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Feel the need to visit someone? Do it now

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Dedpuhl

Lifer
Long story?.People that want cliffs notes can leave now.


A couple years ago, I moved from my hometown to Baton Rouge (150 miles away) for my post-college job. I left behind a bunch of friends. One in particular was probably my best friend Becky. We were very good friends since 1997. Early on she told me she had cystic fibrosis. If you know anyone w/ the disease, you know how bad it can get. Throughout our friendship, she?d get really bad lung infections. She?d end up at the Methodist hospital in Houston. I?d drop everything, including school and work to visit her. I?d even stay the night in her room to keep her company. Most of the time she was healthy and we?d giggle like Beavis and Butthead and play drinking games and hang out and stuff.

Anyway, I moved from my hometown and settled in here. The last time I saw her was when I hugged her when I left. We kept in touch via e-mail, AIM, and snail mail. It seemed like we were still hanging out.

Fast forward to 3 weekends ago. For some strange reason, I felt an urge to visit her. It was a weird feeling. I made the trip home to visit her and hang out w/ all my friends I left behind. I made a mental checklist of where I need to go and who I wanted to see. For some reason, I was compelled to visit my paternal grandparent?s gravesite. I hadn?t been there for at least 10 years. I also talked to my uncle for the first time since I left. I also visited several other people. It was getting late and I had one person left that I needed to see. BUT, I decided that it was late and I could see her the next time I go back. So, I left.

Yesterday, I made a trip back to my hometown. I needed some bodywork done on my car, and I had a friend that would do it cheaply. Anyway, my first stop was my old job. I walked in and started talking. Towards the end of the conversation, my friend asks if I knew about Becky. She went on to tell me that Becky died. It felt like a bullet in the chest and the waterworks commenced. A good friend of mine and Becky?s also worked at the store. I found him and he gave me a hug and told me what happened. She died on March 25 due to complications associated with cf. She was 23.

They all tried to find me, but didn?t have my contact info. I don?t know how that?s possible since I gave them all my numbers and address.

I had no idea she was sick again. She probably thought it was routine and didn?t want to worry me. She died on March 25 and was buried on March 29. I cannot believe the last time I saw her was when I first moved. I hate myself for not seeing her every time I went back home. I am angry that I wasn?t there for her in the hospital?.that I completely missed the funeral.

I had such a strong feeling that I needed to see her, and I completely ignored it. I will never let something like this go again. If you have an unusually strong feeling that you need to see someone, then do it. Call them. Do whatever you need to do to find them. This is something I will regret for the rest of my life.

Sorry if most of that is incoherent. I just needed an outlet to vent?
 
Losing a loved one hurts. I'm sorry for your loss.
rose.gif
 
I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. But don't beat yourself up about it. You were a good friend to her for a long time, and one incident doesn't erase that. Better that you were her friend for years, than to be someone who shows up at the funeral and had never talked to her.

In fact, if for the rest of your life you always take time to see someone when you get an urge, you'll probably remember Becky every time that happens. And I'm sure she'd like that.

Don't have regrets about missing the funeral. You were there for her when she was alive.
 
I am sorry to hear that. I know what you are going through. If you don't mind me telling you my story.
My dad was sick for many years after I joined the military. I went home to see him every year or so. He got really bad and was atmitted to the hospitol one day, and I was 1500 miles away. I hopped a plane, and was there in a few hours. I stayed a few weeks, then he started getting better. I went back home for a couple months.
Later in the year I got another call. I went back again. He was much better than he was the first time. The hospitol was a 2 1/2 hour drive from my mom's house. I drove down everynight to stay with him, sleeping in a chair. I would drive back to my moms in the afternoon, take a shower and go back.
I had been doing this for a few weeks. The last night I made the drive, it was getting pretty routine, so I decided to stop off on the way, and get some snacks, and a few mags, for the long night. This was the only time I didn't feel a "rush" to get there. I enjoyed the drive in my dad's Camaro. It was a cool night, and I even had the top off. I arrived at the hospitol parking lot and found my uncle standing there waiting for me. (We are only 2 years apart, and both of us stayed with him during the night) He didn't even have to say anything. I missed saying goodbye by a few minutes. After the initial shock, I realized that my dad did not want me there. Something was keeping me from getting there in a rush. It was the weirdest feeling I have ever had. He did not want me to see him go. I hated it for awhile, but I know it was better that way.

