Former Christians and theists, what was your "deconversion" like?

[Electric Amish]

I noticed that all the people around me in church acted in a completely different manner while at church than in their normal lives.

That's what started it and it grew from there through more observations and logical discussion in my head.

amish

 

[Nightfall]

My parents weren't die hard church going people. However, that changed when I was 10. My parents started going to church every Sunday. This was quite a change for me, as I didn't like church. I found it boring to say the least. I would have rather done anything else but that. However, I still went. Things went pretty much the same until I reached the age of 12 when I went I found out that my grandfather had terminal lung cancer that had spread. He didn't pass away quickly. It was one of those deaths that you are relieved that happens. After that point, my parents stopped going to church. Maybe it was because they lost their faith. I have no idea personally. They did go on Easter Sunday on occassion and Christmas sometimes through the years.

What caused you to question your beliefs?

I can't really say I believed in the first place. Yes, I went to church, prayed, and read the bible. However, there was always some kind of doubt lingering in the back of my head. Like something just didn't add up.

How did you arrive at atheism [edit] (or your new set of beliefs)?

I was facinated with science, but I didn't have a mind for it. However, when it came to new scientific breakthroughs and discoveries, like dinosaur bones, I was interested. I think that is where I got my beliefs. I just couldn't believe in something that had no proof attached to it. I am agnostic.

What was the transition like? Was it stressful? Was it difficult? Was it a long, drawn-out process, or a quick epiphany?

The transition was pretty slow actually. I did a lot of soul searching through high school and into college. I wanted to make sure I studied the bible and other religious works for some kind of proof of God's existance. I couldn't find anything either solidly proving or denying God's existance.

How did your family, friends, and loved-ones react to your newfound [dis]belief?

I told my girlfriend (future wife) about my beliefs and she wasn't upset at all. She believes in God, but not going to church all the time. I haven't told my parents or siblings about my beliefs yet. Course, that conversation never comes up. My friends know what my beliefs are, and a few of them try to change my mind. However, just like their beliefs, there is no point in that. Therefore, they accept me for who I am.

How has it impacted your outlook on life?

My outlook on life is great. I have always had confidence in myself and probably always will. I wouldn't have to say that becoming an Agnostic has made my life better or worse. A lot of that is your own attitude on life. If you are a positive thinker and want to make a difference, you don't need a religion to make it happen.

 

[skace]

It went something like this:

Me: Mom I don't like CCD, I don't think I'm going to go anymore.
Mom: 🙁 Ok.

I went to a catholic highschool, but it didn't matter by then. Sorry if this isn't magical and long. It probably doesn't even add anything to the thread, but you asked how my deconversion was like and this is how it was.

 

[GoingUp]

It started with the realization that religion causes more problems than it solves. That and the fact that all religion is utter hypocracy, esp the Catholic Church.

 

[Banana]

Everytime I think of the hiccups in the physical/natural world, and the inherent flaws in Homo sapiens, I believe less and less that there is a benevolent omnipotent deity, especially the Christian god. If "God" created the world in which we live, either he is a really crappy creator, or he needs World Creator v2.0

I never really had faith, so maybe I cannot be considered a former believer.

 

[Dedpuhl]

I don't have a long story. Basically, I've always questioned the existence of a "god." My parents never went to church, but forced my sister and I to go until I was in the 6th grade. Around the 8th grade, I realized that religion was bunk, and I didn't need it. I've been an atheist ever since (almost 12 years now).

My parents were not oppressive, therefore, I was able to make my own decisions. I keep to myself and don't mention my beliefs to anyone until:

a. Someone asks me
b. Someone gives me a JW pamphlet
c. Someone starts preaching to me

When b and c occur, I gladly tell them "f**k you and your God." It may seem harsh, but it gets the point across.



Hehe....My mom thinks I'm joking when I claim to be an atheist. She almost sounds saddened after I soundly defeat her in debates over religion. I guess being an engineering graduate with a great job isn't good enough.....I must be saved for her to be happy...

 

[DougK62]

Great thread!

