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For the ATOTers here in a long term relationship - How do you keep the relationship fresh and interesting..

Qianglong

Qianglong

Senior member
So for you guys who are in a long-term relationship, how do you add new spice and life to it after a while. Because it seems after being together for a few months, the novelty wears off and things become more routine, be it making love, seeing each other or calling each other.

We still enjoy spending time with each other but it just seems that after a few month, it is different than when we just got together.

Don't get me wrong, it is not that we fight or argue often, we still love each other but i just want to find ways to make things more exciting.

So what is your guy's recipe for everlasting relationship?
 
ermmm.... being in love with your significant other?

If you're getting bored after a few months, a trip to the carnival isn't going to fix the problem.
 
Have a big fight/breakup and then/if you guys get back together, you remember all the feelings that brought you together in the first place. Repeat as needed.

Otherwise, it just takes work. As my coworker said to me during my recent YAGT, the whole reason for the relationship is to spend time with hte other person, and that time you spend together should be enjoyed by both sides. So, do what it takes. Otherwise, maybe this relationship isn't for you.
 
i was in a relationship for about 7 years that never really got dull. then again it was from i was 15-22, so we each went through our various changes making for some interesting moments. (sex never got boring)

i'm now in a 1 year relationship i can't ever say that things are dull or routine. even things that might be considered routine (going to the supermarket) are still so much fun. there's always something to talk or joke about! my SO is really and amazing person and so dynamic! and let me not start with the sex....still great, and getting better, woohoo!

it sounds like you're with the wrong person.


=|
 
Originally posted by: Pastore
Threesome.
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:laugh:

The same stuff we did before usually. There is a transition period while you both realize that you're relationship is changing. For my wife and myself personally (We've been together almost 5 years total - 1 year of marrage) we hang out with friends, take trips. Occasionally we can't find anything new or interesting to do so we pout about it, sit on the couch and watch TV. Oh well. Most of the time though we can still find new jokes or talk about new things. It does take work to not get into a routine though
 
the point is that yopu WANT to be w/the other person.

if your with him/her and start thinking this boring, or 'oh not this again' then its time to find some1 else
 
We have been together for 6 and a half years now (living together for 5 years) married for about a year and a half.

The lovey-dovey stage does go away but that leads to a level of comfort and contentment that I would never trade in.

To be honest, i still get "butterflies" when i see his car pull in our driveway every evening.
However, what we do is plan things together that we have never done. For example, we plan vacations together. In that planning, we learn a lot about each other and are doing something important together. When we take the vacation, we are experiencing something with each other that we can then look back on and get those "feelings" of newness and excitement.

Also, for some simple day to day things: I will find his favorite energy drink and surproise him with it. or he will take me on a suprise date to my favorite place to eat or to the zoo.

I have said it before... the little things matter to keep the sizzle!
 
Originally posted by: LolaWiz
We have been together for 6 and a half years now (living together for 5 years) married for about a year and a half.

The lovey-dovey stage does go away but that leads to a level of comfort and contentment that I would never trade in.

To be honest, i still get "butterflies" when i see his car pull in our driveway every evening.
However, what we do is plan things together that we have never done. For example, we plan vacations together. In that planning, we learn a lot about each other and are doing something important together. When we take the vacation, we are experiencing something with each other that we can then look back on and get those "feelings" of newness and excitement.

Also, for some simple day to day things: I will find his favorite energy drink and surproise him with it. or he will take me on a suprise date to my favorite place to eat or to the zoo.

I have said it before... the little things matter to keep the sizzle!
Click to expand...

yup, basically. OP, but only a few months? That is a very short time to get bored.

You are just going to have to be more proactive about planning things together. Most people aren't spontaneous and still stable. Some people are (my coworker's husband is a really spontaneous, romantic guy. she is constantly being swept off her feet with things he does), but most people need to be very deliberate about doing things outisde the norm. Plan events within your area you have never done before. You will find there are a lot of free (or low cost) things to do (if money is an issue) in big cities. Just look around.
 
sex on the beach and in different locations, and experiement.

Go on dates you haven't been on. Work out and play sports together.

If you aren't turning her on and getting her off, that's your issue.
 
I dont know about everyone here but I been married going on 7 years this december and I dont have to do anything to keep us from being bored. Finding the right person and enjoying what happens daily withiout interferance or making it happen, is happy enough for my wife and I. We never had to do "anything" to keep us happy with each other and it has been like that from day one. If you have to do stuff to keep you two happy and excited with each other then what you have is a false love for one another and will fall apart once the "spark" is gone. Its either there from the start and your happy with each other without having to change a thing or its not ment to be.

