For those of you who live with your S/Os

[Alphathree33]

I'm not suggesting "hiding" "bad" things, but just generally... what if you want to work on something to surprise her? (e.g. learn a new skill, build something)

Or just generally, how do you deal with sharing more or less your whole life with someone all the time?

 

[cherrytwist]

We've been together nearly 10 years. She's broken my spirit too much to question such things

 

[BKLounger]

kiss privacy good bye

 

[Kyle]

I don't really have to "deal" with it- I prefer it. I enjoy sleeping next to her, eating w/ her etc etc and all the surprise things I would either plan while I am at work or when she is. And there def. are times when I am alone, but I tend to prefer the times that I'm not alone.
However I did live in the 1bdrm by myself for a while and that def. had it's perks

 

[Zysoclaplem]

If you cannot do it in the bathroom while she thinks you are taking a crap, you are out of luck.

 

[tw1164]

You need to find a hobby that she hates, the do that alot. She'll let you alone while you're doing it.

 

[Exterous]

We both work retail so our work lives don't always overlap - which helps

I also like to encourage her to go out with her friends

 

[spherrod]

Originally posted by: cherrytwist
We've been together nearly 10 years. She's broken my spirit too much to question such things

but seriously, we work at different times so there is always some time when one of us has some time to themselves

 

[MichaelD]

You have to learn to ignore the fact that she's whining, hanging over your shoulder and saying "are you finished yet", "is the game over" or just coming over "just to say "hi!" every 2 minutes.

I'm having to relearn this with my fiancee; I used to be able to do it w/no problem...then I got completely disgusted by living with a woman and didn't do it for about 8 years. Now I'm back for more abuse.

Here's an example; we decide that we don't want to watch a movie...she'll read or whatever and I'll do whatever:

7:30PM - She says she will read her book. I say I will play a videogame.
7:40PM - She comes over to the desk "just to give me a kiss"
7:42PM - She starts asking questions about the weekend, shopping, whatever
7:52PM - She asks "Did you beat the Oblivion guy yet?"
7:53PM - She asks if I'm done yet
7:54PM - I slam the mouse down in disgust, close the game and she asks why I'm pissed off.

Notice my error with the entry at 7:54PM? This is where I'm having to relearn. An experienced married/cohabitating guy would just continue to say "Right. Uh-huh. You betcha, baby! Sure thing." etc. Not actually hearing her say a damn thing.

Like I said, I'm relearning.

 

[Alphathree33]

You're great MichaelD... we've both been with a bunch of women and we're both bitter! =)

You're a bit older than me, if I remember correctly... so I feel like I have a lot to learn from you in terms of that manly bitterness that's only just beginning to develop within me.

 

[MichaelD]

Why, thanks very much. I enjoy helping others.

Just remember; it's all about the "Yes, dear." <--that shuts them up and fixes 99% of the probs.

Though we're not living together yet (her family won't allow it until we're hitched) she does spend a lot of time here.

I have reminded her hundreds of times that "See this video game thing I do? Right. This is how I relax. I do it alone, without talking to anyone and I can play this game for HOURS. (her eyes get real big) This will not change when we get married. If I have to set aside one night per week when I will glue my ass to this chair and NOT BE INTERRUPTED (notice I didn't say "bothered?") we will do that. Got it? (nods her head furiously).

I'm sure she will try to crack the whip; all women do. But I will remain strong. For I am man and only need to kiss her ass once or twice a week so i can get some.

 

[Kntx]

Originally posted by: Alphathree33
I'm not suggesting "hiding" "bad" things, but just generally... what if you want to work on something to surprise her? (e.g. learn a new skill, build something)

Or just generally, how do you deal with sharing more or less your whole life with someone all the time?

Here's my visa; go buy yourself something pretty.

 

[Specop 007]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
You have to learn to ignore the fact that she's whining, hanging over your shoulder and saying "are you finished yet", "is the game over" or just coming over "just to say "hi!" every 2 minutes.

I'm having to relearn this with my fiancee; I used to be able to do it w/no problem...then I got completely disgusted by living with a woman and didn't do it for about 8 years. Now I'm back for more abuse.

