For your criticism: My cover letter & Resume (EDIT: Question...)

imported_Tomato

Diamond Member
Sep 11, 2002
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One more question before I leave for Vegas...

The president of the company gave me the contact info/e-mails of the company's Human Resources Manager, the Marketing Manager, and the VP of Marketing.

Should I send out one cover letter (in the body of the e-mail) and resume to each person, or should I just e-mail one and cc the rest?



I've finally decided to get up off my butt and go for a job that will challenge and motivate me to utilize my full potential. The job I have now is comfortable, but extremely dull... and stagnant. I've been here for a little over a year, and I'm ready to go on to bigger and better things...

Here's my cover letter and resume. Any suggestions/constructive criticism you could offer would be a great help, thank you!


Dear Mr./Ms. X,

I am applying for a marketing position with your company, which I have become familiar with through Mr. X (Mr. X is the president of the company), who I had the pleasure of speaking with during his trip to Los Angeles. Mr. X works closely with my associate Frankie "Flave" Nunez, an accomplished dancer. (the president of the company sponsors my ex-boyfriend, who recommended me to the president of the company... the president recommended me to the HR director and director of marketing, who this cover letter will be addressed to) I further researched your company on the Internet, and my interest in your company has intensified.

I recently graduated from Smith College, and also attended the University of Michigan where I studied business with a concentration in marketing. I have taken a variety of business courses that give me the knowledge to be successful in the marketing field, and as you can see from my resume, I have had previous experience through jobs and internships that have given me a solid foundation for success in the marketing field. Currently, I work for a major motion picture studio in Los Angeles, where I handle administrative, accounting, creative, and legal duties.

I have a strong drive and motivation to learn new things. My excellent verbal and written skills enable me to effectively communicate information to others. Having gained many new skills from my current job, I would make a good candidate for a marketing position in your company. I am fluent in an array of computer programs (including Microsoft Office), deal with clients on a regular basis, and have exceptional people skills. I am responsible for a variety of jobs to be done on a day-to-day basis and through them have strengthened my organizational skills and my ability to prioritize work.

My educational background, along with my diverse skills, makes me a strong candidate for a position within your company, and a face-to-face interview would allow me to demonstrate my character in a more personal way.

I look forward to hearing from you. I can be reached at (phone #).

Respectfully yours,
Dezign



:)
 

imported_Tomato

Diamond Member
Sep 11, 2002
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Here's my resume:


Dezign
Dezign's addy/phone #/e-mail

EDUCATION

Smith College - Northampton, MA, May 2002
Bachelor of Arts in Psychology with education/technology concentration
Cumulative GPA 3.67/4.0, Dean?s List

University of Michigan - Ann Arbor, MI, 1998-2000
Liberal arts curriculum with business concentration, GPA 3.63/4.0

WORK EXPERIENCE

Major Motion Picture Studio, Legal Assistant - Santa Monica, CA, 2002-present
Provide administrative support to executives, create and update correspondence and reports.
Schedule, prepare and execute license agreements, coordinate with labs for material preparation and delivery.
Prepare art materials for marketing and advertising purposes, created MGM Clip+Still Marketing PowerPoint.
Work closely with client base daily via phone/e-mail correspondence, successfully secured several $40,000+ deals.

Educational Technology Services, Web and Graphics Center Consultant - Northampton, MA, 2001-2002
Provided assistance to users in web design, desktop publishing, image editing, use of WAG Center hardware.
Produced advertisements and marketing materials placed around campus, increased student attendance by 20%.
Handled invoicing of hardware and software, ordered materials as needed, troubleshot hard/software problems.

Smith College, Instructor: Web and Graphic Design - Northampton, MA, Spring 2001
Taught class of 20 students about web and graphic design utilizing web publishing and graphic design software during an intensive week-long, ten-hour course.

USIntertech, Inc., Sales & Marketing Coordinator - Plano, TX, Summer 2000-2001
Planned and managed advertising/promotional activities for ASP products and software, recruited twelve clients.
Maintained e-mail log and online database of orders, handled phones, performed administrative tasks and support.

University of Michigan, Creation Station Webmaster - Ann Arbor, MI, 1999-2000
Designed and maintained graphics and web pages for five university facilities and organizations.
Marketed e-mail log and online database of orders, handled phones, performed administrative tasks and support.