IMO but I have watched my older brother get married 3 times and change his apperance and the way he acts for each girl. I always told myself to be true to who I am and if a girl like me for me then it was ment to be. I never changed for my wife and never expected my wife to change her ways. She lets me watch porn, look at other women and even tell her something like "damn look at the size of them XXXX", drink beer, go to strip clubs if I want, go at anythime to see my friends, and act and say whats on my mind at the time. We have also been through some of the worst money problems anyone can be put through (on the verge of homelessness) and has stuck by my side through it all and in every decision I have made. We have fought and yelled at each other (maybe 2-3 time a year) and few hours after kiss and make up. If your in a relationship and feel anything that I have mentioned would put you in the dog house, or gotten you a divorce over then your not in a true love relationship. I will be married to my wife till the day I die for there is nothing that hasnt been told or said or changed to make either of us want to leave one another, I feel in love for who and what she is and she did the same with me. And the only thing that would kill our marrage would be if one of us would cheat and that is never about to happen because I love my wife dearly to do anything like that. I may look, stare, and point at other women, but its her I will always come home to and makes my life complete and worth living especially now with what has happened to me phisyicaly and she is still by my side.
 
Qianglong, and i say this to everybody, the key to keeping a relationship fresh is never letting the ROMANCE die. Always think of different things to do for your woman that show her how much she means to you, whether it's things like bringing her fresh flowers and special unique gifts, writing her love poems, cooking her romantic candle-light dinners, taking bubble baths together, cuddling/petting in bed, or just hugging her when she least expects it and gazing into her eyes to tell her you LOVE her. Be creative, be romantic, and always do it truly from the heart.

To keep the friendship aspect fresh, try to find new activities that you would enjoy doing together. Remember that variety is the spice of life and there's a whole world of things that u can do together as companions, if only u both open your minds and be willing to try.

Hope this helps.

TJ

 
Originally posted by: funboy42
I dont know about everyone here but I been married going on 7 years this december and I dont have to do anything to keep us from being bored. Finding the right person and enjoying whats happens daily withiout interferance or making it happen, is happy enough for my wife and I. We never had to do "anything" to keep us happy with each other and it has been like that from day one. If you have to do stuff to keep you two happy and excited with each other then what you have is a false love for one another and will fall apart once the "spark" is gone. Its either there from the start and your happy with each other without having to change a thing or its not ment to be.

IMO but I have watched my older brother get married 3 times and change his apperance and the way he acts for each girl. I always told myself to be true to who I am and if a girl like me for me then it was ment to be. I never changed for my wife and never expected my wife to change her ways. She lets me watch porn, look at other women and even tell her something like "damn look at the size of them XXXX", drink beer, go to strip clubs if I want, go at anythime to see my friends, and act and say whats on my mind at the time. We have also been through some of the worst money problems anyone can be put through (on the verge of homelessness) and has stuck by my side through it all and in every decision I have made. We have fought and yelled at each other (maybe 2-3 time a year) and few hours after kiss and make up. If you in a relationship and feel anything that I have mentioned would put you in the dog house, or gotten you a divorce over then your not in a true love relationship. I will be married to my wife till the day I die for the is nothing that hasnt been told or said or changed to make either of us want to leave one another. And the only thing that would kill our marrage would be if one of us would cheat and that is never about to happen because I love my wife dearly to do anything like that. I may look, stare, and point, but its her I will always come home to.
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I liked reading this... :thumbsup:

 
Originally posted by: funboy42
I dont know about everyone here but I been married going on 7 years this december and I dont have to do anything to keep us from being bored. Finding the right person and enjoying whats happens daily withiout interferance or making it happen, is happy enough for my wife and I. We never had to do "anything" to keep us happy with each other and it has been like that from day one. If you have to do stuff to keep you two happy and excited with each other then what you have is a false love for one another and will fall apart once the "spark" is gone. Its either there from the start and your happy with each other without having to change a thing or its not ment to be.

IMO but I have watched my older brother get married 3 times and change his apperance and the way he acts for each girl. I always told myself to be true to who I am and if a girl like me for me then it was ment to be. I never changed for my wife and never expected my wife to change her ways. She lets me watch porn, look at other women and even tell her something like "damn look at the size of them XXXX", drink beer, go to strip clubs if I want, go at anythime to see my friends, and act and say whats on my mind at the time. We have also been through some of the worst money problems anyone can be put through (on the verge of homelessness) and has stuck by my side through it all and in every decision I have made. We have fought and yelled at each other (maybe 2-3 time a year) and few hours after kiss and make up. If your in a relationship and feel anything that I have mentioned would put you in the dog house, or gotten you a divorce over then your not in a true love relationship. I will be married to my wife till the day I die for there is nothing that hasnt been told or said or changed to make either of us want to leave one another, I feel in love for who and what she is and she did the same with me. And the only thing that would kill our marrage would be if one of us would cheat and that is never about to happen because I love my wife dearly to do anything like that. I may look, stare, and point at other women, but its her I will always come home to and makes my life complete and worth living especially now with what has happened to me phisyicaly and she is still by my side.
Click to expand...


thanks for your detailed response to my relationship thread. Me and my GF are fine, it is not that we have to constantly find new things to do to keep us excited. I am happy when and brighten up whenever I see her. It is just the initial feeling when I was courting her is gone..u know the uncertaintly whether she will accept you or not haha..