I was born a sort of "free thinker". I never believed what people told me - I had to form my own conclusions about things to be happy. My mother is an extreme Catholic, and this is how I was raised. I went to a Catholic grade school. These ideals were crammed down my throat, and as a young and impressionable child I told myself that I believed it. As I got older and my mind grew stronger I questioned the knowledge that was forced on me and concluded that I did NOT believe it. It did not come all at once, but I clearly remember uttering the words for the first time when talking to a friend.

I am not Christian - in fact, I'm not religious at all

...was what I said. In my mind I exclaimed a big "WOAH!" and got a big grin on my face. It felt so good to say it. It was a weight off of my chest. It totally changed my attitude, too. I was (and still am) a more happy, enthusiastic, passionate, forgiving, loving, caring, and genuine person from then on.

I still haven't told my uber-Catholic mother. It would break her heart and I love her too much to do that. Deep in her heart I think she has known for a while...

I declared myself an Agnostic that did not believe in a god when I left Christianity. I didn't believe that a god existed and it was great because I had my own reasons and could explain my reasoning to myself. However, I still wondered if a god existed and in what form it took. Several years ago I had another revelation. I was sitting in a tree with my canvas and pastels at sunset. I thought to myself that this is just too beautiful and perfect. I felt that there was just NO WAY that this gorgeous setting could have just happened by "accident" or "chance". So from that night forward I've been an Agnostic that DOES believe in a higher power (call it a god if you want). What form this higher power takes I do not know, but I know that I like to ponder it ;-)

 

[Orsorum]

Bump.

 

[bunker]

What the hell, I'll bite.

I was a Catholic. Went to Catholic school for 8 years, church on Sundays, the whole 9 yards. After high school I sporadically attended services while in college.

I still considered myself a Catholic, just not a practicing one for a while. Then, one night, I just sort of had an epiphany. I started thinking about death and what really happens when we die. I thought to myself, why should we be any different than a little ant that gets fried by a kid with a magnifying glass. That ant can't possibly have an afterlife, so why should humans. We're all simply animals living on this planet, we just happen to have a realization of self and can't tolerate the thought of that self ending. Which led to me thinking about religion and why religion even exists.

My theory on that revolves around death. It's pretty scary to think that absolutely nothing happens when we die so as a coping mechanism an afterlife was conjured up. This gives people hope that all is not in vain, that there is a purpose to living and place to go afterward. That's one thing all religions have in common, some sort of afterlife/reincarnation. It doesn't just "end".

I consider myself an agnostic, not an outright athiest. I guess it's those years of conditioning in Catholic school that lead me to leave open the possibility of a higher power 🙂.

EDIT: I'm 30 years old now and only recently told my mother my beliefs. I was scared to disappoint her, but to my surprise she completely understood. She said she wishes it were different but knows there's just no way to convince a person with my reasoning otherwise.

 

[PuterDoctor]

A lot of things caused me to change my beliefs.My current belief is there is a God and reincarnation.It was the bible that caused me to question-phrases like the wise will be purified many times over(lives),and the one where they ask Jesus(Yeshosua) why this man suffers for and He replies for the sins of his past life,and that the people thought Jesus was Elijah or Moses returned(kinda seems that they believed in reincarnation).
I haven't always believed in God,I used to be atheist but certain experiences happened to me that convinced me that there was a God.
I became a fundy Christian untill the above passages convinced me that there was a lot more to it then just Heaven or Hell(I don't believe in either).
My family is ok with my beliefs and the way I see the world has changed dramatically.Everything is much more beautiful now that I no longer have the fear of Hell hanging over me.

 

[Red Dawn]

Religion especially Christianity sounded like complete Bullocks to me even as a young child.

 

[AreaCode707]

I'm a Christian, and I haven't had a deconversion experience, but I've enjoyed reading through this thread and seeing what you guys have experienced. Thanks for taking the time to share. 🙂

 

[Ryan]

As a child, my parents brought me up in a Christian home, but I honestly never believed in a god (I was always interested in science as a young child, and I started learning evolution early). In 2nd grade, I did a science fair project on Evolution (although it wasn't a good project, I learned the basic concepts of evolution through it). After that, it just became clear in my mind that creationism was impossible and unrealistic.

My parents are separated - my mother and step-father know my beliefs (I live with them), but my father and step mother don't. I don't want my father/step mother to know because they are true believers (but not religious wackos), and I think that it would be a little too much for them to take.

