Wotcha to my fellow Brits, hej to the Swedes, bonjour to the French, tag to the Germans. I wanted to include other languages in this greeting but the online international thesaurus free-trial I signed up for only allows three definitions at a time. But I digress.
I feel it is time that us Brits and Euros make a stand for ourselves and show these Yanks what we are all about. There are only so many threads about guns, republicans and violent republican cops that carry guns that I can put up with before standing up in my wooden clogs and saying "alright already!" in a fake New York accent whilst straightening my beret and eating a corned beef sandwich. So, in an effort to show off how cultured Europe is here are some things that the Yanks would be jealous of if they actually bothered to get a passport and leave their suburbs.
Morris Dancers - An ancient British tradition dating back to 500BC (yes, the world existed before 1776) where a bunch of masculine men perform a deadly ritual with dangerous weapons. They might not look like much but just look at the costume - the white clothes indicates they are scientists and the bells are constructed from the teeth of sharks with frikking laser beams.
NHS Dentistry - An idea that Prime Minister Obama is currently trying to steal from us. You all seen that Simpsons episode where Lisa goes to the dentist and gets those braces with a cage over her head? EVERY SINGLE BRIT AND EURO HAS THOSE FROM BIRTH. It means if we ever went to war we would just close down all our weapon factories and headbutt the Yank soldiers to death, forcing them to retreat and blast us from space with the Hubble telescope.
IKEA - A small Swedish shop that sells high-quality bath taps. It doesn't sound like much but the taps are made out of recycled dog poo and, as us Brits are a nation of animal lovers, there is an almost infinite supply of the stuff. IKEA is raking in the money now and the mighty unelected EU bureaucratic diplomatic machine will be taxing them at a 98% rate any day now and passing the money onto the feckless Greek banks.
I feel it is time that us Brits and Euros make a stand for ourselves and show these Yanks what we are all about. There are only so many threads about guns, republicans and violent republican cops that carry guns that I can put up with before standing up in my wooden clogs and saying "alright already!" in a fake New York accent whilst straightening my beret and eating a corned beef sandwich. So, in an effort to show off how cultured Europe is here are some things that the Yanks would be jealous of if they actually bothered to get a passport and leave their suburbs.
Morris Dancers - An ancient British tradition dating back to 500BC (yes, the world existed before 1776) where a bunch of masculine men perform a deadly ritual with dangerous weapons. They might not look like much but just look at the costume - the white clothes indicates they are scientists and the bells are constructed from the teeth of sharks with frikking laser beams.
NHS Dentistry - An idea that Prime Minister Obama is currently trying to steal from us. You all seen that Simpsons episode where Lisa goes to the dentist and gets those braces with a cage over her head? EVERY SINGLE BRIT AND EURO HAS THOSE FROM BIRTH. It means if we ever went to war we would just close down all our weapon factories and headbutt the Yank soldiers to death, forcing them to retreat and blast us from space with the Hubble telescope.
IKEA - A small Swedish shop that sells high-quality bath taps. It doesn't sound like much but the taps are made out of recycled dog poo and, as us Brits are a nation of animal lovers, there is an almost infinite supply of the stuff. IKEA is raking in the money now and the mighty unelected EU bureaucratic diplomatic machine will be taxing them at a 98% rate any day now and passing the money onto the feckless Greek banks.
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