Found out a fact I don't like about a good friend of mine

[archcommus]

I found out a really good friend of mine of many years steals stuff from stores regularly. They do it often, anywhere they can, and with zero remorse or regret. This obviously really changes how I think about this person and the kind of individual they are. How should I let this bit of information affect my relationship with them? I know it doesn't directly affect me or our friendship, but I have trouble liking them knowing they can feel that way about something and act that way. What would you do? I've already tried expressing my disappointment with them - they just shrug it off.

 

[LEDominator]

Originally posted by: archcommus
I found out a really good friend of mine of many years steals stuff from stores regularly. They do it often, anywhere they can, and with zero remorse or regret. This obviously really changes how I think about this person and the kind of individual they are. How should I let this bit of information affect my relationship with them? I know it doesn't directly affect me or our friendship, but I have trouble liking them knowing they can feel that way about something and act that way. What would you do? I've already tried expressing my disappointment with them - they just shrug it off.

if you have no qualms over stealing, then he'd probably have no qualms screwing you if something happened and the opportunity arose. Time to steer clear

 

[IEC]

Has s/he considered how s/he'd feel if someone stole from them?

 

[archcommus]

Originally posted by: Spartan Niner
Has s/he considered how s/he'd feel if someone stole from them?

They claim they wouldn't steal from an individual because that's wrong, but it doesn't matter from big stores because no one really hurts from the loss. I obviously disagree with that and think those are still very poor morals.

 

[IEC]

Originally posted by: archcommus

Originally posted by: Spartan Niner
Has s/he considered how s/he'd feel if someone stole from them?

They claim they wouldn't steal from an individual because that's wrong, but it doesn't matter from big stores because no one really hurts from the loss.

Their logic fails. If you hurt a store's profit you hurt the store's employees as well. Who are just average schmucks trying to make a living too.

 

[RichardE]

Originally posted by: Spartan Niner

Originally posted by: archcommus

Originally posted by: Spartan Niner
Has s/he considered how s/he'd feel if someone stole from them?

They claim they wouldn't steal from an individual because that's wrong, but it doesn't matter from big stores because no one really hurts from the loss.

Their logic fails. If you hurt a store's profit you hurt the store's employees as well. Who are just average schmucks trying to make a living too.

Possible s/he never thought about that

 

[archcommus]

Originally posted by: RichardE

Originally posted by: Spartan Niner

Originally posted by: archcommus

Originally posted by: Spartan Niner
Has s/he considered how s/he'd feel if someone stole from them?

They claim they wouldn't steal from an individual because that's wrong, but it doesn't matter from big stores because no one really hurts from the loss.

Their logic fails. If you hurt a store's profit you hurt the store's employees as well. Who are just average schmucks trying to make a living too.

Possible s/he never thought about that

I'm sure if I mentioned that they'd just say "Well, just me doing it isn't making any difference. Whether I individually do or don't, nothing will change."

But that's just the classic "free riding" mentality, and having no desire to help contribute to the sustainability of society. Which is part of why I'm changing how I think about this person.

 

[IEC]

It's the same sort of person who's responsible for the classic case of the tragedy of the commons... I mean, it couldn't hurt that much if I overfish this spot a little, right? Multiply x100 other fishermen, and you just dug the grave of the local fishing industry.

 

[silverpig]

SWARM SWARM SWARM!!!

 

[Orsorum]

I take pride in who I am and how I act. I extend that same pride to those I choose to call friends. You have to make a choice for yourself, too.

 

[sygyzy]

I want to know if you consider your friend a good person to begin with. What I mean is it's hard to form an opinion without knowing who you or your friend are or your situations. For all I know, you're a 2 strike felon and you keep similar company. Is this really a big shock to you?

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: archcommus
I found out a really good friend of mine of many years steals stuff from stores regularly. They do it often, anywhere they can, and with zero remorse or regret. This obviously really changes how I think about this person and the kind of individual they are. How should I let this bit of information affect my relationship with them? I know it doesn't directly affect me or our friendship, but I have trouble liking them knowing they can feel that way about something and act that way. What would you do? I've already tried expressing my disappointment with them - they just shrug it off.

I realize it's just sort of a pet peeve, but your grammar implies that your friend is some weird communal plural being, like he or she isn't one person, but several. "They" steal? Who are they? If it's a man, say "he", and if it's a woman, say "she". If you decline to state, then word your comments in such a way as to avoid the problem.

 

[Leros]

Originally posted by: Kadarin

Originally posted by: archcommus
I found out a really good friend of mine of many years steals stuff from stores regularly. They do it often, anywhere they can, and with zero remorse or regret. This obviously really changes how I think about this person and the kind of individual they are. How should I let this bit of information affect my relationship with them? I know it doesn't directly affect me or our friendship, but I have trouble liking them knowing they can feel that way about something and act that way. What would you do? I've already tried expressing my disappointment with them - they just shrug it off.

