favorite Moe from the Simpsons quote

[Onceler]

if I ever get a hold of you I'm going to stick a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt.

 

[Jhill]

Uh, how do I say this without being offensive? Marge there ain't enough booze in this place to make you look good

 

[CalvinHobbes]

Right, don't eat nothin' for the next three days, 'cause I'm taking you out for a steak the size of a toilet seat!

 

[KeithTalent]

I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt..... I can't compete with that stuff.

KT

 

[Deeko]

I've been called ugly, fugly, pug-ugly, pug-fugly...but never ugly-ugly.

 

[djheater]

Originally posted by: KeithTalent
I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt..... I can't compete with that stuff.

KT

The whole Moe lie-detector scene is propbably my favorite simpsons scene ever.

Eddie: Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No! [buzz]
All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. [ding]
Eddie: Checks out. OK, sir, you're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. [buzz]
_A_ date. [buzz]
Dinner with friends. [buzz]
Dinner alone. [buzz]
Watching TV alone. [buzz]
All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the
Victoria's Secret catalog. [buzz]
[weakly] Sears catalog. [ding]
[angry] Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't
deserve this kind of shabby treatment! [buzz]

 

[anxi80]

Child: Unky Moe?
Moe: [trying hard for control] Whaaat...is it, sweetheart?
Child: My sodie is too cold. My teef hurt!
Moe: [mock sympathy] Oh, your "teef" hurt, huh? Your "teef" hurt? Well that's too freaking bad! You hear me? I'll tell you where you can put your freaking sodie too!
[everyone gasps]
[Maude covers Todd's ears]
Todd: Ow, my freaking ears!
Maude: [gasps] Oh, let's go, dear.
Ned: Well, I expect that type of language at Denny's, but not here!
Moe: Aw, come on, folks. Wait, please come back! Please, I got a new offer: whenever Uncle Moe threatens you, you get a free steak... fish.

 

[KeithTalent]

^^ agreed on the lie detector scene.

Another favourite: Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.

KT

 

[GagHalfrunt]

The lie detector scene rules.

 

[PottedMeat]

Yes, the lie detector scene is excellent.

Moe: Hey 'Apu, you got that breakfast cereal for people wit' syphillis?

 

[Fenixgoon]

NRA Meeting at the Simpson house:

"....and this is how you turn one gun into five," holding a shotgun with 4 pistols attached through weld points, all triggers tied together with string.

 

[MaxDepth]

Hmmm...either:
"Homer, lighten up! You're making Happy Hour bitterly ironic."

or

"Drinkin aint thinkin'!"

 

[Agentbolt]

Barney this is a 5 minute chip. Eh, it's worth a Pabst.

 

[videogames101]

Originally posted by: Fenixgoon
NRA Meeting at the Simpson house:

"....and this is how you turn one gun into five," holding a shotgun with 4 pistols attached through weld points, all triggers tied together with string.

easily the best

 

[mpitts]

"This is the busiest drinking day of the year.. Where are the designated drivers? Beat it! I've got no room for cheapskates."

or

Moe: How many people want Homer banned from this place for life?
Everyone: Yeah!
Homer: Aw, come on, everybody. This bar is like a tavern to me.
Moe: Sorry, Homer, you should have thought of that before you gave me the old sugar-me-do. I'm taking your caricature down from Mount Lushmore and I'm taking your favorite song out of the juke box.
Homer: "It's Raining Men"?
Moe: Yeah, not no more it ain't.

 

[Fenixgoon]

Originally posted by: mpitts
"This is the busiest drinking day of the year.. Where are the designated drivers? Beat it! I've got no room for cheapskates."

or

Moe: How many people want Homer banned from this place for life?
Everyone: Yeah!
Homer: Aw, come on, everybody. This bar is like a tavern to me.
Moe: Sorry, Homer, you should have thought of that before you gave me the old sugar-me-do. I'm taking your caricature down from Mount Lushmore and I'm taking your favorite song out of the juke box.
Homer: "It's Raining Men"?
Moe: Yeah, not no more it ain't.

also a classic

 

[Lorax]

for some reason i've always liked "what, you don't like my bags?" and then it shows him wearing brown bags for shoes

and i think there's another where he's using rope as a belt

 

[Evadman]

Originally posted by: GagHalfrunt
The lie detector scene rules.

 

[foghorn67]

Originally posted by: Evadman

Originally posted by: GagHalfrunt
The lie detector scene rules.

I don't know why I laughed so hard at this, but...
Marge takes on a position at the church as a phone-in advice lady. She is dubbed "The Listen Lady".

Phone rings, Marge picks up.
Marge: "Listen Lady".
Moe: "Well, Listen Lady."

 

[Special K]

You can't throw us out. I just made a cornish game hen with chestnut stuffing. ... Would you believe a pigeon stuffed with spam? ... Would you believe a rat filled with cough drops?

 

[Iron Woode]

3 of the best:

"Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat! "

Moe: Plastic surgery, huh? Eh, maybe they could dynamite Mount Crapmore here and carve me a new kisser.
Carl: Oh, I don't know. Plastic surgery might make you look good on the outside, but you still might feel bad in the inside.
Moe: But I'd look good on the outside, right?
Carl: Yeah, but you'd feel bad inside.
Moe: Plastic surgery it is!

Homer Simpson: You used to be a boxer just like me?
Moe Szyslak: Yup. They called me Kid Gorgeous. Later on, it was Kid Presentable. Then Kid Gruesome. And finally, Kid Moe.
Moe Szyslak: Are you man enough to test every one of your limits?
Homer Simpson: Yes!
Moe Szyslak: And are you man enough to throw a punch should the opportunity arise?
Homer Simpson: Yes!
Moe Szyslak: And are you man enough to give me a sixty percent cut?
Homer Simpson: Yes!
Moe Szyslak: I'll take it.
Homer Simpson: Whoo-hoo!

 

[KeithTalent]

Renee (Moe?s girlfriend): Really, you think I?m gorgeous?
Moe: Yeah, well the parts that are showing. I guess you could have a lot of weird scars or a fake ass or something.
Renee: You don?t talk to a lot of women do you?

KT

 

[SonicIce]

Ok this is the biggest drinking day of the year, where are the designated drivers? ... Beat it! I got no room for cheapskates.

 

[mpitts]

Originally posted by: Evadman

Originally posted by: GagHalfrunt
The lie detector scene rules.

Another of my favorites..

Cop: Alright sir, you're free to go.
Moe: Can we hurry this up, I have a hot date tonight!
BZZZZZ!!
Moe: A date..
BZZZZZ!!
Moe: Dinner with friends..
BZZZZZ!!
Moe: Dinner alone..
BZZZZZ!!
Moe: Watching TV alone..
BZZZZZ!!
Moe: Alright! I'm gonna stay at home and oogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalogue..
BZZZZZ!!
Moe: Sears catalogue..
DING!
Moe: Now would you unhook this thing already, I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!
BZZZZZ!!

 

[dethman]

the funk-dancing for self defense scene. gotta find that again somewhere.