I'm not very vocal about my beliefs, I believe that it's everyones right to believe in what they want to believe in. I do not look down on any religion, and I respect the decisions that people have made. When discussion topics that have to deal with religion, I try not to push my beliefs on others. I don't assert that I believe that God doesn't exist, in fact, I try to approach everything from a logical view without involving religion.

 

[imported_Papi]

What caused you to question your beliefs?

I?ve questions the religion I was brought up knowing all of my life. I never quit believed the stories that our classes discussed in elementary school. I was always the kid asking questions that the teacher and school priest didn?t have answers for.

How did you arrive at atheism [edit] (or your new set of beliefs)?

I don?t consider it a ?new religion or set of beliefs? because I don?t really have any. I just believe we exist. If anything I would consider our race (species/humans) just another alien living on a planet.

What was the transition like? Was it stressful? Was it difficult? Was it a long, drawn-out process, or a quick epiphany?

I don?t remember I was drugged most of the time and having sex the other half. I guess it went smoothly.


How did your family, friends, and loved-ones react to your newfound [dis]belief?

My parents didn?t care. They encouraged me to believe in what I think was right. They don?t pass judgement unless you are trying to pass judgment on me.

How has it impacted your outlook on life?

If I?m ever looking for an argument with someone I can just bring up religion and how I am a non-believer. That wastes a bit of my time.

Feel free to answer only some of my questions, or answer questions I've neglected to ask. Feel free to post your own questions for others to answer.


I think all religions are cults.

 

[MithShrike]

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Originally posted by: ValsalvaYourHeartOut

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Originally posted by: Mith
Aye sign me up! As an ex-Christian I might have something good to contribute!
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An ex-Christian??? Please share your story...I'm sure we'd all love to hear about your "Agnostic walk."

Valsalva
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Please forgive me for my lack of notice towards this thread. Anyways, I was born and raised in a Christian family. My mother was saved and my father wasn't... he left when I was four. From then on I was always told that Jesus could be my daddy. Erm right. So, back to the story. As a youngster in kindergarten - which I attended twice due to a 6-month bout of pneumonia - I was pretty mean but I was also a pimp. I would bite people and beat the hell out of them but the girls were always after me. Hehe. I had people over to my house for play dates... yes at 5 and 6 years old I was able to get girls to be naked... too bad I'm not too deft at that now. Anyways, we're going to skip ahead to my 11th year of life.

While I started 5th grade my mother remarried to a fat Portugese bastard named Ray. As my "Earthly Father" he was not very adequate. He tried to put his old-world values upon me because that's what his parents did. Ray was only a second generation American. Ray would beat the hell out of me but I pretty much gave him good reason to. I'd jump up then kick him in the stomach while he was on the couch... for that I got my head smashed into the bathtub. At the same time I was going through an extreme bout of depression. My stepfather then decided I needed therapy. SO I started attending a psychologist yet mostly what I did was charm him into thinking that the rest of my family members are evil.

Anyways, my mother divorced Ray after I was 13 and in 7th grade. 7th grade year I had read some books that my mother had gotten for me at a yard sale. It was the Forbidden Borders Trilogy by W. Michael Gear. Very interesting as I pondered the religion that had worshipped the quanta. OK, so at this time I decided that I had better figure out what the hell it was I believed. Being the American young'n I was I went with what I had known and what was most accessible: Christianity as expressed through First Baptist Church of Stockton, CA.

I became involved in the youth group there. Yet, my social and academic life started to suffer. I would plan to go on mission trips and I was involved with a group of kids in the group called PaceSetters. I wasn't doing well though. I started not going to school. When high school started my whole outlook on school was so bad that I pretty much attended school about once a week. Ah, to tell my mother that I would ride my bike to school and not do so was so nice. I would play Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II on the Internet and when I did go to school it was only for NJROTC and Drafting. Well, needless to say I flunked my freshman year. I was overweight and could care less about school so much was my focus on Christ... or FBC Stockton.