Microsoft, Web Consultant - Rochester Hills, MI, 1996-1998
Supported and assisted in effective use of instructional technology among staff and students.
Evaluated developmental software, HTML editors, DreamWorks graphics software, and presentation packages.

General Motors Corp., Webmaster - Warren, MI, Summer 1996
Assisted in creating and collaborating on the overhaul of the company?s intranet website.
Responsible for the construction and maintenance of over two hundred individual webpages.

COMPUTER SKILLS

Platforms: Windows NT/XP/2000/98/95, Macintosh
Tools: Microsoft Office (Word, Excel, PowerPoint and Access), FrontPage 98/00/02, Adobe Photoshop 4.0/5.0/6.0, Macromedia DreamWeaver 4, FileMaker Pro 3.0

ADDITIONAL EXPERIENCE AND INTERESTS

Arthur Vining Davis Grant Recipient, 2001-2002 - Worked directly with Teacher Technique and Curriculum Development, a collaborative secondary education teacher training and curriculum enhancement project.
European Leadership Development Seminar USA Representative, EUROLDS, February 2000
Information Systems Team Member and Consultant, AIESEC MI, 1998-2000 - Encouraged corporate social responsibility through service learning and campus-wide presentations, increased cultural understanding through the organization and planning of events on campus and abroad, assisted in developing and maintaining ARC, a global database utilized by over 50,000 members in 83 countries worldwide.
Possess working/intermediate knowledge of Cantonese Chinese and Spanish.
Enjoys skiing, drawing, reading, traveling, investing, tutoring, playing board games, designing personal wardrobe.
 

nater

Diamond Member
Jun 18, 2001
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There are a few things (mainly personal style conflicts) that I would change. Then again, I don't feel like sitting here and editing anything. I think it sounds good and I didn't notice any glaring problems. You have a wealth of job experience, as well as a rather diverse educational background.
 

imported_Tomato

Diamond Member
Sep 11, 2002
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Originally posted by: nater
There are a few things (mainly personal style conflicts) that I would change. Then again, I don't feel like sitting here and editing anything. I think it sounds good and I didn't notice any glaring problems. You have a wealth of job experience, as well as a rather diverse educational background.

No glaring problems are good... thanks for reading it through, nater. Is there one piece of advice you could give me on how I could make it better?
 

y00ycdz

Golden Member
Jan 5, 2001
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sorry should have said in this sentence

....and written skills enable me to effectively communication information to others.....

communication should be communicate?
 

glaHHg

Member
Jan 18, 2001
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"My excellent verbal and written skills enable me to effectively communication information to others."

haha
 

imported_Tomato

Diamond Member
Sep 11, 2002
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Originally posted by: glaHHg
"My excellent verbal and written skills enable me to effectively communication information to others."

haha

y00ycdz kindly corrected my error.. I typed the cover letter a little too quickly. :p
 

imported_Tomato

Diamond Member
Sep 11, 2002
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Originally posted by: y00ycdz
convenient should be convenience, woot y00y strikes again !

Fixed. You da MAN. Or... woman. Heh. I'm assuming man, because of your icon, but... whichever it is, you rock. Thanks again. :D
 

y00ycdz

Golden Member
Jan 5, 2001
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ahhh reading your cover/resume is making ME late for work, haha... good stuff, time for work though. buh bye.
 

weezergirl

Diamond Member
May 24, 2000
3,366
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Originally posted by: werk
I would nix the "Flave" and b-boy references out of professionalism.

yeah i would just use "breakdancer" instead of bboy aka breakdancer.

i don't really notice any glaring mistakes either but it is a turnoff on your resume that most of your jobs are only a year or 2 long. job hop much? :)
 

imported_Tomato

Diamond Member
Sep 11, 2002
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Originally posted by: werk
I would nix the "Flave" and b-boy references out of professionalism.

I don't want them to think I know the president of the company personally, though. I wouldn't want to come across as "hi, I'm friends with your boss, hire me!", you know? My ex/the bboy is on a much closer, more personal basis with the owner of the company, as he's sponsored by them and spends time with them, etc. But if you think it would be better to skimp on the details of how I know whoever, I'll go ahead and do that. Thank you for your input.
 

imported_Tomato

Diamond Member
Sep 11, 2002
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Originally posted by: weezergirl
Originally posted by: werk
I would nix the "Flave" and b-boy references out of professionalism.

yeah i would just use "breakdancer" instead of bboy aka breakdancer.

i don't really notice any glaring mistakes either but it is a turnoff on your resume that most of your jobs are only a year or 2 long. job hop much? :)

Umm... almost all the jobs were summer internships.

