Fifteen Commandments

[Paladin3]

We all remember the classic joke in Mel Brooks' History of the World Part I about there actually being 15 Commandments:

I got to wondering what those lost five commandments might have been. Then I was watching an episode of COPS when I saw a gentlemen who could have used this:

"Thou shall capitalize the name of God if thou get it tattooed upon thy face"

Any other suggestions for what those lost five commandment may have been?

 

[sandorski]

Tattoos are forbidden.

 

[John Connor]

God only knows and he's not telling.

 

[NTMBK]

Thou Shalt Not Use Your Phone In A Cinema, I Mean Come On, Seriously, I'm Trying To Watch Finding Dory Here

 

[John Connor]

Thou shall not listen to this song.

 

[John Connor]

Though I believe in a creator of some type, the one most people think of seems like an asshole.

 

[Puffnstuff]

Though I believe in a creator of some type, the one most people think of seems like an asshole.

Especially when so many churches and pastors are prospering off his name. I was driving down the interstate the other day and got cut off at my exit ramp but when I got up the red light the guy had a "yoga for Christ" window sign on his car. Exactly how do you accomplish this yoga for Christ? Do you lay hands upon your victim first? I see so many businesses with a fish symbol on their ads it makes me want to puke.

 

[John Connor]

Yep! And then you have these so-called church goers that faithfully go to church every Sunday, yet they go home and sin like a mother fer. It's like Catholics. "I shall sin and then go to confession and all will be okay." Well, I don't think it works like that. The Bible in its self sounds like it was written by a bunch of drunken Arabs. But at least the gospels make more sense.

 

[Puffnstuff]

Hey last time I was at church they were focused on God's streets of gold and riches. These church actors dress up special for Sunday putting on their church actor demeanor but once they leave its back to their usual selves. Two faced bastards make me want to puke. I'm the same guy all day every day and I prefer blue jean shorts with a button up shirt and sandals Expensive clothes don't make you a better person and their faux Christianity is just so over the top. These are the very same characters spoken of in Matthew 25:1-13 and are lamps with no oil in them. I don't have any false piety and will speak my mind to you in plain language all day long plus I will curse right along with you while I refuse to play the church game.

 

[Stopsignhank]

Thou-shalt-not-drive-in-the-fast-lane-if-there-are-cars-behind-you-that-want-to-drive-faster-than-you-and-there-are-no-cars-in-front-of-you!

 

[Majes]

Hey last time I was at church they were focused on God's streets of gold and riches. These church actors dress up special for Sunday putting on their church actor demeanor but once they leave its back to their usual selves. Two faced bastards make me want to puke. I'm the same guy all day every day and I prefer blue jean shorts with a button up shirt and sandals Expensive clothes don't make you a better person and their faux Christianity is just so over the top. These are the very same characters spoken of in Matthew 25:1-13 and are lamps with no oil in them. I don't have any false piety and will speak my mind to you in plain language all day long plus I will curse right along with you while I refuse to play the church game.

I can understand calling some Christians two-faced or hypocrites. But not because they dress up for church on Sunday...