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For your criticism: My cover letter & Resume (EDIT: Question...)

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"I have taken a variety of business courses that give me the knowledge to be successful in the marketing field, and as you can see from my resume, I have had previous experience through jobs and internships that have given me a solid foundation for success in the marketing field."

The part in italics should be: that have given me the knowledge. Personally, I would break this sentence up into 2 as it runs a bit long.


I am fluent in an array of computer programs (including Microsoft Office), deal with clients on a regular basis, and have exceptional people skills.

You might want to reword this. I know exactly what you mean but to be precise Office is not a program. Since you specify the individual programs later you might just want just want to say software.

Also, I think you might be going a little too far back into your employment history. I know you want to get those Marketing positions in there, but there is something to be said for a relatively concise resume. I realize that if you cut out the web stuff at the beginning then you only wind up going back to 2000 so it doesn't seem like it covers alot of years. However, I think the things to stress, as you did in your cover letter, are education, experience from current position and previous marketing experience. So perhaps you can skip the web stuff. It's up to you of course.

Otherwise I think it looks good. Good luck!
 
Originally posted by: CChaos
"I have taken a variety of business courses that give me the knowledge to be successful in the marketing field, and as you can see from my resume, I have had previous experience through jobs and internships that have given me a solid foundation for success in the marketing field."

The part in italics should be: that have given me the knowledge. Personally, I would break this sentence up into 2 as it runs a bit long.


I am fluent in an array of computer programs (including Microsoft Office), deal with clients on a regular basis, and have exceptional people skills.

You might want to reword this. I know exactly what you mean but to be precise Office is not a program. Since you specify the individual programs later you might just want just want to say software.

Also, I think you might be going a little too far back into your employment history. I know you want to get those Marketing positions in there, but there is something to be said for a relatively concise resume. I realize that if you cut out the web stuff at the beginning then you only wind up going back to 2000 so it doesn't seem like it covers alot of years. However, I think the things to stress, as you did in your cover letter, are education, experience from current position and previous marketing experience. So perhaps you can skip the web stuff. It's up to you of course.

Otherwise I think it looks good. Good luck!
Click to expand...

Fantastic advice. Thank you, CChaos.

Making changes now... would "computer software" be rhedundant? Should I say "I am fluent in an array of computer software", or just "I am fluent in an array of software".

Gah. Now "array" sounds weird. 😛
 
Hehe. I don't think computer software is redundant though array does sound wierd if you say it too much. It's ok though. How about: I'm fluent in an array of pratical computer programs, ...

EDIT: Ah or applications. I'm fluent in several practical computer applications.
 
Make sure to attach a pic of Jenni and yourself to seal the deal. 😉

I should be more constructive, but I'm not in a very productive mode right now.

However, although I don't necessarily object, I don't believe "fluent" is the best word to describe competency in use of software applications. Nor is there a problem with calling MS Office a program, but these are minor points anyway. As you have it, the point is communicated.

Whatever you're truly good at, you'd want to work that into your description. IMO it's better to show expertise in a focused area relevant to the position, rather than listing 100 different skills as many geeks are apt to do. Although the automated resume-scraping software will pick all those words up, the hiring manager almost certainly will assume you've listed a bunch of items you don't actually know well.

You worked for the Evil Empire (tm), Microsoft, as a kid? :Q
 
Originally posted by: Gobadgrs
Howdy Dezign 😀

Im the VP-IS here at AIESEC Madison...

I'm workin on my resume right now as we speak.... Yours looks good! 😀

check out our webpage if you want...

http://www.sit.wisc.edu/~aiesec
Click to expand...

Whoo hoo, a fellow AIESEC-er!! 😀 My friend Omar was the VP of IS when I was back at Michigan. Glad you like the looks of mine, I'll check out your webpage now... 🙂 Do you guys still use ARC?
 
Originally posted by: manly
Make sure to attach a pic of Jenni and yourself to seal the deal. 😉

I should be more constructive, but I'm not in a very productive mode right now.

However, although I don't necessarily object, I don't believe "fluent" is the best word to describe competency in use of software applications. Nor is there a problem with calling MS Office a program, but these are minor points anyway. As you have it, the point is communicated.

Whatever you're truly good at, you'd want to work that into your description. IMO it's better to show expertise in a focused area relevant to the position, rather than listing 100 different skills as many geeks are apt to do. Although the automated resume-scraping software will pick all those words up, the hiring manager almost certainly will assume you've listed a bunch of items you don't actually know well.

You worked for the Evil Empire (tm), Microsoft, as a kid? :Q
Click to expand...

Heh. I just uploaded a pic of Jenni and I as the profile pic of my xanga. Small, but can kinda make us out... I'm on the right. 😛

Interesting point you make about focusing on what I'm truly good at... the problem is, I'm pretty good at a number of things, but the only thing I'm 110% confident in "being good at" is working and dealing with people. I haven't had much experience in anything else... not even webpage/graphic design (all self-taught, have fallen a little behind in terms of the latest styles/etc.).

And yeah... I hate MSFT now cuz they fvcked over my father. But I used to be a devout Microsoft follower (since they employed me), but that's a whole 'nother story...
 