Yeah... so I moved to Arizona in my second freshman year. There I became involved with Rock Point Church because the black woman who I was living with - I'd also known her for about 3 years while at FBC - was the music director there. While at Rock Point I had started to draw away from the church and Christ because the attitude was completely different there and I was not the revered Matt Parsons - PaceSetter there.

Hehe well, something I should mention... throughout my teenage years I was convinced I was immoral because pornography had appealed to me so. I was so thoroughly indoctrinated that I had shared with another friend from church my "secret sin." Turns out just about every other guy I knew at that church was addicted to pornography and that I was no special case. Well, I though that was just great I had something to share with other people. Much to my surprise most of these people who were addicted to it had not been delivered from it.

Well, my mother and sister moved to Arizona six months after I did and by that time I was not too happy with Rock Point Church. The youth pastor there had basically assigned and guilt tripped me into being a drama leader for the youth group there and it didn't work out. I stopped going to church altogether and that's that.

I must say that the one thing that really took me away from Christianity was that I finally realized that I had some major blinders on. I would argue with people endlessly. I lost a lot of chances to have girlfriends, friends, and just people not hating me by arguing for Christ. I would walk about so piously and condemn people and then i realized that's not what I wanted. Then I thought some more and I had an epiphany, all of my proselytizing and condemnation was basically what I myself abhorred. All this in the name of a God.

I have recently turned my life around, I'm on track with school even though I'm not graduating the year I was originally supposed to; but this time by my choice. My health is better than it has ever been; migraines are still around but that's part of my life now, my asthma is better, so are my allergies, my acne has pretty much cleared up. I can actually go out and talk with people who I don't know just to talk with them rather then to spread Christ. My family is still Christian yet luckily they respect my disbelief.

PS: Christ can blow me! I am GOD!!! Wahahaha!

 

[Isla]

Well, I still have the faith I always had, which is probably close to Unitarianism BUT I don't subscribe to ANY organized religion, and I'm not a Unitarian or whatever they are. (edit: Just looked up general definition of Unitarian and I'm not that. ) However, I can speak for how my husband went from being a fundamentalist Christian to an agnostic. At least from my perspective.

He grew up in a family where God was used as a way to manipulate and control people. The very people who claimed to be the 'godliest' were the people who were the most abusive, and in fact, the least Christ-like. Lots of skeletons and dead rotting bodies in the closet, hidden by a facade of pious church going and Bible thumping. This is a family who actually thinks they are better than everyone else because they are such good Christians. I hope you all see the irony in this.

Then he met me, and I was just this lost little lamb who seemed to need 'saving'. So I did everything I was supposed to do to join the family/church but it soon became clear that I was 'less than' no matter what I did. I became the lowest scapegoat, and worse, my husband abused me in the way he was abused. And of course, that is not what Jesus was all about.

So, after a couple of years of that, I had a real epiphany that gave me the strength to stand up and say, "Enough!" (And much thanks to those who helped me, you know who you are)

When I did that, my husband had to take a long, hard look at the beliefs he was raised with. And then he had to choose between me and them.

Because, even though I've never been part of the right religious club, I have always tried my best to follow Jesus's example, my husband saw that his family/church was basically based on fearful beliefs and riddled with hypocrisy. And that tainted, sinful, inferior little me was a lot closer to living what was actually preached.

Now he is agnostic, leaning towards atheism. And I still believe what I've always believed. *shrug*

He HAS started to read the Tao Te Ching, which I am glad of. IMHO, pretty much everything in Tao philosophy is what Jesus was trying to say anyway, He was just bringing it to the West. My opinion is that Jesus was right on, but that the church and just the nature of human society in general has just totally focused on being 'righteous' and missed the whole point of what Jesus was trying to teach. It's more fun to be part of a powerful group who is 'right' than to truly follow Christ. Right? 😛

Anyway, my advice to anyone leaving the church or having a change of belief is simple... don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. But by all means, get rid of all the trash that comes with being part of a socially constructed belief system/organization. 😉

 

[EXman]

Thread rules:

ya that will make people think twice before posting.

Mith: don't think you're the top heathen here you'll have to fight for that spot with MANY others. so blow yourself since no one else would meet your godly standard. 😉

 

[Isla]

Oh, one last thing...

