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Father died - brother unresponsive

Juddog

Juddog

Diamond Member
Recently my father passed away. He lived with my brother, and was legally separated from my mother.

After he passed away my brother will not respond to phone calls or e-mail, after speaking with him the day that my father died. How do I get to my father's stuff if my brother is unwilling to let me into the house or talk to me? I want to see what bills he had remaining, and since I have the death certificates I need to see if they need to be mailed out for any places where he owes money etc..

I know that he owed a nursing home $20,000 or thereabouts. My mother and I took care of the funeral home affairs and the burial but my brother never bothered to show up at all and seems to have cut off all communication with my family. I want to use my father's little remaining estate funds to pay for the cremation costs which I paid for out of pocket, but without access to his mail and records, I have no way to do so. My father never planned anything out, so he left no will, no lawyer, and no instructions to anybody on what to do once he passed away.

I'm extremely confused with the whole thing, does anybody know the New York state laws in this instance on what I can do? Is there any way I can force my brother to let me in to the house they were renting so that I can do what needs to be done? My brother has no job and was relying upon my father for rental payments on their house (my dad didn't own a house, car, or property of any sort - all he had literally was clothes and the house he was renting).
 
His estate would go to probate since there is no will. Your brother could make a claim and eat up any funds your fathers estate may have had, or more then it had. So may not be worth the fight if he does not let you in and/or tell you what is going on.
 
Originally posted by: Barack Obama
Sorry to hear what happened 🙁, is your brother in a state of shock?

Really sorry to hear man 🙁
Click to expand...

I don't know if he's in shock or if he's just being rude. He simply won't answer phone calls from me or my mother.

My father didn't leave any estate value behind; no house, no car, no 401k, no retirement savings. He has some life insurance and that's about it, so I'm debating whether it's worth hiring a lawyer or not, since my dad's estate has nothing (and he died owing the nursing home $20,000 - this is the main thing I want to try and protect my mom from). My dad never thought ahead more than a week, he lived paycheck to paycheck and any extra money he had leftover from groceries and rent he wasted on booze or partying.

Mostly I am trying to protect my mom from any creditors and see if he had enough left over to cover the cost of a funeral and cremation.
 
Originally posted by: Juddog
Originally posted by: Barack Obama
Sorry to hear what happened 🙁, is your brother in a state of shock?

Really sorry to hear man 🙁
Click to expand...

I don't know if he's in shock or if he's just being rude. He simply won't answer phone calls from me or my mother.

My father didn't leave any estate value behind; no house, no car, no 401k, no retirement savings. He has some life insurance and that's about it, so I'm debating whether it's worth hiring a lawyer or not, since my dad's estate has nothing (and he died owing the nursing home $20,000 - this is the main thing I want to try and protect my mom from). My dad never thought ahead more than a week, he lived paycheck to paycheck and any extra money he had leftover from groceries and rent he wasted on booze or partying.

Mostly I am trying to protect my mom from any creditors and see if he had enough left over to cover the cost of a funeral and cremation.
Click to expand...

Only your father's estate is liable, if your mother is legally separated then she's in the clear.
 
Response to title: Continue cutting your grass?

Real answer: Shitty situation. Probably should contact a lawyer to look into the estate. Really sorry to hear about your old man!
 
Originally posted by: K1052
Originally posted by: Juddog
Originally posted by: Barack Obama
Sorry to hear what happened 🙁, is your brother in a state of shock?

Really sorry to hear man 🙁
Click to expand...

I don't know if he's in shock or if he's just being rude. He simply won't answer phone calls from me or my mother.

My father didn't leave any estate value behind; no house, no car, no 401k, no retirement savings. He has some life insurance and that's about it, so I'm debating whether it's worth hiring a lawyer or not, since my dad's estate has nothing (and he died owing the nursing home $20,000 - this is the main thing I want to try and protect my mom from). My dad never thought ahead more than a week, he lived paycheck to paycheck and any extra money he had leftover from groceries and rent he wasted on booze or partying.

Mostly I am trying to protect my mom from any creditors and see if he had enough left over to cover the cost of a funeral and cremation.
Click to expand...

Only your father's estate is liable, if your mother is legally separated then she's in the clear.
Click to expand...
yeah thats what i was thinking. sorry about your father, OP, I dont even know what to say about your brother, but it's too bad hes avoiding all of you.