One more question before I leave for Vegas...

The president of the company gave me the contact info/e-mails of the company's Human Resources Manager, the Marketing Manager, and the VP of Marketing.

Should I send out one cover letter (in the body of the e-mail) and resume to each person, or should I just e-mail one and cc the rest?

Thank you!
 
am applying for a marketing position with your company, which I have become familiar with through Mr. X (Mr. X is the president of the company), who I had the pleasure of speaking with during his trip to Los Angeles. Mr. X works closely with my associate Frankie "Flave" Nunez, an accomplished dancer. (the president of the company sponsors my ex-boyfriend, who recommended me to the president of the company... the president recommended me to the HR director and director of marketing, who this cover letter will be addressed to) I further researched your company on the Internet, and my interest in your company has intensified.
Click to expand...

that is a really confusing paragraph , i would re-work it to be much simpler and more direct. in fact it is confusiong enough that i might stop reading the rest all together and put it in the ciruclar file
 
to answer your question, i would send the letter to the human resource director and cc the president (especially if the pres told you to apply)
 
Originally posted by: Ameesh
am applying for a marketing position with your company, which I have become familiar with through Mr. X (Mr. X is the president of the company), who I had the pleasure of speaking with during his trip to Los Angeles. Mr. X works closely with my associate Frankie "Flave" Nunez, an accomplished dancer. (the president of the company sponsors my ex-boyfriend, who recommended me to the president of the company... the president recommended me to the HR director and director of marketing, who this cover letter will be addressed to) I further researched your company on the Internet, and my interest in your company has intensified.
Click to expand...

that is a really confusing paragraph , i would re-work it to be much simpler and more direct. in fact it is confusiong enough that i might stop reading the rest all together and put it in the ciruclar file
Click to expand...

Okay, which one of these would you prefer as an intro:

A)

"I am applying for a marketing position with your company, which I have become familiar with through Mr. x, who I had the pleasure of spending time with during his trip to Los Angeles. I further researched your company on the Internet, and my interest in (COMPANY NAME HERE) has intensified.

B)

"I am applying for a marketing position with your company, which I have become familiar with through Mr. x, who I had the pleasure of speaking with with during his trip to Los Angeles. I further researched your company on the Internet, and my interest in (COMPANY NAME HERE) has intensified."
 
Originally posted by: Ameesh
to answer your question, i would send the letter to the human resource director and cc the president (especially if the pres told you to apply)
Click to expand...

Got it, thank you. So don't even bother cc-ing the Marketing Manager or VP of Marketing?
 
Intro Paragraph, Option C:

I am applying for a marketing position with your company, which I have become familiar with through Mr. X. I had the pleasure of speaking with Mr. X during his trip to Los Angeles, and we discussed marketing strategies, company image, and sponsorships. I was encouraged to apply for a position and after further researching your company on the Internet, my interest in Globe has intensified.
 
Originally posted by: Dezign
Here's my resume:


Dezign
Dezign's addy/phone #/e-mail

EDUCATION

Smith College - Northampton, MA, May 2002
Bachelor of Arts in Psychology with education/technology concentration
Cumulative GPA 3.67/4.0, Dean?s List

University of Michigan - Ann Arbor, MI, 1998-2000
Liberal arts curriculum with business concentration, GPA 3.63/4.0

WORK EXPERIENCE

Major Motion Picture Studio, Legal Assistant - Santa Monica, CA, 2002-present
Provide administrative support to executives, create and update correspondence and reports.
Schedule, prepare and execute license agreements, coordinate with labs for material preparation and delivery.
Prepare art materials for marketing and advertising purposes, created MGM Clip+Still Marketing PowerPoint.
Work closely with client base daily via phone/e-mail correspondence, successfully secured several $40,000+ deals.

Educational Technology Services, Web and Graphics Center Consultant - Northampton, MA, 2001-2002
Provided assistance to users in web design, desktop publishing, image editing, use of WAG Center hardware.
Produced advertisements and marketing materials placed around campus, increased student attendance by 20%.
Handled invoicing of hardware and software, ordered materials as needed, troubleshot hard/software problems.

Smith College, Instructor: Web and Graphic Design - Northampton, MA, Spring 2001
Taught class of 20 students about web and graphic design utilizing web publishing and graphic design software during an intensive week-long, ten-hour course.

USIntertech, Inc., Sales & Marketing Coordinator - Plano, TX, Summer 2000-2001
Planned and managed advertising/promotional activities for ASP products and software, recruited twelve clients.
Maintained e-mail log and online database of orders, handled phones, performed administrative tasks and support.

University of Michigan, Creation Station Webmaster - Ann Arbor, MI, 1999-2000
Designed and maintained graphics and web pages for five university facilities and organizations.
Marketed e-mail log and online database of orders, handled phones, performed administrative tasks and support.

Microsoft, Web Consultant - Rochester Hills, MI, 1996-1998
Supported and assisted in effective use of instructional technology among staff and students.
Evaluated developmental software, HTML editors, DreamWorks graphics software, and presentation packages.

