Experienced Parents: Advice For Parental Controls?

[ch33zw1z]

Never gonna happen, and blocking stuff will likely shut down parent / child communication.

Tech savvy kids need talking guidance, since it's relatively easy to circumvent whatever you're doing.

My kids are into gaming, so that's where our internet time is focused. We shut off games at 6:30pm, and electronics at 7pm.

I frame the internet as a good tool for fun things like gaming, but an electronic cesspool where you're easily not where you want to be.

 

[nakedfrog]

See, that's the thing:

1. Build a PFsense setup
2. Integrate it into your network as a firewall only or primary router
3. Setup the networking for all devices
4. Setup rules manually on a schedule
5. Etc. etc. etc.

vs. Disney's Circle: Literally just press the "pause" button on the device...from your smartphone. Sample screenshot from the Circle support site:


I don't like the bedtime feature though, because you can still stay up reading or playing video games in bed on your phone late into the night. Basket for portable device EOD collection FTW!

Yeah, I was thinking as I was reading that "this sounds great if you're down with being an IT admin at home". Just running a basic network and keeping the PCs running is enough for me, TYVM.

 

[WelshBloke]

My asus router let's me assign family groups. So I can take #1 son assign all his devices to him, then set content blocks and timetable when the devices can access the internet, and set different limits and timetables for #1 daughter and leave my and the wifes devices unlimited.

I still have a general policy of not taking laptops and phones in the bedrooms at night, kids aren't great about realising that just because they woke up at 2am for a wee it's not the best time to get stuck in a YouTube loop!

 

[highland145]

blocking stuff will likely shut down parent / child communication.

My kid didn't communicate when had his xbox. Take it away for punishment and he'd be pissy for a day or so. After that he'd hang out with us and was a much happier, less anxious child. Same for his phone. YMMV

 

[ch33zw1z]

My kid didn't communicate when had his xbox. Take it away for punishment and he'd be pissy for a day or so. After that he'd hang out with us and was a much happier, less anxious child. Same for his phone. YMMV

I see the same with both my kids. They don't have unlimited or unfettered access to electronics. What I was suggesting is that instead of being the at home internet admin, it's more like take interest(not much is needed) in what they're doing online....and just guide them. For my older son, if I blocked anything, he will certainly find a way around it.

 

[highland145]

I see the same with both my kids. They don't have unlimited or unfettered access to electronics. What I was suggesting is that instead of being the at home internet admin, it's more like take interest(not much is needed) in what they're doing online....and just guide them. For my older son, if I blocked anything, he will certainly find a way around it.

lol, yes.

Story time...So last year, the kid had prom on Friday and Saturday, one at his school and one at his dates. I'm $500 into this venture. The wife took pics on her ipad on Fri and I didn't like them so he/date were supposed to meet us Saturday for more pics. Well, guess who stood us up. The wife, who doesn't cuss, dropped the f bomb a couple of times ..."Kid, you done stepped in it now." Lost his phone/electronics for 6 weeks. So she gets him up one morning and there's a phone in the bed with him?
WTH?, Mom asks.
"Well, BFF was having problems with it and she wanted me to take a look."
So you're a cell repairman now?
"Uh......"

BAM, 2 more weeks.

Girlfriend had a working phone she wasn't using so she gave it to him. Don't underestimate hormones.

 

[Kaido]

Yeah, I was thinking as I was reading that "this sounds great if you're down with being an IT admin at home". Just running a basic network and keeping the PCs running is enough for me, TYVM.

Yeah. For a long time, I ran a super-complicated network at home. These days, I'm super lazy & run everything turn-key:

1. Netgear Orbi routers

2. Roku TV's

3. iPhones (instead of Androids)

4. Chromebooks

It's like going from owning a house with a lawn to mow, a pool to clean, etc. to living in an apartment. Soooooo much easier lol.

 

[Kaido]

Never gonna happen, and blocking stuff will likely shut down parent / child communication.

