Feeling guilty/childish for being miserable and depressed

[JM Aggie08]

Anyone else feel that they don't deserve to feel 'down' due to their circumstances?

By that I mean that throughout this awful year, I still have a job, my health, my wife/kid -- far better off than a lot of folks right now. However, I hate what I do for work, and it seriously has an impact on my emotions and demeanor. I think some of that coupled with not having seen my family since January and having lost my parents within the last 3 years is driving me to just feel super down and hopeless. And I feel guilty because of that. I could be unemployed, I could be ill -- but I'm not, and yet I still feel super down and hopeless most of the time due to what some would.

I don't really know what I'm looking to get from this post. Maybe just venting to strangers.

 

[Zeze]

You take care of yourself right now.

Mental health is a serious thing. Your mind operates your thoughts and body movements.

Feeling miserable is not a childish / juvenile thing.

I had a miserable job just few years ago. Holy hell, I was in a serious rut.

Don't compare misery. What you're feeling is valid and will only get worse if you don't address it.

1. Get a better job, start putting yourself out there on LinkedIn, start talking to recruiters, etc.
2. Go exercise. Convid doesn't mean you can't go for a jog in your neighborhood.
3. It's okay to miss your folks. Perhaps take the week off.

 

[deadlyapp]

Yep - what Zeze said. Your feelings should not be compared to others.

 

[Captante]

I don't really know what I'm looking to get from this post. Maybe just venting to strangers

Strangers ?!? We're more like a bunch of retarded 2ed cousins no ?!?







Seriously though I feel pretty much the same way.

Without going into too many details while my situation is maybe a bit worse than yours at the moment compared to the vast majority of humans we're both very fortunate. (not that it helps much)

As mentioned don't waste time worrying about other folks and what they think about your feelings. The single most important factor in being happy IMO is peace of mind.

Go exercise

This entire post is very good advice ... but start here!

Sounds too simple but makes a major difference in mood for me.

 

[nakedfrog]

Don't compare misery. What you're feeling is valid and will only get worse if you don't address it.

Yes, just because "other people have it worse" doesn't mean you aren't allowed to be unhappy. Your life is happening to you, and it will affect and impact you. Therapy and/or support groups can be very helpful as well.

 

[thestrangebrew1]

You're allowed to feel the way you do regardless of your situation vs. others. It's a shitty time and I'm pretty sure like 90% of the population is feeling the same as you anyways. The important thing is to take care of yourself and your family, not just physically by providing for them, but also making sure that their mental health is being addressed also. I'll admit I need to do a better job of this myself.

 

[Red Squirrel]

That's what depression is, even if you don't have anything to actually be depressed about, it will still strike. I went through it before and it sucks. You just feel sad for no reason, but then sad thoughts keep coming up so it amplifies it. Like thoughts about people that have passed away, or even thinking about people that will pass away in your future, or the idea of being alone because everyone you know is dead, and you just find yourself in a dark place in your thoughts.

Some people also get seasonal depression at this time of year. I got it in spring myself a few years ago but for me it's spring that gets me. This year I somehow managed to beat it despite covid. Try to get lot of vitamin D and as much daylight as you can, which is hard at this time of year since it's dark practically all the time.

 

[Platypus]

some really nice replies in here already!

Take care of yourself @JM Aggie08, don't ever feel guilty or the need to compare your situation. What you're feeling is totally valid and you should find ways to address it now rather than later when it will fester and become much worse.

 

[Zeze]

Remember you need to love yourself and take care of yourself in order to love & take care of your family.

Man I had different kinds of depression... the terrible dread and feeling of being useless.... and I had a completely different one where it was just a gradually apathy. The second one is just as dangerous.

 

[DigDog]

You take care of yourself right now.

i'm not trying to troll anyone, i'm a very recent redux of a massive panic attack that proper messed me up, and i feel i have to do my part in breaking up this bullshit myth of "take care of yourself". Such a thing is just not possible.

Please don't chew me out for not having a degree in psychiatry, i can only speak from experience. The only way that the "care" in self-care is going to happen, is if you entirely break with the world that i causing you the trouble. Mental Health is like allergies, when you develop the symptoms is because you've been exposed to the cause for TOO LONG. You can't just walk it off, and even "hey, why don't you try INSERT ONE DAY TEMPORARY SOLUTION HERE" bullshit like forest walking, mountain climbing, will not change it.
It's in the head. You carry it with you. You can go off for some time, but when the time comes that you need to go back to that same reality, you will be back to square one in the blink of an eye.

What really does help, is if the world around you changes. Good advice does nothing. Helpful suggestions do nothing. People calling you on the phone does nothing.

Sure, you may be the one guy whose problems stem from ONE element in their life, and if that one changes, you will go back to feeling normal, but that's not common. What more commonly happens is that one tiny element that you cannot defeat, builds up into a series of elements which eventually define your life, and breaking with all of them is near impossible.

We have to face the reality that people are not perfect machines and critical failure is a very realistic prospect for many. In English, that means "you won't win, you will die from it".

i have no other option to make this about me because it's the only experience i can speak from.

i had massive, 2-day long muscle spasms, i still feel quivering in my muscles, my brain hurts, i cannot feel my body, i have a crippled sense of direction and of balance. All these are psychosomatic symptoms, caused by stress. This stress comes form me being literally in a reality that is not my own and that i have no control over. I cannot go out, i cannot join a gym, i know nobody outside of the internet, i am doing a job that i hate, for a wage that will never result in indipendence, my health is deteriorating faster than i can keep up, and i cannot unsee that .. well lets leave the graphic details out. I'm also not doing anything i have actually trained for, literally as if the first 30 years of my life were someone else's.

