LordMaul
Lifer
News Anchor Dan Rather and Peter Jennings, NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts and
a U.S. Marine were hiking through the desert one day when they were captured
by Iraqis. They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the
leader.
The leader said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the
condemned a last wish. Before we kill and dismember you, do you have any
last requests?"
- Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan, so I'd like one last bowl of hot,
spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with
the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."
- Peter Jennings said, "I am Canadian, so I'd like to eat some pure maple
syrup on a plate of pancakes one last time". The leader nodded to a
terrorist who left and then shortly returned with pure maple syrup and some
pancakes. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully.
- Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape
recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe
someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end," The
leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated
some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."
The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final
wish?"
"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.
"What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"
"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the
Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol
from inside his uniform, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting
confusion, he leapt to his rucksack, pulled out his M16, and sprayed the
Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, the Iraqis were dead or fleeing for their
lives.
As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings and Roberts, they asked him,
"Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the
ass first?"
"What!?" said the Marine, "And have you three assholes call ME the
aggressor?"
😀
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