I have heard of people hanging on a little longer if they know realitives are on the way. On the other hand, in my case, he knew when I would be there, and didn't want to put me through the actual passing. I don't know if I am explaining this very well, but I hope you get the idea.
Everything happens for a reason.
With all of the memories you have of your friend, being there for the very end is not the best memory to have. Keep the good ones in your head, and you will feel alot better remembering them. I hope this helps a little.

BTW- this was in 1999, and I smile when I think of him now, instead of how he was right before he was taken. I am happy that I don't have the final moments in my head as a visual. He is in a better place, and I will get to catch up on everything when we are together again.

I wish the same for you, friend. time will ease the pain, no matter how you feel right now.
 
Originally posted by: Carver1
I am sorry to hear that. I know what you are going through. If you don't mind me telling you my story.
My dad was sick for many years after I joined the military. I went home to see him every year or so. He got really bad and was atmitted to the hospitol one day, and I was 1500 miles away. I hopped a plane, and was there in a few hours. I stayed a few weeks, then he started getting better. I went back home for a couple months.
Later in the year I got another call. I went back again. He was much better than he was the first time. The hospitol was a 2 1/2 hour drive from my mom's house. I drove down everynight to stay with him, sleeping in a chair. I would drive back to my moms in the afternoon, take a shower and go back.
I had been doing this for a few weeks. The last night I made the drive, it was getting pretty routine, so I decided to stop off on the way, and get some snacks, and a few mags, for the long night. This was the only time I didn't feel a "rush" to get there. I enjoyed the drive in my dad's Camaro. It was a cool night, and I even had the top off. I arrived at the hospitol parking lot and found my uncle standing there waiting for me. (We are only 2 years apart, and both of us stayed with him during the night) He didn't even have to say anything. I missed saying goodbye by a few minutes. After the initial shock, I realized that my dad did not want me there. Something was keeping me from getting there in a rush. It was the weirdest feeling I have ever had. He did not want me to see him go. I hated it for awhile, but I know it was better that way.

I have heard of people hanging on a little longer if they know realitives are on the way. On the other hand, in my case, he knew when I would be there, and didn't want to put me through the actual passing. I don't know if I am explaining this very well, but I hope you get the idea.
Everything happens for a reason.
With all of the memories you have of your friend, being there for the very end is not the best memory to have. Keep the good ones in your head, and you will feel alot better remembering them. I hope this helps a little.

BTW- this was in 1999, and I smile when I think of him now, instead of how he was right before he was taken. I am happy that I don't have the final moments in my head as a visual. He is in a better place, and I will get to catch up on everything when we are together again.

I wish the same for you, friend. time will ease the pain, no matter how you feel right now.
Click to expand...

🙁 I hope so...
 
I have my own story like this... I hope it helps you share your grief

I didn't know my grandpa all that well, as he lived in India and was blind, so couldn't come to visit. This past summer, we went to visit him. He was doing great, he had just given a speech to a bunch of people about his condition, and seemed very healthy. I liked to sit in his room in the India appartment and just talk about whatever came to mind, kinda like catching up on all that lost time. We left india right near the end of august. two days after we came back, my grandma called and said that he had passed away from a heart attack in his sleep.


Even now I'm so glad I was able to visit him and really cherish the time we had. You've got plenty of memories, and it sounds like you were an amazing friend to her.
 
Sorry to hear about your loss🙁

I know what you mean. My uncle hadn't seen his father for 8 years before he died. His father became sick and he scheduled a flight, thinking he would get there in time. He never got there in time, he arrived 2 days after his dad died.


 
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