I realize it's just sort of a pet peeve, but your grammar implies that your friend is some weird communal plural being, like he or she isn't one person, but several. "They" steal? Who are they? If it's a man, say "he", and if it's a woman, say "she". If you decline to state, then word your comments in such a way as to avoid the problem.

A common mistake people make is to use "they" for he/she

 

[archcommus]

Originally posted by: Leros

Originally posted by: Kadarin

Originally posted by: archcommus
I found out a really good friend of mine of many years steals stuff from stores regularly. They do it often, anywhere they can, and with zero remorse or regret. This obviously really changes how I think about this person and the kind of individual they are. How should I let this bit of information affect my relationship with them? I know it doesn't directly affect me or our friendship, but I have trouble liking them knowing they can feel that way about something and act that way. What would you do? I've already tried expressing my disappointment with them - they just shrug it off.

I realize it's just sort of a pet peeve, but your grammar implies that your friend is some weird communal plural being, like he or she isn't one person, but several. "They" steal? Who are they? If it's a man, say "he", and if it's a woman, say "she". If you decline to state, then word your comments in such a way as to avoid the problem.

A common mistake people make is to use "they" for he/she

Not a mistake, just speaking colloquially. It's more natural to say "they" than putting h/she all over the place since I am trying to keep it as generic as possible. People know what I mean. If I was writing a paper, I'd do it properly.

Originally posted by: sygyzy
I want to know if you consider your friend a good person to begin with. What I mean is it's hard to form an opinion without knowing who you or your friend are or your situations. For all I know, you're a 2 strike felon and you keep similar company. Is this really a big shock to you?

I never thought of them as the best person ever or anything, but definitely with higher morals than this. Morals that I could at least be fine with. No one's perfect, but I consider myself of relatively high moral standards.

 

[Cdubneeddeal]

My thoughts: I would slowly transition out of the friendship. For me, I could never have a friend like that as I have high morals and abide by the law (Minus speeding). I think if you were completely honest to this person and let them know that you don't approve of their behavior it might make them change it, may not. Good luck. Tough spot to be in.

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
I take pride in who I am and how I act. I extend that same pride to those I choose to call friends. You have to make a choice for yourself, too.

Could not agree more.

 

[BoomerD]

I cannot stand a thief, so the friend would be a former friend if I found out.

Whatcha donna do if you two are out somewhere together and he gets busted for shoplifting? You just might be picked up yourself as an accessory.

 

[radioouman]

This is about a girl that you like... I had a girl that I liked in college that did it too sometimes. I just made sure that she didn't do that around me.

 

[SirStev0]

Originally posted by: LEDominator

Originally posted by: archcommus
I found out a really good friend of mine of many years steals stuff from stores regularly. They do it often, anywhere they can, and with zero remorse or regret. This obviously really changes how I think about this person and the kind of individual they are. How should I let this bit of information affect my relationship with them? I know it doesn't directly affect me or our friendship, but I have trouble liking them knowing they can feel that way about something and act that way. What would you do? I've already tried expressing my disappointment with them - they just shrug it off.

if you have no qualms over stealing, then he'd probably have no qualms screwing you if something happened and the opportunity arose. Time to steer clear

I think that is mostly untrue. Is there any reason for the stealing?

 

[Viper GTS]

That's one thing I won't tolerate in friends either, not quite sure why it bugs me as much as it does but I would drop them.

Had a couple coworkers that I was spending time with outside of work until they started buying expensive video cards (GeForce DDR when that was brand new) and returning random PCB's for a full refund. They thought it was hilarious that they could return a modem in place of a top of the line video card.

That was pretty much the end of me having anything to do with them.

Viper GTS

 

[mugs]

Originally posted by: silverpig
SWARM SWARM SWARM!!!

:thumbsup:

 

[SunnyD]

You know, I had a similar problem with a previous co-worker. I honestly could not let it go. It made it worse that I had essentially hired him into the position (a promotion for him) as well. The more we worked together, the more he shared about himself, the less I liked. Of course his work performance also began to head into the shitter too, so that made things 100-fold worse. He was a large part of why I left my last job.

 

[Nitemare]

turn him in?

 

[Jeff7]

Originally posted by: Leros

A common mistake people make is to use "they" for he/she

Of course, we've got a dandy language without a gender-neutral term.

 

[alkemyst]

There was a friend of ours that we found out by accident (being chased by store security) was a major theif. We didn't even know he was doing it, yet had taken tons of stuff from a Target and had it loaded into bag he had, plus hidden in his cloths. Supposedly he did this a lot and sold the stuff online and even to other stores.

Later at about 13 years old he set up with an ex-convict and carded 'a semi truck' full of computers and office equipment. He hired a lady to man the phones 24x7 for three days. He paid her a couple grand.

No one is sure where he took off too. I believe they caught the ex-con. This was about 20 years ago now.