it's fairly simple arrangement that *can* work, but frequently gets screwed up. The important thing to remember is that you should never try to start a relationship with the benefits package. That said, as long as both parties are completely honest it can work quite well.
I have an interesting relationship right now. I proved classic ladder theory wrong by making the jump from the friends ladder to the FWB spot with a woman I'd known for a few years. Just recently I decided that I wanted more than that and made her my official girlfriend. No more shagging random girls I meet at parties now 
but I made the right choice. I'm in a much better relationship now and am happy.
So basically, FWB is great, but it's only a temporary thing until you find your next girlfriend.
but I made the right choice. I'm in a much better relationship now and am happy.So basically, FWB is great, but it's only a temporary thing until you find your next girlfriend.
Pliablemoose
Lifer
- Oct 11, 1999
- 25,195
- 0
- 56
Been there, done that multiple times, always end up pawning them off on friends & they end up getting married
I've found that it doesn't work for me. I tend to get attached.
The biggest problem though, is when you've hooked up with
a "friend" and she is around another "friend" or your girlfriend
and they know whats going on.
All the "friendliness" seems to take a back seat to jealousy and
competition.
I wont get into the times I've had to deal with this, but it sucks
because inevitably, a choice has to be made between the
great "friends" .
DD
How many people who are saying "yes" have actually had experience with this? How the hell do u know it works for you? jeez....I am just getting sick of all the people on ATOT arguing from facts they heard or read
Schadenfreude
Lifer
- Dec 28, 2001
- 11,391
- 3
- 0
one experience. But I think results can be extrapolated. After some reflection it's not that tough to figure out where things went awry.
I wish I could lose my best girl friend. I had sex with her and was already attached and ended up getting more attached and now i'm trying to lose her but she won't let me. Sending emails all over the place and getting mad when I don't call her. It's so hard to just cut off contact with a girl you've known for 5 years and are really really close to but I know if I don't I'm going to tear myself up. That and it's even harder because I sit and act like nothings wrong around her cause I'm too proud to admit to her that I fell for her...
PricklyPete
Lifer
- Sep 17, 2002
- 14,582
- 162
- 106
I agree with vi_edit. Being a guy, I thought it was possible and it took me several tries before I realized I was only kidding myself. Each time (except once...details later) the two of us have been very upfront about what the relationship entailed... casual friendship with occasional "benefits" . Each time the girl has either developed feelings for me...or what I expect more...had feelings for me and was hoping that I would eventually come around. This seems to be the common setup...although I have seen the roles reversed at least once.
In all honesty though...I do have one friend where this did work out...and we are still good friends...but some of it has to do with her outlook on relationships and her seemingly unnatural desire to have sex (for a woman...completely generalizing). She figured occasional sex with someone she knew as a friend...and she new was clean (we used protection...but still)...was better than none at all or with random guys. There was never any emotions attached...but I feel that she was kind of an anomaly in contrast to all the females I have known. Unfortunately for her, she still has a hard time having a serious boyfriend...too focused on other parts of her life...I assume she has found a new friend with benefits.
Now that I'm out of college, gone through my "exploration" stage, I am not as interested with the prospect of just having sex to just have sex...I've learned to enjoy it more with a person I am truly interested in. Of course if Heidi Klum or Bridget Moynahan want to be my friend with "Benefits"... I'll be more than ready... there both on my "list" ... so my girlfriend says she'd be alright with it...yeah right =)
If you're thinking about it...I'd make sure you really don't have feelings for the other and vice versa. If you're both truly cool with it...enjoy it... but don't expect to get anything emotional out of the situation...probably the best part of intimacy.
MaxDepth
Diamond Member
- Jun 12, 2001
- 8,757
- 43
- 91
What's up with these quotes? I'm sure you two mean this sincerely, but read what you wrote "thought of her being with anyone else enrages me..." Geez, get over yourself. In other words, she isn't your wife to love, honor, etc. except as your property. Shouldn't you love someone for who they are, not where they came from? I think people put too much emphasis on sex and past relationships. Are you going to tell me that after you are married to someone, who they've been with could cause future arguments? You and her bring your pasts to the table. Accept the past and grow from it.
To Dezign: you had three no's and one yes. Shouldn't you add two more yes answers like "yes, but I don't think I can go through it," or, "yeah, I wish!"
Originally posted by: Pepsi90919
i'll benefit your face if you don't shut upOriginally posted by: LordMaul
He's like 12; doesn't understand the whole "benefits" idea.
Benefits as in Sex,without being Commited to exclusivly date/see the other person.........
benefits are cool,as when you have broke up with someone,but you still spend some "quality" {benefit} time together!
how about you????????? Pepsi
Originally posted by: zCypher
What's with these threads?
Anyway... to answer your question, I think it can be ok, but it will never be a long term solution, as it was never meant to be, it's simply a casual relation, those types of things come and go.
It's not for people who are committed. For single people, I see no problem with it, if both parties are ok with it. But obviously if you're ho-ing around, there are consequences associated with those actions. If you aren't ready to accept the consequences of your actions or take appropriate measures to prevent said consequences, then you have a problem.
zCypher pretty much summed up what I think. I was in a situation like that, but it worked out in the end
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