I think you have to find a balance. If you're too strict, kids often end up doing the polar opposite of what you prevent them from doing once they break free of the home tyranny. If you're too lax, then it's super easy to get into the bad habits of addiction, staying up late, wrecking your health, etc. Not many people see being consistently tired as a major health crisis, but when a kid is so tired on a Saturday that they just laze around the house all day doing nothing because they stayed up too late, then they've just had a useless day because they don't have enough energy to to anything fun or productive. Self-imposed sedentary lifestyle FTL!

 

[ch33zw1z]

I think you have to find a balance. If you're too strict, kids often end up doing the polar opposite of what you prevent them from doing once they break free of the home tyranny. If you're too lax, then it's super easy to get into the bad habits of addiction, staying up late, wrecking your health, etc. Not many people see being consistently tired as a major health crisis, but when a kid is so tired on a Saturday that they just laze around the house all day doing nothing because they stayed up too late, then they've just had a useless day because they don't have enough energy to to anything fun or productive. Self-imposed sedentary lifestyle FTL!

Yea, certainly a balance. Each child is different also. My younger son is already a night owl, but we still end video games at 6:30. He may go to sleep between 9-10pm, but it's been a few hours since the electronic stimulation ended. Older son, ready for bed at 7:30, like me lol

 

[highland145]

I think you have to find a balance. If you're too strict, kids often end up doing the polar opposite of what you prevent them from doing once they break free of the home tyranny. If you're too lax, then it's super easy to get into the bad habits of addiction, staying up late, wrecking your health, etc. Not many people see being consistently tired as a major health crisis, but when a kid is so tired on a Saturday that they just laze around the house all day doing nothing because they stayed up too late, then they've just had a useless day because they don't have enough energy to to anything fun or productive. Self-imposed sedentary lifestyle FTL!

You leave @clamum alone.

 

[local]

I think you have to find a balance. If you're too strict, kids often end up doing the polar opposite of what you prevent them from doing once they break free of the home tyranny. If you're too lax, then it's super easy to get into the bad habits of addiction, staying up late, wrecking your health, etc. Not many people see being consistently tired as a major health crisis, but when a kid is so tired on a Saturday that they just laze around the house all day doing nothing because they stayed up too late, then they've just had a useless day because they don't have enough energy to to anything fun or productive. Self-imposed sedentary lifestyle FTL!

I'm lazy because I want to be lazy, not because of any specific lack of sleep. I've been getting around 5 hours sleep for about 24 years now and you know what started it, books.

 

[Kaido]

I see the same with both my kids. They don't have unlimited or unfettered access to electronics.

Yeah, in general, I don't think having unlimited access to anything is very good for human beings, whether it's money, food, Internet, etc. I call it "not drinking from the firehose". For example, with personal finances, I purposely structure my daily financial operating system to support an artificially limited access system...I keep $20 in my wallet, $60 in my car, and use a credit card with a $1k limit, just in case there's an emergency like a flat tire or something. I don't have a spending problem, so that's not the motivation, it's just that my perspective is that if the door's not open, then it's not an available option, so you'll never fall into that trap.

 

[Kaido]

You leave @clamum alone.

/sweeps postcount under the rug

 

[Kaido]

I'm lazy because I want to be lazy, not because of any specific lack of sleep. I've been getting around 5 hours sleep for about 24 years now and you know what started it, books.

Wow! I have to get at least 7 hours or else I'm not a functional human being. 5 hours is amazing! Are you a high-energy person?

 

[vi edit]

Catching up on this. Circle was $40 one time purchase. Took 10 minutes to setup and is 10 seconds a device from my phone to admin. I do IT for a living. I don't want to tinker with it more at home if there's an easy and cost effective solution.

My oldest has a number of issues and impulse control is one of them. At the age of 5 I'd find her up at 2:00am binging on netflix in the living room. Ended up having to unplug the power from the TV (it's wall mounted and she couldn't get to it) for a couple months until she stopped trying. She also had a terrible issue of getting up in the middle of the night and raiding the kitchen pantry. One time I found an entire 6 pack of hershey's bars gone that we had bought for smores. I also found about 20 empty snack chip bags shoved in places in her bedroom. Had to put a lock on the *inside* of the pantry to shut that habit down. Then she started hiding the kindle in her room when we weren't watching and would burn through that at night. Eventually put the kindle freetime app on there to put use restrictions on her profile. She ended up resetting the stupid thing to get around it. Then she got a google login at school and was using my chromebook in the middle of the night.

