Foolproof Candidate Selector Quiz
In this divided time, we are faced with the polarized nature of our country and the seemingly endless struggle between progressive Liberals and reactionary Conservatives.
However, the overwhelming number of people in the US consider themselves �moderate,� which either means they are centrist in their policies, or afraid that if they admit to being liberal the Right will burn down their homes.
For those of you confused on which position to take this coming November in the Presidential elections, the following test will help determine which candidate is closest to your own personal ideology, or lack thereof.
Complete the test and score it as you go along.
1. Do you like kittens (+10) or sledgehammers (-10)?
2. Do you prefer quiet walks on the beach (+10) or wearin' a sheet and scarin' dem colored folk (-10)?
3. What kind of movies do you like the most: (choose one)
-- Comedies (+3)
-- Action/adventure films (-5)
-- Foreign intellectual films (+5)
-- Snuff films (-50)
4. Do you think homosexuals deserve equal rights (+10) or a good beating with a sharp stick (-10)?
5. In the debate between evolution and creationism, do you think it is important to give both issues equal merit (-10) or treat creationism like the backwards, prehistoric superstition it is (+10)?
6. C'mon, admit it: you like watching girls kiss. (Choose one)
-- What people do in the privacy of their homes is none of my business (+10)
-- Yes, I do (+1)
-- No, it's gross (-3)
-- I'd rather burn the witches (-10)
7. Tim Russert is (choose one):
-- A conservative (+10)
-- A liberal (-10)
-- A handpuppet (+20)
8. War is: (choose one)
-- Never a viable choice for civilized nations (+10)
-- The means by which nations defend themselves (+5)
-- The means by which we promote democracy (-5)
-- Fun for the whole family (-50)
9. In the 2000 Presidential Election I voted for (choose one)
-- Gore (+10)
-- Bush (-10)
-- Buchanan (-50)
-- Scalia (-100)
10. If Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh got in a food fight, who would lose? (Choose one)
-- Hannity (-10)
-- Limbaugh (-10)
-- The corn on the cob (+10)
RESULTS: If you scored less than 0, then Bush is your man. If you scored more than 0, then Kerry is your man. If you scored an even 0, then what the hell, vote for Sharpton; nobody can figure out whose side he's on anyway.
ALl in good fun......
In this divided time, we are faced with the polarized nature of our country and the seemingly endless struggle between progressive Liberals and reactionary Conservatives.
However, the overwhelming number of people in the US consider themselves �moderate,� which either means they are centrist in their policies, or afraid that if they admit to being liberal the Right will burn down their homes.
For those of you confused on which position to take this coming November in the Presidential elections, the following test will help determine which candidate is closest to your own personal ideology, or lack thereof.
Complete the test and score it as you go along.
1. Do you like kittens (+10) or sledgehammers (-10)?
2. Do you prefer quiet walks on the beach (+10) or wearin' a sheet and scarin' dem colored folk (-10)?
3. What kind of movies do you like the most: (choose one)
-- Comedies (+3)
-- Action/adventure films (-5)
-- Foreign intellectual films (+5)
-- Snuff films (-50)
4. Do you think homosexuals deserve equal rights (+10) or a good beating with a sharp stick (-10)?
5. In the debate between evolution and creationism, do you think it is important to give both issues equal merit (-10) or treat creationism like the backwards, prehistoric superstition it is (+10)?
6. C'mon, admit it: you like watching girls kiss. (Choose one)
-- What people do in the privacy of their homes is none of my business (+10)
-- Yes, I do (+1)
-- No, it's gross (-3)
-- I'd rather burn the witches (-10)
7. Tim Russert is (choose one):
-- A conservative (+10)
-- A liberal (-10)
-- A handpuppet (+20)
8. War is: (choose one)
-- Never a viable choice for civilized nations (+10)
-- The means by which nations defend themselves (+5)
-- The means by which we promote democracy (-5)
-- Fun for the whole family (-50)
9. In the 2000 Presidential Election I voted for (choose one)
-- Gore (+10)
-- Bush (-10)
-- Buchanan (-50)
-- Scalia (-100)
10. If Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh got in a food fight, who would lose? (Choose one)
-- Hannity (-10)
-- Limbaugh (-10)
-- The corn on the cob (+10)
RESULTS: If you scored less than 0, then Bush is your man. If you scored more than 0, then Kerry is your man. If you scored an even 0, then what the hell, vote for Sharpton; nobody can figure out whose side he's on anyway.
ALl in good fun......
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