You cannot walk it off. You cannot go for a swim. There is a path .. a mathaphorical, but very real path that each one of us walks, and while there are obstacles, it is VITAL that we keep on it. If you walk off of it, you may never, you will likely never, find it again.

menatl health is literally NOT the thing that everyone that says "mental health is very serious" thinks it is.

 

[Mr.IncrediblyBored]

Comparing your life to others worse off than you is a good way to overlook your own declining circumstance.

It's something I've noticed in my own life. It is hard to break bad habits and get out the relative rut.

 

[BoomerD]

Life is too short to work in a job you hate. It takes a tremendous toll on your mental health...which can severely i pact all other aspects of your life. Get out now.

 

[JM Aggie08]

Appreciate the kind words/advice, ya'll. I have a fairly extensive gym setup at the house, but have been fighting through the gloominess to be motivated enough to use it lol. I'll have all of next week off -- hopefully unplugging and just focusing on myself will be a good start -- I haven't really take any vacation days this year -- it frankly felt pointless to do so.

 

[Captante]

Please don't chew me out for not having a degree in psychiatry, i can only speak from experience

I would say something positive but apparently it would be a waste of time?

For what its worth (not much?) I'm really sorry you are in such tough shape.




Be advised that with this sort of thing what you are able to do to help yourself is up to you only.

So if you decide that you are incapable of doing anything positive to help yourself well .... that's what happens.

Nothing positive.

 

[Platypus]

Appreciate the kind words/advice, ya'll. I have a fairly extensive gym setup at the house, but have been fighting through the gloominess to be motivated enough to use it lol. I'll have all of next week off -- hopefully unplugging and just focusing on myself will be a good start -- I haven't really take any vacation days this year -- it frankly felt pointless to do so.

I thought the same for a long time during quarantine and trust me, taking those days is totally worth it even if you don't have anywhere to go. Just disconnecting from that routine and using that time for yourself is immensely useful even if it feels pointless.

 

[nakedfrog]

Appreciate the kind words/advice, ya'll. I have a fairly extensive gym setup at the house, but have been fighting through the gloominess to be motivated enough to use it lol. I'll have all of next week off -- hopefully unplugging and just focusing on myself will be a good start -- I haven't really take any vacation days this year -- it frankly felt pointless to do so.

I can identify, I play guitar, I enjoy playing guitar, and doing so makes me feel good. I know all these things. But when I've hit rough patches, I can look at it, and know that I will literally feel better after I play because I've experienced it so often, but sometimes it was still hard to get myself to just pick it up and play--literally walk over to the guitar stand and pick it up. Just like... "I don't feel like it. Fuck everything :shrug:" It's a tough spot to be in.

 

[Red Squirrel]

Life is too short to work in a job you hate. It takes a tremendous toll on your mental health...which can severely i pact all other aspects of your life. Get out now.

For sure, this is why I got out of healthcare IT. It was more "prestigious" than what I'm doing now, but I don't care about corporate ladder status, I just care about being happy and making enough to pay the bills. That IT job was hell mostly because of the IT manager. He was a complete sociopathatic asshole. Funny thing is I make a bit more money at this job anyway, because of the shift differentials. I also get way more time off because of the shifts. Everybody told me it was a bad idea to get out of that job but in the end it worked out and it's probably the best life decision I ever made.

 

[Zeze]

Appreciate the kind words/advice, ya'll. I have a fairly extensive gym setup at the house, but have been fighting through the gloominess to be motivated enough to use it lol. I'll have all of next week off -- hopefully unplugging and just focusing on myself will be a good start -- I haven't really take any vacation days this year -- it frankly felt pointless to do so.

It helps a lot mentally to just turn the damn laptop off and dont' even open it.

If you can work out at your home, great. For me, a huge part of exercising is the change of scene - when you go for a nice outdoor run.. fresh crisp air, sun in your face, seeing trees, etc... it really elevates you tremendously.-

 

[Red Squirrel]

I find walks help a lot too, I've always been reluctant to go in winter as I figured the trails would have too much snow, but they get lot of use and skidoos go through and pack them down as well so they are perfectly walkable in winter. The scenery in winter is super nice too.

 

[pmv]

Oh, I have exactly this 'issue'. Went for a walk while feeling full of gloom and hopelessness, with a soupcon of self-pity. Started listening to podcasts as a distraction, and the first one that came on was the story of a Holocaust survivor. Even my ipod tries to shame me.

 

[pmv]

I find walks help a lot too, I've always been reluctant to go in winter as I figured the trails would have too much snow, but they get lot of use and skidoos go through and pack them down as well so they are perfectly walkable in winter. The scenery in winter is super nice too.

I so wish I had 'trails' I could go walk on! Wandering through this city in the dark is really not the same (would I prefer to have to worry about bears rather than muggers, though?).

Though it never ceases to surprise me how one can get lost in this city, no matter how many decades one has lived here. You North Americans with your logical grid-layouts don't know what you are missing.

 

[Red Squirrel]

I so wish I had 'trails' I could go walk on! Wandering through this city in the dark is really not the same (would I prefer to have to worry about bears rather than muggers, though?).

Though it never ceases to surprise me how one can get lost in this city, no matter how many decades one has lived here. You North Americans with your logical grid-layouts don't know what you are missing.

Yeah sometimes it's something I take for granted. I can pretty much walk out of my house and walk a couple blocks and be in the trails. Or at night, just being able to see the stars is nice. Sometimes northern lights. Here the crime is getting bad so I do avoid going out alone at night now, but I've been with a friend and my area is actually really quiet. The crazies seem to stick to downtown and the drug house areas. Sometimes see bears come in to town too but honestly I feel we need more of those, they keep the thieves away. Been seeing lot of foxes too.