Originally posted by: DrawninwarD
Originally posted by: actuarial
Response to title: Continue cutting your grass?
Click to expand...

How does that fit in here?
Click to expand...

you missed a thread 😉
 
Originally posted by: K1052
Originally posted by: Juddog
Originally posted by: Barack Obama
Sorry to hear what happened 🙁, is your brother in a state of shock?

Really sorry to hear man 🙁
Click to expand...

I don't know if he's in shock or if he's just being rude. He simply won't answer phone calls from me or my mother.

My father didn't leave any estate value behind; no house, no car, no 401k, no retirement savings. He has some life insurance and that's about it, so I'm debating whether it's worth hiring a lawyer or not, since my dad's estate has nothing (and he died owing the nursing home $20,000 - this is the main thing I want to try and protect my mom from). My dad never thought ahead more than a week, he lived paycheck to paycheck and any extra money he had leftover from groceries and rent he wasted on booze or partying.

Mostly I am trying to protect my mom from any creditors and see if he had enough left over to cover the cost of a funeral and cremation.
Click to expand...

Only your father's estate is liable, if your mother is legally separated then she's in the clear.
Click to expand...


Not 100% true. Each state is different so she may still owe it since they were still legally married.
Also anything he has should go to the wife if he left no will.
 
Oh, that's terrible to hear, OP. Sounds like your father had a rough life, maybe. It was great of you to personally pay for the cremation and I hope you're able to communicate with your brother to work the money issue out.
 
Originally posted by: Marlin1975
Originally posted by: K1052
Originally posted by: Juddog
Originally posted by: Barack Obama
Sorry to hear what happened 🙁, is your brother in a state of shock?

Really sorry to hear man 🙁
Click to expand...

I don't know if he's in shock or if he's just being rude. He simply won't answer phone calls from me or my mother.

My father didn't leave any estate value behind; no house, no car, no 401k, no retirement savings. He has some life insurance and that's about it, so I'm debating whether it's worth hiring a lawyer or not, since my dad's estate has nothing (and he died owing the nursing home $20,000 - this is the main thing I want to try and protect my mom from). My dad never thought ahead more than a week, he lived paycheck to paycheck and any extra money he had leftover from groceries and rent he wasted on booze or partying.

Mostly I am trying to protect my mom from any creditors and see if he had enough left over to cover the cost of a funeral and cremation.
Click to expand...

Only your father's estate is liable, if your mother is legally separated then she's in the clear.
Click to expand...


Not 100% true. Each state is different so she may still owe it since they were still legally married.
Also anything he has should go to the wife if he left no will.
Click to expand...

Provided their finances are separate (and that sound like the case) the other party isn't generally held liable.
 
Originally posted by: Marlin1975
Originally posted by: K1052
Originally posted by: Juddog
Originally posted by: Barack Obama
Sorry to hear what happened 🙁, is your brother in a state of shock?

Really sorry to hear man 🙁
Click to expand...

I don't know if he's in shock or if he's just being rude. He simply won't answer phone calls from me or my mother.

My father didn't leave any estate value behind; no house, no car, no 401k, no retirement savings. He has some life insurance and that's about it, so I'm debating whether it's worth hiring a lawyer or not, since my dad's estate has nothing (and he died owing the nursing home $20,000 - this is the main thing I want to try and protect my mom from). My dad never thought ahead more than a week, he lived paycheck to paycheck and any extra money he had leftover from groceries and rent he wasted on booze or partying.

Mostly I am trying to protect my mom from any creditors and see if he had enough left over to cover the cost of a funeral and cremation.
Click to expand...

Only your father's estate is liable, if your mother is legally separated then she's in the clear.
Click to expand...


Not 100% true. Each state is different so she may still owe it since they were still legally married.
Also anything he has should go to the wife if he left no will.
Click to expand...

He left no will, so it's intestate. This is in New York, and there isn't a true separation per se, it's more of a "limited divorce".
 
It is hard dealing with losing a parent. My condolences to you.

My experience with other estates with large debt goes like this:
1)You pay for a lawyer.
2)He advises you to send out death certificates to the creditors.
3)He advises you to have absolutely nothing to do with anything that might be viewed as an asset, I.E. your dad's belongings, safety deposit box contents, etc. If you touch it the creditors can come after you, that is no joke. Would they? who knows, but not worth the risk.

