The only way to abolish piracy would be to outlaw all recording equipment, multimedia creation hardware and software, all programming tools including compilers, debuggers and so on, all open-source software, and all Turing-complete computers.
The only way to acquire any of these tools would be to acquire a government permit, at a yearly fee of hundreds of thousands of dollars, which only multinational corporations would be able to afford.
The only equipment available to customers would be physically secured tamperproof set-top boxes that would explode upon tampering. These boxes would authenticate content using encryption, and would not play any content that has not been digitally signed by the content-cartels. Disabling the authentication mechanism would be punishable by the death penalty.
To take things a step further, mathematics would be banned from schools (because it might lead to an interest in programming, debugging, reverse engineering and cryptanalysis) as well as art, theater, and music (because students might get ideas about producing their own art to challenge content-cartel-produced crap) as well as civics (students might realize that their constitutional rights are being attacked, and antitrust laws are being broken) until the course load is pruned down to such subjects as "Respecting Intellectual Property" "Why Copy-Protected Books Are Good for the Economy" "Sharing is Evil" and other gems.