Here's an example; we decide that we don't want to watch a movie...she'll read or whatever and I'll do whatever:

7:30PM - She says she will read her book. I say I will play a videogame.
7:40PM - She comes over to the desk "just to give me a kiss"
7:42PM - She starts asking questions about the weekend, shopping, whatever
7:52PM - She asks "Did you beat the Oblivion guy yet?"
7:53PM - She asks if I'm done yet
7:54PM - I slam the mouse down in disgust, close the game and she asks why I'm pissed off.

Notice my error with the entry at 7:54PM? This is where I'm having to relearn. An experienced married/cohabitating guy would just continue to say "Right. Uh-huh. You betcha, baby! Sure thing." etc. Not actually hearing her say a damn thing.

Like I said, I'm relearning.

No no, you DO have to pay attention, because the wimmin folks are SNEAKY. My wife slips in little stuff, almost like a test.
"blah blah blah"
"uh huh. Awesome. Good job babe"
"You need to pay the gas bill tomorrow. I cant do it, and if we forget they will turn off the gas"
"uh huh. Awesome. No worries babe"

And the next week, thats when the trap is spring....

"Did you pay the gas bill?"
"HHUH?!"
"I TOLD YOU......"

Yeah, you gotta learn to implement a word filter. Anything involing "pay" "money" "bill" "shopping" "bought" and "buy" needs to get high priority rating.

 

[MichaelD]

Originally posted by: Specop 007

Originally posted by: MichaelD
You have to learn to ignore the fact that she's whining, hanging over your shoulder and saying "are you finished yet", "is the game over" or just coming over "just to say "hi!" every 2 minutes.

I'm having to relearn this with my fiancee; I used to be able to do it w/no problem...then I got completely disgusted by living with a woman and didn't do it for about 8 years. Now I'm back for more abuse.

Here's an example; we decide that we don't want to watch a movie...she'll read or whatever and I'll do whatever:

7:30PM - She says she will read her book. I say I will play a videogame.
7:40PM - She comes over to the desk "just to give me a kiss"
7:42PM - She starts asking questions about the weekend, shopping, whatever
7:52PM - She asks "Did you beat the Oblivion guy yet?"
7:53PM - She asks if I'm done yet
7:54PM - I slam the mouse down in disgust, close the game and she asks why I'm pissed off.

Notice my error with the entry at 7:54PM? This is where I'm having to relearn. An experienced married/cohabitating guy would just continue to say "Right. Uh-huh. You betcha, baby! Sure thing." etc. Not actually hearing her say a damn thing.

Like I said, I'm relearning.

No no, you DO have to pay attention, because the wimmin folks are SNEAKY. My wife slips in little stuff, almost like a test.
"blah blah blah"
"uh huh. Awesome. Good job babe"
"You need to pay the gas bill tomorrow. I cant do it, and if we forget they will turn off the gas"
"uh huh. Awesome. No worries babe"

And the next week, thats when the trap is spring....

"Did you pay the gas bill?"
"HHUH?!"
"I TOLD YOU......"

Yeah, you gotta learn to implement a word filter. Anything involing "pay" "money" "bill" "shopping" "bought" and "buy" needs to get high priority rating.

Hmm, good point!

/makes mental note to implement word filter during next preventive maintenance window

 

[tjaisv]

It's important to communicate your boundaries to each other as far as your personal lives are concerned. You both need time alone from time to time, and so you should both plan out beforehand (whenever possible) when that will be. Understand that living with your S/O is a continual give and take, and so you would both be wise to practice learning to accomodate each other and being able to lovingly sacrifice some of your own freedoms when the need arises.

 

[YOyoYOhowsDAjello]

New skills? Ha

I get alone time at night when she goes to bed early or when she's at work and I'm sitting at home.

I normally use both opportunities to catch up on some valuable AT time... which is basically what I do when she's here too

 

[ElFenix]

a deadbolt on a door that she doesn't have a key to. that is your private area. it is where you can keep your video games, your pool table, your liquor, your dart board, your old recliner, that mounted deer head, and your collection of thai ladyboy porn, knowing that it is safe and sound from her prying eyes.

unless she goes to a locksmith.

 

[Specop 007]

Originally posted by: MichaelD

Hmm, good point!