It has been very very hard for him because his family hasn't changed. He has, though. That's one thing you have to deal with... you might change, and you might change the way you respond to your family, but that's ALL you can do.

 

[Isla]

Oh, and one more thing...

A book that may be out of print sort of fell off a shelf into my hands one day at Barnes and Noble and it was a HUGE part of what changed my husband's beliefs.

It is called When God Becomes A Drug: Breaking The Chains of Religious Addiction and Abuse by Leo Booth.

It took my husband a long time to finally read it, but when he did, he saw his family described to a 'T'. (Thank you, Leo Booth!!!)

 

[clamum]

I really enjoyed reading your posts Orsorum. Well written. 🙂

I was brought up a Methodist Christian. I attended Sunday School when I was younger and then as I got older I attended the church services. Even in Sunday School I didn't quite grasp what was trying to be tought. It just didn't make much sense to me, it had no relevence in my life. It was just something I went to on Sunday and after that I went home and did my own thing and played and such.

So I never really had a strong belief in Christianity in the first place. Going to church was pointless, I thought. I would sit through a Sunday worship at church and be absolutely bored and did not really care what the pastor was talking about. Just went through the motions and did not have a strong faith, if really at all. My mom and brother and I would be the ones that went to church, my dad only went on Christmas Eve if I remember correctly, and possibly Easter too. Our family was by no means hardcore Christians but they believe what the church was teaching and did not really force it on my brother and I very strongly.

I was confirmed probably 5-6 years ago and have not went to church since. Confirmation meant nothing to me. Just some ritual that I didn't really fully understand, and in fact, didn't want to understand. I could care less.

After taking Western Civilization in college and reading on the history of the church it was just more to add to my disbelief in Christianity. I totally agree with Orsorum about billions of people living before Christianity was invented. There was some excerpt from my Western Civ book that had some flood story and that is where the flood story of the Bible came from, it was copied/based off something else.

Currently I'm undecided on my religious stance. I'm not sure if there's a higher power out there; I do not believe in the Christian God one bit though. I am very happy with my life and have no need to believe in God. I'm doing fine on my own without someone in the sky watching over me. Then comes the question of death and an afterlife. My thoughts? I guess I could sit here wondering what happens when I die but I'd rather enjoy life right now and when the time comes, well, the time comes.

 

[Isla]

hehe, yet one more thing.

I looked up Unitarianism and I sure as heck am not that. 😛 I thought maybe it had to do with believing that everyone was beloved in God's eyes, and that there is no one 'right' religion.

So I have no name for what I believe!

 

[Nitemare]

I was raised Southern Baptist, attended church regularly as a child and even read the bible cover to cover more than once. I've got a habit of seeing something and being able to tell you what is out of place just like that.

I started examining the Reverends, Deacons and uber Christians. I looked at their behaviors an their moral fiber. I remembered the quote "Judge not lest ye be judged" from Matthew I think when evaluating these God fearing men who were going to heaven and I having my doubts would be doomed to hell or purgatory according to them.

Then I remembered the book of James, How can these sinners possibly tell me that I will be left behind when they do far worse than me. They are not worthy to pick up a stone muchless throw one my way.

My stepfather's father was a minister, that had 9 kids. They did not have much growing up and I heard stories about his father eating ice cream in front of them, teasing them and then eating it all. He would also have his own indulgences while the kids had to go without. He was verbally abusive to his entire family.

When in high school, i considered myself not to be a Christian even thow I attended church regularly, was involved in the choir and helped teach bible study and reading to children. During this time there were pickup games of basketball on Saturday nights. One of the players was exceptionally good (great shooter, passer, cool guy to talk to) and was clearly the best player out of any of us that played and I would always pick him first when I was a captain. However, I was one of the few who did. I asked one of the other guys about it and he said that he was an outsider. He did not attend our church, came from a low income family and he was colored. Until that time I had not realize that he was the only black guy playing ball with us.

This douche bag and all the others who that took advantage of those people needing a hope and using it to pay for prostitutes, drugs, gambling, booze, makeup(Hello Tammy Faye). Also, the persecution and conversion of homosexuals.

The total non-acceptance of other religions or even other denominations. My sister was a Baptist and she married a catholic. Neither church would allow them to use one of their places of worship to get married because of this.