In your case your brother is being an inconsiderate ass and has whatever a creditor would call an asset.


My advice to you is to skip the lawyer and absorb the costs of your dad's final arrangements. Once again I am sorry for your loss.
 
Originally posted by: skyking
It is hard dealing with losing a parent. My condolences to you.

My experience with other estates with large debt goes like this:
1)You pay for a lawyer.
2)He advises you to send out death certificates to the creditors.
3)He advises you to have absolutely nothing to do with anything that might be viewed as an asset, I.E. your dad's belongings, safety deposit box contents, etc. If you touch it the creditors can come after you, that is no joke. Would they? who knows, but not worth the risk.

In your case your brother is being an inconsiderate ass and has whatever a creditor would call an asset.


My advice to you is to skip the lawyer and absorb the costs of your dad's final arrangements. Once again I am sorry for your loss.
Click to expand...

Since my brother has access to his bank account and PIN, and most likely has withdrawn any money he had left in the bank, would this mean that the creditors may go after my brother?
 
it is a possibility. Since it will take time to sort it all out he might get away with it, but I do not envy his position. It is not your problem though. I'd keep that distance that your brother has created between you and any possible problems.
 
I think the big question is why isn't your brother talking to you? You know him best... What do you think?

Unless he's simply in too much pain to deal with anyone, something sounds strange about this situation.

Condolences for your loss... it's a terrible thing to have to deal with, and you've done very admirably in dealing with he arrangements.
 
Originally posted by: Liet
I think the big question is why isn't your brother talking to you? You know him best... What do you think?

Unless he's simply in too much pain to deal with anyone, something sounds strange about this situation.

Condolences for your loss... it's a terrible thing to have to deal with, and you've done very admirably in dealing with he arrangements.
Click to expand...

My brother has... mental issues I guess you could say. I would very much like to talk with him and get everything straightened out but he's shut off his phone, ignores e-mail, and tells people to F off when they try to talk with him.
 
Even if your mom isn't legally liable for your father's debt, I can aboslutely guarantee you your father's debtors *WILL* try to collect from your mother if only through letters and phone calls to guilt trip/trick her into paying.

Dave
 
Originally posted by: Apathetic
Even if your mom isn't legally liable for your father's debt, I can aboslutely guarantee you your father's debtors *WILL* try to collect from your mother if only through letters and phone calls to guilt trip/trick her into paying.

Dave
Click to expand...

That sucks... hopefully he has enough in his estate to pay them off, but I doubt it.
 
I went through a similar situation when my brother died a couple of years ago. He was deeply in debt (~$35,000) and had total cash assets of $22.07 in the bank. It took me 18 months to deal with all of the creditors including Revenue Canada and in the end the only way to get them off my back was to pay back taxes of $113 on my own (not a big deal, but I'm just glad the number was small).

Be very careful what you say to anyone if you are talking to the banks or other creditors. They will try to make you feel responsible, when it is quite likely you are not. I found a good book for how to be an executor in Canada that helped me immensely, but in your case where you can't even get access to banking information, I would be inclined to get some advice from a lawyer.
 
Originally posted by: Juddog
Originally posted by: Apathetic
Even if your mom isn't legally liable for your father's debt, I can aboslutely guarantee you your father's debtors *WILL* try to collect from your mother if only through letters and phone calls to guilt trip/trick her into paying.

Dave
Click to expand...

That sucks... hopefully he has enough in his estate to pay them off, but I doubt it.
Click to expand...

Make it totally clear to your mom that she is in no way responsible for that debt. They will try to talk her into paying in any number of ways.
 
Originally posted by: skyking
Originally posted by: Juddog
Originally posted by: Apathetic
Even if your mom isn't legally liable for your father's debt, I can aboslutely guarantee you your father's debtors *WILL* try to collect from your mother if only through letters and phone calls to guilt trip/trick her into paying.

Dave
Click to expand...

That sucks... hopefully he has enough in his estate to pay them off, but I doubt it.
Click to expand...

Make it totally clear to your mom that she is in no way responsible for that debt. They will try to talk her into paying in any number of ways.
Click to expand...

Thank you for the advice... can the creditors come after insurance money left behind, or are they limited to the estate value (e.g. bank account etc.)?
 
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