First poem I ever wrote.

[RedArmy]

Ballad of Life

It has been called an encore, but of a different kind
One that involves everyone, their fates intertwined

The first was melancholy, setting the story in an illustrious way
Telling of misfortune and missed opportunities in our earlier day
Enchanting those who could hear its woeful refrain
Making sure to do its job, to temporarily entertain

As the second entered, a sweeping hush was heard
For regret is the one least preferred
Yet, for all the fear seen in the people?s eyes
It was their past memories that were the most despised

Death was the last to enter, the finale to the act
Coming before the audience to fulfill his binding contract
And all those who had heard grew the fatal affinity
To the world?s best known symphony

And don?t mind the ones now filing into the first row
They?re just arriving early for the next show


Yeah, I know it's short but I didn't wanna take it too far on my first attempt. I'm doing this mainly for my summer gen ed course I'm taking (Creative Writing). If you actually read it, I appreciate it!

 

[DarkThinker]

As if It sounds like you were talking about group sex in the first two lines!
Don't know why, that's the first impression I got from it...on the other hand, I might be in need for some sleep though 😀

 

[Whoozyerdaddy]

Man card... hand it over.

 

[Toonces]

Nice work.
I'm not a huge fan of rhyming couplets, but I can appreciate the creativity and effort you put into this.

Once comment: I feel like there are a little too many extraneous adjectives throwing off the meter of the poem. Concise, accurate words are what make good poems into great ones. For instance, the first stanza could be rewritten to:

called an encore
of a different kind
encompassing all
fates intertwined

But poetry is so personal it doesn't matter what I think 😉 there's no 'right' or 'wrong' way to go about it.

 

[Fritzo]

Roses are red
Violets are green
I think that poem
Made me rupture my spleen

 

[DivideBYZero]

I read part of your tome,
but then I felt sick,
Decided to go home,
and play with my...

 

[clamum]

I has a bucket
Oh where did it go
I'll just say fuck it
And go snort some blow

 

[Regs]

There once was a girl from china,
with a popsicle stick up here....


I don't know the first thing in critiquing a poem or any piece of "Art".

But....It seems not daring enough. You're telling a story word for word but with rhyms. You need to be more symbolic and less formal. Be more playful.