't like the service you are getting. CANCEL THE FUCKING SERVICE, and go with someone else.
I echo what everyone else has said here, ordering internet is not like ordering television. If you order from channels 2-58 they will provide it. However, internet is contingent on several things, that they may not necessarily have control over.. such as internal wiring of your house, the wiring of your telephone line provider etc etc etc.
They cannot guarantee anything.