Friend's son was in a serious car accident

[PricklyPete]

Worst nightmare for sure. Best of luck to your friend and his family. Horrible experience to go through.

 

[purbeast0]

Any males (particularly males) who reach 25 are typically survivors and should feel damn grateful about it rather than confuse it for competence. I can recall a half-dozen separate times that I did or participated in some damn foolish or reckless thing that easily could have gone wrong and resulted in disaster, including driving too fast.

One involved losing control of a car, fish tailing back and forth several times, actually going off the road into and then back out of a ditch, ending in a complete 180 facing the opposite direction on the shoulder. Minimal damage to the car but everyone in the car had a sense of what had just been avoided by grace/chance/luck/whatever and there was this long awkward pause and looking at each other in disbelief before the uncomfortable giggling started.

i have done a lot of really bad drunk driving when i was younger, to the point that looking back i am lucky as shit i was never so intoxicated that i got into an accident or even pulled over. almost every one of my friends has a DUI or DWI.

it's been over a decade since i've done anything close to what i used to do. now that i have a son when he gets to his teens i'm going to talk to him about drinking and driving and all that jazz and tell him my stories to let him know it's not a joke. i also have 2 people i used to work with, separate incidents, who were killed due to drinking and driving. it's just not worth it, especially with uber now a days.

to the OP sorry to hear that. one of my managers at my previous job lost his son who was 40 over a year ago and the guy still is not the same. i cannot fathom what it would be like to lose a child.

 

[mvbighead]

Update in op

Is it weird for me to be so personally affected by this? I have been completely off since hearing about the accident last week. I'm not obsessing over the incident (or at least I do not think I am), but it is definitely affecting my ability to work, concentrate, etc. I noticed all last week that I was intentionally putting off work on projects that involve my friend's clients, because when i would start on (or even think about) them I would start thinking about his son's plight. Those thoughts would then lead to a profound feeling of sadness, at which time I would find any excuse to stop working on that project and/or find something else to work on.

I just can't help but think that my buddy is living every parent's worst nightmare.

Not weird at all.

Anyone you're close to that you know is experiencing any extreme of grief is likely going to throw you off. And this is the extremest of the extreme. I would have a very tough time with it if it was anyone I knew closely.

 

[Sho'Nuff]

Not weird at all.

Anyone you're close to that you know is experiencing any extreme of grief is likely going to throw you off. And this is the extremest of the extreme. I would have a very tough time with it if it was anyone I knew closely.

Thanks. It is good to know that its a normal reaction. This is a particularly tough situation as you said. And its compounded by the fact that I have met my friend's son many times. Spent quality time with his whole family, etc.

Jesus if I was in my friend's situation I think I would be emotionally destroyed. Not sure I would ever recover.

 

[mvbighead]

Jesus if I was in my friend's situation I think I would be emotionally destroyed. Not sure I would ever recover.

Completely agree. Heck, some time ago my wife's mother died. And that took a good long while to recover, especially for my wife but it was difficult even for me. Knowing now how much I love my sons... I can't even begin to fathom that amount of pain.

 

[allisolm]

Jesus if I was in my friend's situation I think I would be emotionally destroyed. Not sure I would ever recover.

I cannot even imagine the pain of having to decide to remove one of my children from life support.

 

[Sonikku]

I can't imagine the agony of having to choose when to let your kid die.

 

[preCRT]

My condolences for your friend, his family, & friends [including you].

Perhaps he may find some comfort in donation of his son's organs.

 

[gorcorps]

Only reason I bring it up is because I so often see people making crass judgy comments about young persons getting killed or seriously injured doing shit that is not unlike the things I know they did when they were younger. Something happens to many people when they get older, they get really selective recollections that allow them to feel superior to the younger generation.

I've had this discussion with some of the older guys here (steel mill) and the consistent response I get is how many of them feel truly lucky to be alive in hindsight. I think years of seeing sad things happen to people, some close friends and some not, give you a new perspective the older you get that you don't have when you're young. The young folks haven't been a part of enough bad experiences to know how quickly things can go wrong, and feel kind of invincible. We just had a mechanic here lose his kid after they crashed into a creek in bad weather (alcohol looks to have played a factor too):
http://www.wndu.com/content/news/Two-missing-people-found-dead-368770731.html

You can certainly tell everybody here was affected by it, and we're all a little more careful and more aware of how quickly things can go wrong.