I guess all guys are the same. Sometimes at school or on the street, i see a hot girl, i can't help myself to look at her for a few second. But in the end, i tell myself, I have my great gf and must be faithful to her
 
Originally posted by: LolaWiz
We have been together for 6 and a half years now (living together for 5 years) married for about a year and a half.

The lovey-dovey stage does go away but that leads to a level of comfort and contentment that I would never trade in.

To be honest, i still get "butterflies" when i see his car pull in our driveway every evening.
However, what we do is plan things together that we have never done. For example, we plan vacations together. In that planning, we learn a lot about each other and are doing something important together. When we take the vacation, we are experiencing something with each other that we can then look back on and get those "feelings" of newness and excitement.

Also, for some simple day to day things: I will find his favorite energy drink and surproise him with it. or he will take me on a suprise date to my favorite place to eat or to the zoo.

I have said it before... the little things matter to keep the sizzle!
Click to expand...

Absolutely, it's those little things that count.



 
Originally posted by: Qianglong
Originally posted by: funboy42
I dont know about everyone here but I been married going on 7 years this december and I dont have to do anything to keep us from being bored. Finding the right person and enjoying whats happens daily withiout interferance or making it happen, is happy enough for my wife and I. We never had to do "anything" to keep us happy with each other and it has been like that from day one. If you have to do stuff to keep you two happy and excited with each other then what you have is a false love for one another and will fall apart once the "spark" is gone. Its either there from the start and your happy with each other without having to change a thing or its not ment to be.

IMO but I have watched my older brother get married 3 times and change his apperance and the way he acts for each girl. I always told myself to be true to who I am and if a girl like me for me then it was ment to be. I never changed for my wife and never expected my wife to change her ways. She lets me watch porn, look at other women and even tell her something like "damn look at the size of them XXXX", drink beer, go to strip clubs if I want, go at anythime to see my friends, and act and say whats on my mind at the time. We have also been through some of the worst money problems anyone can be put through (on the verge of homelessness) and has stuck by my side through it all and in every decision I have made. We have fought and yelled at each other (maybe 2-3 time a year) and few hours after kiss and make up. If your in a relationship and feel anything that I have mentioned would put you in the dog house, or gotten you a divorce over then your not in a true love relationship. I will be married to my wife till the day I die for there is nothing that hasnt been told or said or changed to make either of us want to leave one another, I feel in love for who and what she is and she did the same with me. And the only thing that would kill our marrage would be if one of us would cheat and that is never about to happen because I love my wife dearly to do anything like that. I may look, stare, and point at other women, but its her I will always come home to and makes my life complete and worth living especially now with what has happened to me phisyicaly and she is still by my side.
Click to expand...


thanks for your detailed response to my relationship thread. Me and my GF are fine, it is not that we have to constantly find new things to do to keep us excited. I am happy when and brighten up whenever I see her. It is just the initial feeling when I was courting her is gone..u know the uncertaintly whether she will accept you or not haha..

I guess all guys are the same. Sometimes at school or on the street, i see a hot girl, i can't help myself to look at her for a few second. But in the end, i tell myself, I have my great gf and must be faithful to her
Click to expand...

Your welcome for the response for you asked and it is how I feel. BUT.
Honestly you shouldnt have to tell yourself you have a great girlfriend and must be faithful. Should look, get horney, and go find your girlfriend without any feeling wanting to screw the girl that put you in the mood and being unfaithful. If you have to run that through your head then your true love for your girlfriend isnt there, IMO.
 
All relationships change after the 1-2 year point. Your body simply does not automatically make that spark feeling (endorphins stop being produced). So you do not automatically feel the same that you did in the first year or two. Now, you have to work for it. But that work is well worth the rewards.

In the first 1-2 years, people do things that they normally wouldn't do. It just comes natural and they do it because they are so excited about the new relationship. It is these little things that your SO fell in love with. Now you aren't doing them for her, and she isn't doing them for you. It isn't automatic anymore, you aren't so excited anymore. Now you are left with a good relationship, but without all those little things you fell in love with.

So go out there and do what used to come automatically. Send those little gifts, hold hands, kiss in public, complement each other, provide gifts of service, say you love her, etc. Do all the little things and soon she'll respond with all the little things that you loved before but have since lost.

My post is the whole premise of this series of books. Its a good (and fast) read. Everything it says is true in my experience and the relationship experience of everyone I know personally.
 
yes, i've been with my gf for 5.5 years. I don't get bored with her, but at times we do just sit around and say "what should we do?" I don't think I am ever bored with her though. I'm happy enough to just be around her. As long as she's not one of those "you hae to be around me every minute that you are free" type of girls, ya know what i mean?
 
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