/makes mental note to implement word filter during next preventive maintenance window

Yeah, she got me good last week when her and some friends out went to lunch to the tune of 100+ on my account.
Deep in the middle of Sunken Temple she slips it in all sneaky like.
"I spent 100 bucks for lunch and had to sue your account"
"Cool babe, hope you had a good time"

Few days later

"OH NOES I'M TEH BROKE!"
"I told you we went out for lunch!"
"......."

 

[slsmnaz]

Thanks for this thread. My g/f has her own place but spend almost every night at my house. Having lived by myself for the last few years it's been a huge adjustment and I'm glad I'm not alone. Now if she'll just learn to cook...

 

[Uppsala9496]

My wife and I work at the same company and drive in together....
I never see her at the office though. I make a point of avoiding her side of the floor.

 

[Exterous]

Originally posted by: MichaelD
You have to learn to ignore the fact that she's whining, hanging over your shoulder and saying "are you finished yet", "is the game over" or just coming over "just to say "hi!" every 2 minutes.

I'm having to relearn this with my fiancee; I used to be able to do it w/no problem...then I got completely disgusted by living with a woman and didn't do it for about 8 years. Now I'm back for more abuse.

Here's an example; we decide that we don't want to watch a movie...she'll read or whatever and I'll do whatever:

7:30PM - She says she will read her book. I say I will play a videogame.
7:40PM - She comes over to the desk "just to give me a kiss"
7:42PM - She starts asking questions about the weekend, shopping, whatever
7:52PM - She asks "Did you beat the Oblivion guy yet?"
7:53PM - She asks if I'm done yet
7:54PM - I slam the mouse down in disgust, close the game and she asks why I'm pissed off.

Notice my error with the entry at 7:54PM? This is where I'm having to relearn. An experienced married/cohabitating guy would just continue to say "Right. Uh-huh. You betcha, baby! Sure thing." etc. Not actually hearing her say a damn thing.

Like I said, I'm relearning.

I just ignore her or say "I'll be done in a bit." I can usually get another 25-35min through stalling. Then I have 4 stages of anger to work through depending on how much longer I want to play/how mad I want her to get.
Level 1: +15min - Mild annoyance - minimal makeup effort
Level 2: +20min - Strong annoyance - mild makeup and we watch one of her tv shows
Level 3: +10-35min - Anger - I make her dinner or we watch several of her tv shows + additional cuddle time
Level 4: +25min - Serious pissed wife - accept that she will be pissed at me for the rest of the day no matter what I do
(warning: prolonged repetition to Lvl 4 could result in the "You love your game more than you love me." fight. Do NOT progress past Lvl 4 if you value your relationship)
This is where I stand with my 6 yr relationship

 

[tjaisv]

For many couples in your shoes, it makes sense to live together. Financially it's a good thing as you'll be combining incomes more. Also you'll be together more. And you'll learn more about her. You may even get engaged/married. So at this point, honestly in my opinion, it's a good choice. But yeah, just recognize some of those benefits of being single you may be sacrificing.

 

[Parrotheader]

Once you've been together awhile you don't sweat it. You'll both be less clingy and each want their own space at times. So when one person steals away to play a game or read a book the other will start taking advantage to do their own thing as well. It doesn't mean anything bad about your relationship, it just means you still have your own individual interests as well.

Differing schedules/sleep needs makes a big difference too. My wife goes to bed by 10:00 at the latest most nights (usually a bit earlier.) I usually go to bed around 1:00. That's at least 3 hours of my own time every night. Plus we have a 3-story house with the bedrooms on the top floor and 'my room' (office/gym/home theater) in the basement. I can blast a movie or play games as loud as I want and not disturb her or our little girl.

 

[DieselUV]

if i want to surprise her, i just work on something somewhere else

 

[MotionMan]

I just realized that I have never lived alone:

1. Parents' house (with two siblings);
2. Dorm roommates;
3. Apartment with college buddies;
4. Apartment with law school buddies;
5. House with now-wife, now-sister-in-law (wife's twin ) and now-brother-in-law;
6. Co-habitate with wife (and then kids).

I hope at least my coffin will be a single.


Once the kids go to sleep, she usually gets on the phone and watches TV in the family room. I can then retire to my computer and TV to get some serious work done on ATOT.

(BTW, there is no way for me to keep things from her (or her from me - except that I don't pay attention).)

MotionMan