 

[MtnMan]

Young people often feel invincible at that age sadly. I'm sorry to hear.

All three ejected. Seatbelts?

 

[JulesMaximus]

Update in op

Is it weird for me to be so personally affected by this? I have been completely off since hearing about the accident last week. I'm not obsessing over the incident (or at least I do not think I am), but it is definitely affecting my ability to work, concentrate, etc. I noticed all last week that I was intentionally putting off work on projects that involve my friend's clients, because when i would start on (or even think about) them I would start thinking about his son's plight. Those thoughts would then lead to a profound feeling of sadness, at which time I would find any excuse to stop working on that project and/or find something else to work on.

I just can't help but think that my buddy is living every parent's worst nightmare.

No, it isn't weird. It is perfectly normal. When I found out about my friend's son I was at work and actually went out to my car and wept. It still makes me tear up just thinking about it. I knew his son since he was a baby, he was a very kind and unique individual.

One thing I will say is try to just listen and be there for your friend. Don't avoid him. My friend commented to me that I was one of the few friends of his who he felt that he could actually talk to. Everyone else seemed to want to avoid the subject at all cost.

Your buddy is living every parent's worst nightmare. I'm so sorry to hear that his son is not doing well. :'(

 

[BoomerD]

I cannot even imagine the pain of having to decide to remove one of my children from life support.

I can't imagine the agony of having to choose when to let your kid die.

Parents should NOT have to bury their children. Having to decide on pulling the plug? That would be difficult at best.

 

[madoka]

All three ejected. Seatbelts?

Judging from the pic of the accident, it doesn't look like they were. The cabin was relatively intact, but it looks like a door got sheared off.

It's a reminder to use your seat belts.

Condolences to the OP and the victims' families.

 

[Sho'Nuff]

All three ejected. Seatbelts?

Already discussed earlier in the thread.

 

[dave_the_nerd]

Damn, that's terrible. Sorry to hear this.

 

[Vdubchaos]

Sorry to hear, that sucks

Update in op

Is it weird for me to be so personally affected by this? I have been completely off since hearing about the accident last week. I'm not obsessing over the incident (or at least I do not think I am), but it is definitely affecting my ability to work, concentrate, etc. I noticed all last week that I was intentionally putting off work on projects that involve my friend's clients, because when i would start on (or even think about) them I would start thinking about his son's plight. Those thoughts would then lead to a profound feeling of sadness, at which time I would find any excuse to stop working on that project and/or find something else to work on.

I just can't help but think that my buddy is living every parent's worst nightmare.

Things can ALWAYS be WAY worse......

You need to get this of your mind. Sure it sucks and it's horrible, but life goes on.

Be positive and optimistic.

Often, I think people don't realize when they tell their loved ones these things they do more damage than good........

 

[rh71]

I remember in driver's ed they showed us graphic images of what can happen. Maybe more of this can be employed in high school. Kids are the worst when they're with friends.

 

[PowerEngineer]

Update in op

Is it weird for me to be so personally affected by this? I have been completely off since hearing about the accident last week. I'm not obsessing over the incident (or at least I do not think I am), but it is definitely affecting my ability to work, concentrate, etc. I noticed all last week that I was intentionally putting off work on projects that involve my friend's clients, because when i would start on (or even think about) them I would start thinking about his son's plight. Those thoughts would then lead to a profound feeling of sadness, at which time I would find any excuse to stop working on that project and/or find something else to work on.

I just can't help but think that my buddy is living every parent's worst nightmare.

As others have already said, yours is a completely understandable reaction.

That said, if your working on the projects that involve your friend's clients means that he has one less thing to worry about during this terrible time, then perhaps pushing yourself to do it may the kindest thing you can do for him.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Sho'Nuff]

Update in OP.

The world grew a little less bright today.

 

[JSt0rm]

This will be threaded into the fabric of his being. You don't recover from this kind of thing.

 

[Kyle]

very sorry to hear

 

[mrblotto]

Wow....sorry to hear. No parent should have to bury their child

 

[skyking]

I'm so sorry for you and your friend. I know some of this pain and it is hard not to shut down, turn away. Take care of yourself first if need be. Then do what little you can for your friend.

 

[preCRT]

I'm sorry

 

[SlowSpyder]

So sorry to hear. When I saw this bumped back to the top I had really hoped for good news. We still have a long way to go regarding brain injuries.