Floating: It's NOT Sex!

[Perknose]

Sure, there's penetration of the vagina with your penis, but Mormons want you to know it's not sex!

Apparently, hormonally drenched undergrads at BYU invented it. At least this is what Larry Wilmore said on his comedy special Race, Religion & Sex that I just watched.

Here's some cursory GoogleFu on it:

rather than investing their time in the illicit enterprise us normal people call sex, mormons have different ways of stimulating their genitals. The first style they have adapted is called floating. Rather than actually engaging in back and fourth penetration, a mormon male will leave his penis in a mormon female's vagina and just let it float there for an extended period of time. This is a very popular ritual practiced by millions of happy mormon couples everywhere. Ussually during this extreme act of closeness, the male and the female will talk about mundane things and scriptures they have read about in their place of worship. Its great bonding experience and doesnt effect their chances of getting into heaven.

Another popular thing mormon partners do is have anal sex. Rather than lose her virginity and be forced to burn in hell with all the black, indian and other non mormon people, the female mormon will let the mormon male put his penis in her poop hole. This act is seen as more socially acceptable even though its still technically sex and far less enjoyable for the female. By not engaging in sex by either having ( anal sex) or floating the mormon females and males of the world guarantee their place in heaven.

that means all the rest of you that have pre marital sex and dont choose to participate in the relegiously acceptable acts of floating or anal sex will be forced to burn in hell for eternity.


special disclaimer

the mormon church requires a large fee to participate. Its a great deal!

well hope to see you in church guys!

hurray!

So, no worries, virgins! If Romney becomes President, he won't fuck us, he'll just stick it in and never, ever move.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

TMI

 

[waggy]

lol whoa.

 

[MayorOfAmerica]

Jesus Christ

 

[MontyAC]

Seems Mormons are kinda strange.

 

[Rastus]

I am Mormon and have spent most of my life in Utah and have never heard any of that crap. But, I guess if a random commedian said it on Comedy Central, then it must be true.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

I am Mormon and have spent most of my life in Utah and have never heard any of that crap. But, I guess if a random commedian said it on Comedy Central, then it must be true.

You've just got to learn to 'float' above it.

 

[Anubis]

apparently ive dated a few women who didnt know they were Mormons.

 

[edro]

I hear they go to Vegas for the weekend... get married... bang it out... get annulled... then go back to Salt Lake.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

apparently ive dated a few women who didnt know they were Mormons.

The 'dead fish' defense. Plausible deniability.

 

[The Boston Dangler]

lol whoa.

2 little words, or 1 word and kind of a word, says it all

 

[drum]

Perk, what made you decide, "I HAVE to post this phenomenon!"
NO.

 

[slayer202]

I am Mormon and have spent most of my life in Utah and have never heard any of that crap. But, I guess if a random commedian said it on Comedy Central, then it must be true.

I'm surprised people wouldn't talk openly about it

sounds pretty crazy to me, but so does magic underwear

 

[CRXican]

finally, I'll last more than 30 seconds

 

[Perknose]

Perk, what made you decide, "I HAVE to post this phenomenon!"

The humor? The sheer wackiness? The underlying point that the more your religion tries to curb natural human impulses, the weirder and more hypocritical things will get?

NO.

YES. :biggrin:

 

[HamburgerBoy]

I'm surprised people wouldn't talk openly about it

Yep. I've never met an atheist that admitted to raping kittens, and those guys don't even have someone to punish them for eternity for lying. Mormons sure as hell can't be trusted.

 

[jhu]

I hear they eat babies.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

I hear they eat babies.

It's called sinking. They put the babies in their mouths but never chew, so that the babies just naturally slide down their evil serpentine esophagi.

 

[SsupernovaE]

One thing about Mormon girls: they're always horny.

 

[radhak]

I am Mormon and have spent most of my life in Utah and have never heard any of that crap. But, I guess if a random commedian said it on Comedy Central, then it must be true.

I commend you on your response in a measured tone to that inflammatory piece - have-mike-will-speak at its worst.

 

[herm0016]

wow. l&R? I really hope most of the people here can wade through all the BS. And no source even? how about that.

 

[JEDIYoda]

wow. l&R? I really hope most of the people here can wade through all the BS. And no source even? how about that.

The source is Mormon and wanted to remain anon,,,,

 

[manimal]

So they play just the tip!

 

[Perknose]

I am Mormon and have spent most of my life in Utah and have never heard any of that crap.

Maybe you haven't been on the BYU campus lately, or maybe you have and just weren't considered "float worthy?"

When your religion tries to impose "no sex before marriage" in the midst of the general 21st Century American culture, then really weird pressure leaks are bound to spring up . . . like anal sex being considered not sex, or that practice of some young Mormons going to Vegas, getting married, fucking for three days, and then getting a quick annulment as another poster pointed out.

Look what happened to the Catholic Church denying regular sex to their priests in this society. Hypocrisy and ugliness, that's what.

I'm not trying to pick on Mormons, but this practice exists, and it is the unfortunate but almost inevitable result of trying to prevent sex before marriage.

The bigger the front, the bigger the back.

I commend you on your response in a measured tone to that inflammatory piece - have-mike-will-speak at its worst.

The truth is not inherently inflammatory, it's just the truth.

I really hope most of the people here can wade through all the BS. And no source even? how about that.

The truth is not BS, it's just the truth.

Will you accept a message board full of Mormon BYU students and grads as a source? "Wade" through this, then:

http://cougarguard.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11747

 

[BoomerD]

Sure, there's penetration of the vagina with your penis, but Mormons want you to know it's not sex!

Apparently, hormonally drenched undergrads at BYU invented it. At least this is what Larry Wilmore said on his comedy special Race, Religion & Sex that I just watched.

Here's some cursory GoogleFu on it:



So, no worries, virgins! If Romney becomes President, he won't fuck us, he'll just stick it in and never, ever move.

Or he'll just bend us over and fuck us in the ass...(I suspect that's more likely)