General Motors Corp., Webmaster - Warren, MI, Summer 1996
Assisted in creating and collaborating on the overhaul of the company?s intranet website.
Responsible for the construction and maintenance of over two hundred individual webpages.

COMPUTER SKILLS

Platforms: Windows NT/XP/2000/98/95, Macintosh
Tools: Microsoft Office (Word, Excel, PowerPoint and Access), FrontPage 98/00/02, Adobe Photoshop 4.0/5.0/6.0, Macromedia DreamWeaver 4, FileMaker Pro 3.0

ADDITIONAL EXPERIENCE AND INTERESTS

Arthur Vining Davis Grant Recipient, 2001-2002 - Worked directly with Teacher Technique and Curriculum Development, a collaborative secondary education teacher training and curriculum enhancement project.
European Leadership Development Seminar USA Representative, EUROLDS, February 2000
Information Systems Team Member and Consultant, AIESEC MI, 1998-2000 - Encouraged corporate social responsibility through service learning and campus-wide presentations, increased cultural understanding through the organization and planning of events on campus and abroad, assisted in developing and maintaining ARC, a global database utilized by over 50,000 members in 83 countries worldwide.
Possess working/intermediate knowledge of Cantonese Chinese and Spanish.
Enjoys skiing, drawing, reading, traveling, investing, tutoring, playing board games, designing personal wardrobe.
Click to expand...

You Went to U of M cool my brother is a professor there...

Ausm

 
Originally posted by: Dezign
Originally posted by: Ameesh
to answer your question, i would send the letter to the human resource director and cc the president (especially if the pres told you to apply)
Click to expand...

Got it, thank you. So don't even bother cc-ing the Marketing Manager or VP of Marketing?
Click to expand...

its probably over kill, you can if you want to but i wouldnt.
 
Originally posted by: Dezign
Originally posted by: Ameesh
am applying for a marketing position with your company, which I have become familiar with through Mr. X (Mr. X is the president of the company), who I had the pleasure of speaking with during his trip to Los Angeles. Mr. X works closely with my associate Frankie "Flave" Nunez, an accomplished dancer. (the president of the company sponsors my ex-boyfriend, who recommended me to the president of the company... the president recommended me to the HR director and director of marketing, who this cover letter will be addressed to) I further researched your company on the Internet, and my interest in your company has intensified.
Click to expand...

that is a really confusing paragraph , i would re-work it to be much simpler and more direct. in fact it is confusiong enough that i might stop reading the rest all together and put it in the ciruclar file
Click to expand...

Okay, which one of these would you prefer as an intro:

A)

"I am applying for a marketing position with your company, which I have become familiar with through Mr. x, who I had the pleasure of spending time with during his trip to Los Angeles. I further researched your company on the Internet, and my interest in (COMPANY NAME HERE) has intensified.

B)

"I am applying for a marketing position with your company, which I have become familiar with through Mr. x, who I had the pleasure of speaking with with during his trip to Los Angeles. I further researched your company on the Internet, and my interest in (COMPANY NAME HERE) has intensified."
Click to expand...


I am not an english major but it sounds to me that both are in the passive voice, i would say something like:

My name is dezign and i would like to apply for your current opening you have in your marketing department. I was made aware of this great opportunity after meeting with Mr. X. He was nice enough to refer me to you and encouraged me to look into the company and the position further. I have done so and I find myself very interested in the opportunitys at your company can provide me and the impact i can make to help <company_name> succeed. I have attached my resume to this email and I very much hope that we will be able to work together in the very near future.


 
Dezign, Dezign, Dezign, I am surprised no one pointed this out: Look at how many "I"s you have in each starting paragraph. I remember when I wrote a cover letter for my technical writing class. I thought it was perfect and other students gave it a great assessment. Nevertheless, to the contrary, my professor ripped my cover letter apart (figuratively). The first she pointed out was the "I"s starting almost all paragraphs. I had not realised it until she pointed it out, and I was shocked to notice that many "I"s starting my paragraphs. It could be she just liked me a lot, hence cared to point out the flaws. (She seemed to have something for me. :Q Hehehe! Not in that sense. . . . I mean I seemed to be one of her favourite students, so she often called me personally and pointed things out to me.)

Anyway, so I do not know if my professor was just nitpicking because of her interest. However, it never hurts to do things better. Please try to rephrase your starting paragraphs, so they do not all contain "I"s or repeated words.

Secondly, I fail to see transitions in each paragraph. You should try to make sure that the beginning of each paragraph (with exception to the first paragraph) is a transition from the end of the previous paragraph.

The company that you seek employment may not care about the strength of your writing, since the president referred you. Nevertheless, if you suspect that they would care, you should do some major renovation. Other members already pointed out some other problems. One is your introduction. It seems too long a sentence. Lastly, supposing it was not modified, it should read:

"I am applying for a marketing position with your company, which I have become familiar with through Mr. X (Mr. X is the president of the company), whom I had the pleasure of speaking with during his trip to Los Angeles."

You had "who" there, instead of "whom". Hopefully this has not come too late.
 
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