I quote Luke:
"35 But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Most High: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
36 Be ye merciful, as your Father also is merciful.
37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: "

I had already forsaken any organized religion prior to the Catholic church's coverup of the child raping priests.

Basically the hypocrisy from religious people turned me into the agnostic that I am today

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: Isla
hehe, yet one more thing.

I looked up Unitarianism and I sure as heck am not that. 😛 I thought maybe it had to do with believing that everyone was beloved in God's eyes, and that there is no one 'right' religion.

So I have no name for what I believe!

*grandpa Simpsons voice* What is it, a Unitarian?!

 

[lastig21]

When I was a child my parents would take me to church every Sunday. While I was very young, I remember enjoying because it was "fun." The church service was dull, but the arts and crafts time in Sunday School more than made up for it. During the week however, we performed no religious activities as a family. I suppose I learned early that Church was simply a Sunday function and wasn't a way of life.

In High School, my parents made a real push for me to get involved in Church. Why they had a sudden interest in me becoming a devout Christian I'm not sure, but I suspect it has more to do with keeping me safe (i.e. off-drugs and out of trouble). I never whole-heartedly tried to become a better Christian, but I don't think it is something that would require a great deal of effort. While I was evaluating my beliefs, I noticed that the majority of my Church peers were getting pregnant, using drugs, or being put in jail. I thought it was hypocritical of them to attend Church and call themselves Christians, but soon noticed that it wasn't so much that they were the problem as the Church structure as a whole. I began to focus more on the sermons and really try to understand and feel what the Preacher was trying to say. I was a member of a very large Methodist Church, and realized that the Preacher was only worried about making his church larger. His sermons were more "feel-good" stories as opposed to scripture based lessons. He would frequently talk about the crippled puppy that was adopted by a caring family, or how a young child called 911 to save his family from a fire. God was very rarely mentioned as it was an uneasy subject with the wealthy people of my Church. Entire sermons would be dedicated to the good deeds a wealthy person had done for their community if the church felt like expanding their Christian Life Center or felt they needed a new parking lot. Undoubtedly, they always received a very large donation. As you can tell, I grew up feeling that organized religion is a scam and I feel that had a very large part of my nonbelief today. I have visited friends'/familys' services before, and have been very impressed with a few of them. I can tell that their preacher is a devout believer, and his confidence reinforces the beliefs of his congregation.

I suppose my religious beliefs come down to a simple game of chance to me. On one hand I have an omnipotent being above that has complete control over the galaxy and everything created. His presence and choices cannot be understood and are encouraged to simply be accepted and not questioned. On the other hand I have a universe of chaos came together and allowed for a near-impossible spiral of events that created the Earth as we know it. As a logical person, I have chosen the second option . . for now.

I have not told my family that I do not believe yet. My entire family is very religious and while it would break their heart, they would not truly understand. More than likely, I would have multiple family members try to move in with me or have me move in with them so they can show me the light. It is easier on all parties for me to keep quiet. I have not had to tell them I am a Christian as it is something they just assume, but I have not and will not tell them otherwise.

I continue to celebrate religious Holidays, and don't feel any guilt about doing so. I do love my family and friends, and feel that it is very worthwhile to show them that they are appreciated. Holidays just offer a convienient way of expressing that.

Every now and then, I do have doubts about my doubt. I do not know if I will remain an agnostic, and in a way, hope that I don't. I think it would be great to know what life is about and to realize that you have been blessed with such a gift. At the present, I remain a nonbeliever that keeps his eyes pealed for a miracle 😉

 

[cjgallen]

Went to Sunday school as a kid, never liked it, never participated.

My parents always made me go to church, but they stopped going after the church started demanding money, therefore, I stopped going to church.

The next time I set foot in a church was my sister's wedding.

Then my sister and her husband were "saved." I had to sit through their "re-baptism" ceremony. After that they got all weird like they had joined some sort of cult. Plus they were always pressuring me to go to church with them. I learned to despise christianity.

I never felt like I had a religion. And I don't plan on finding one.

I believe there is a god, but I don't feel the need to worship him/her.

I see nothing wrong with other's religious beliefs, but your gonna be sorry if you try and push your beliefs onto me.