Friday's First Joke Thread!!!

[Martin]

Ok, so these three guys are riding in an SUV through the desert when it breaks down all of a sudden and they realize they'll have to walk a few kilometres to get to their destination.

So they each take an item from the car to help them along the way. The first guy takes some water, the second guy takes a seat and the third guy rips the car door and takes it with him.

So they start walking and the third guy asks the first guy, "So why'd you take the water?" and the first guy answers "well, when I get thirsty, I'll just have a drink." So then the third guy asks the second guy "So why'd you take that seat?" and the second guy answers "well, when I get tired, I can sit and relax comfortably."
Finally, the first and second guys start wondering and ask the third guy "well, why did you take that car door?" and the third guy goes "well, its the desert, so when I get hot, I'll just roll down the window!"

!!!!!

 

[ISAslot]

Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. The first man turns to the other and says,
"You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense they carry you around the building and back into the window."
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar. The second guy says,
"What are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen."
"No, it's true," said the first man, let me prove it to you."
He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar. He met the second man, who looked quite astonished.
"You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."
"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps.
Again just as he is hurling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.
"Well, what the hell," the second guy says, "it works, I'll try it!"
He jumps over the balcony plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors... and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat." Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker,
saying:
"You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."

 

[yobarman]

i heard both those a thousand times.

 

[MrCodeDude]

Superman = Evil. Batman = My hero.

*starts to sing*
Have I ever told you, you're my hero?
You're everything I was meant to be..
-- mrcodedude

 

[hzl eyed grl]

Okaaaay, here's the one I always post. (There are so many new people, maybe there's one or two that haven't seen it yet. lol)


What's the difference between a frog and a horny toad?


A frog says, "Ribbit Ribbit"




A horny toad says, "Rub-it Rub-it".

*Ba dum bum*

 

[ppaik]

why aren't there any wal-marts in afghanistan?




cuz theres a target on every corner



sorry

 

[ISAslot]

Answering Machine Message for the Mental Health Institute

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive or compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5 and 6
If you are paranoid, we already know who you are, but stay on the line while we trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9, if you have short term memory loss, press 9, if you
have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

 

[DumbRedGuy]

The Girlfriend almost dumped me after I told her this one a long time ago, so I think I need to share it with all my new friends.


It's the day after Christmas, and two ten year old friends are talking to each other about what they got from the day before.
"So, what'd you get?" The first one asks.
"Oh, man, you wouldn't believe it... I got a new bike, a Playstation with a tv to play it on, a trampoline, a VCR with some of my favorite movies, a ton of Pokemon stuff... I even got to meet Brett Favre!" The second kid replies.
"Wow, that's really, cool."
"What did YOU get."
The first kid sort of shrugs and says "All I got was a baseball bat and glove."
The second kid says "Heh. Guess it sucks to be you."
To which the first kid replies "Yeah, well, I'm not the one dying of cancer."