It all started many months ago. I run ICQ all day at work, and had it on that day. Suddenly a girl asked to add her to my contact list. Don't know why, we started chatting every day for like half an hour and learned a great deal of each other. I lied on many subjects though. Then one day it became apparent she had an active boyfriend (WTF??) of more than 3 years and liked just to talk to me. OK I said, I didn't think we could be friends any more b/c I personally didn't believe in friendship between men and women. So I cut our connection and deleted her from my conctact list.
Wait, I have to tell about the digital photo she sent me. It was a small picture about the size of 9 by 11 inches when viewed on the screen. She was shot on it with her girlfriend in the sun in the open at about 18 like she told me. So that was summer of year 2000. That way I knew that she was 22. I have to add she looked so good there in the sun, so young, so beautiful. I deleted the photo too so that nothing would remind me of her.
Two months passed. I told her my cell phone number once, and when I already completely forgot about her, one day I got an SMS. We never talked or met in person, for clarification. Since then our relationship if you can call it so was reestablished. I was so lonely I couldn't care less if she had a boyfriend really so I buried my ambitions and started having regular long time chat sessions with her while at work. What struck me strange, she would occasionaly suspect me of not wanting to talk to her like she really cared. She also used to send me SMSs like 'have a nice weekend' or something and I replied with just a smile emoticon or the like.
This evening she offered to send a more up to date pic of her. When I looked at it, I can't say I didn't like her present day look, of course she doesn't look like a young girl any longer, more like a woman. I think I could like her in her present day form, but that's not the point.
I put the two pictured together and suddenly burst in tears (good thing it happened after I left work, was pretty difficult to hold). I cried for more than two hours when I got home. Damn, I don't know what to do. Looking at her early pic I remembered the time when I also was so young and felt so good, when the world seemed to be filled with mystery and I had all the time I needed. Damn, that time is gone forever and I don't like what's happening to me now. Instead of perspectives I imagined I am now a very ordinary and lonely person, working all day for a very average salary. My life sucks, the stars went down and disappeared, I will never be a teen again and every day I have less and less time left before I die. I fear becoming really old and dying with every cell of my body. Basically I'm all lost. Think the only thing that could save me is finding something clever to do, like making money on my own and not depending on some a-hole employer but I'm not all that smart coz I still can't find my way into that arena.
Wait, I have to tell about the digital photo she sent me. It was a small picture about the size of 9 by 11 inches when viewed on the screen. She was shot on it with her girlfriend in the sun in the open at about 18 like she told me. So that was summer of year 2000. That way I knew that she was 22. I have to add she looked so good there in the sun, so young, so beautiful. I deleted the photo too so that nothing would remind me of her.
Two months passed. I told her my cell phone number once, and when I already completely forgot about her, one day I got an SMS. We never talked or met in person, for clarification. Since then our relationship if you can call it so was reestablished. I was so lonely I couldn't care less if she had a boyfriend really so I buried my ambitions and started having regular long time chat sessions with her while at work. What struck me strange, she would occasionaly suspect me of not wanting to talk to her like she really cared. She also used to send me SMSs like 'have a nice weekend' or something and I replied with just a smile emoticon or the like.
This evening she offered to send a more up to date pic of her. When I looked at it, I can't say I didn't like her present day look, of course she doesn't look like a young girl any longer, more like a woman. I think I could like her in her present day form, but that's not the point.
I put the two pictured together and suddenly burst in tears (good thing it happened after I left work, was pretty difficult to hold). I cried for more than two hours when I got home. Damn, I don't know what to do. Looking at her early pic I remembered the time when I also was so young and felt so good, when the world seemed to be filled with mystery and I had all the time I needed. Damn, that time is gone forever and I don't like what's happening to me now. Instead of perspectives I imagined I am now a very ordinary and lonely person, working all day for a very average salary. My life sucks, the stars went down and disappeared, I will never be a teen again and every day I have less and less time left before I die. I fear becoming really old and dying with every cell of my body. Basically I'm all lost. Think the only thing that could save me is finding something clever to do, like making money on my own and not depending on some a-hole employer but I'm not all that smart coz I still can't find my way into that arena.
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