What I'm doing now is my first "real job."

:p
 

imported_Tomato

Diamond Member
Sep 11, 2002
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Originally posted by: Hammer
i like it. if you speak any languages, put that on there.

Ahhh, good one. Thank you. :)

The only thing is... I can understand Cantonese and Spanish, and speak both at an elementary level. I wouldn't want to be put on the spot and have to work with a Chinese/Spanish company/customer though, you know? I figured if I can't do it right (100%), I shouldn't mention it at all.

What do you think? Should I still include it?
 

loup garou

Lifer
Feb 17, 2000
35,132
1
81
Originally posted by: Dezign
Originally posted by: werk
I would nix the "Flave" and b-boy references out of professionalism.

I don't want them to think I know the president of the company personally, though. I wouldn't want to come across as "hi, I'm friends with your boss, hire me!", you know? My ex/the bboy is on a much closer, more personal basis with the owner of the company, as he's sponsored by them and spends time with them, etc. But if you think it would be better to skimp on the details of how I know whoever, I'll go ahead and do that. Thank you for your input.
Oh, I didn't mean to cut it out completely, more like edit it like this:

"Mr. X works closely with my associate Frankie Nunez, an accomplished dancer."
 

neovan

Diamond Member
Mar 8, 2001
4,676
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i'm not sure if i would put "breakdancer" maybe just "dancer"

I have gained many new skills from my current job that would make me a good candidate for a marketing position in your company -> Having gained many new skills from my current job, I would make a good candidate for a marketing position in your company. (too passive?)

dealing with clients on a regular basis

and maybe getting rid of "at your convenience" (i don't think you need that, makes you sound like a subordinate)
 

Hammer

Lifer
Oct 19, 2001
13,217
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81
Originally posted by: Dezign
Originally posted by: Hammer
i like it. if you speak any languages, put that on there.

Ahhh, good one. Thank you. :)

The only thing is... I can understand Cantonese and Spanish, and speak both at an elementary level. I wouldn't want to be put on the spot and have to work with a Chinese/Spanish company/customer though, you know? I figured if I can't do it right (100%), I shouldn't mention it at all.

What do you think? Should I still include it?

don't say you're fluent obviously, say you have a "working knowledge" of them. but yeah, include them.

 

imported_Tomato

Diamond Member
Sep 11, 2002
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Originally posted by: werk
Originally posted by: Dezign
Originally posted by: werk
I would nix the "Flave" and b-boy references out of professionalism.

I don't want them to think I know the president of the company personally, though. I wouldn't want to come across as "hi, I'm friends with your boss, hire me!", you know? My ex/the bboy is on a much closer, more personal basis with the owner of the company, as he's sponsored by them and spends time with them, etc. But if you think it would be better to skimp on the details of how I know whoever, I'll go ahead and do that. Thank you for your input.
Oh, I didn't mean to cut it out completely, more like edit it like this:

"Mr. X works closely with my associate Frankie Nunez, an accomplished dancer."

Heh... you and neovan think alike, apparently. :) I'll go ahead and make the change, thank you again...
 

Platypus

Lifer
Apr 26, 2001
31,053
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Also don't say currently learning flash, mention you have a basic understanding of Flash and/or the ActionScript language.
 

imported_Tomato

Diamond Member
Sep 11, 2002
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Originally posted by: neovan
i'm not sure if i would put "breakdancer" maybe just "dancer"

I have gained many new skills from my current job that would make me a good candidate for a marketing position in your company -> Having gained many new skills from my current job, I would make a good candidate for a marketing position in your company. (too passive?)

dealing with clients on a regular basis

and maybe getting rid of "at your convenience" (i don't think you need that, makes you sound like a subordinate)

Great tips, will edit as soon as I finish thanking you... *sends e-props to neovan* :D
 

imported_Tomato

Diamond Member
Sep 11, 2002
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Originally posted by: CorporateRecreation
Also don't say currently learning flash, mention you have a basic understanding of Flash and/or the ActionScript language.

Got it, editing... muchas gracias...