Been using the circle for about 8 months and that's one of the first devices I've found that she hasn't been able to mitigate. Every kid is different and my oldest is not an easy one to raise. Off the charts ADHD and hyper creative with zero impulse control. She's a handful.

 

[nakedfrog]

I'm lazy because I want to be lazy, not because of any specific lack of sleep. I've been getting around 5 hours sleep for about 24 years now and you know what started it, books.

Heh, I can identify there, when I was a teenager and it was summer break, I spent many nights reading until 3-5AM.

Wow! I have to get at least 7 hours or else I'm not a functional human being. 5 hours is amazing! Are you a high-energy person?

I need a good seven too, I can function on less, but I'm not a very pleasant person when that happens, and the deficit has to be made up eventually.

 

[local]

Wow! I have to get at least 7 hours or else I'm not a functional human being. 5 hours is amazing! Are you a high-energy person?

I wouldn't say so but my natural state seems to be nocturnal. No matter how tired I am in the afternoon once it gets dark I'm fine and no matter how much sleep I get waking up at 6am is basically impossible.

 

[local]

Heh, I can identify there, when I was a teenager and it was summer break, I spent many nights reading until 3-5AM.

I did that on school nights. Weekends and summer was gaming time at night. Not much a parent can say though when you are reading books.

 

[sdifox]

Yeah, I was thinking as I was reading that "this sounds great if you're down with being an IT admin at home". Just running a basic network and keeping the PCs running is enough for me, TYVM.

I have 12 active VMs, including Hadoop :awe:

 

[sdifox]

Wow! I have to get at least 7 hours or else I'm not a functional human being. 5 hours is amazing! Are you a high-energy person?

I was on four hours for like a decade.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

Yeah. For a long time, I ran a super-complicated network at home. These days, I'm super lazy & run everything turn-key:

1. Netgear Orbi routers

2. Roku TV's

3. iPhones (instead of Androids)

4. Chromebooks

It's like going from owning a house with a lawn to mow, a pool to clean, etc. to living in an apartment. Soooooo much easier lol.

The moment you have kids man... The EXACT damn moment....

Had our daughter and was like.... Yeap, fuck mowing. Fuck do-it yourself projects. Fuck trying to organize my porn I mean data files. Fuck all the things you used to enjoy =/

Mostly because when you have a 0-3 year old walking around you can't leave them alone, and they will never let you leave them alone.

 

[highland145]

The moment you have kids man... The EXACT damn moment....

Had our daughter and was like.... Yeap, fuck mowing. Fuck do-it yourself projects. Fuck trying to organize my porn I mean data files. Fuck all the things you used to enjoy =/

Mostly because when you have a 0-3 year old walking around you can't leave them alone, and they will never let you leave them alone.

Give em a kid sized rake. Gone faster than the roadrunner when the hit ~5....just like the rest of my yard help.

 

[Kaido]

Mostly because when you have a 0-3 year old walking around you can't leave them alone, and they will never let you leave them alone.

Not only can you not leave them alone, but you can't leave your nice stuff within arm's reach (or climbing reach).

Have already had to replace my 4K 65"...RIP

 

[Kaido]

I need a good seven too, I can function on less, but I'm not a very pleasant person when that happens, and the deficit has to be made up eventually.

The danger for me is going into "meh" mode. Borderline apathy. You don't care that you don't care. It's like lightweight self-induced depression. It's such a fine line but has fuzzy results...like just, meh. I consider it my greatest challenge...it's so hard once the house is settled not to just chill & binge-watch a show or dive into a game or whatever for a few hours, then suddenly it's super late, and you don't get enough sleep, and you just drag the next day. For me, it was so normal for so long that I didn't even realize I was tired anymore, it was just my lifestyle. Really glad I "woke up" (har har) & saw what was going on in my life. Still not super consistent at the early bedtime, but I always try to ensure the 7 hours of sleep minimum. I work freelance now, so my schedule is a bit more flexible, which makes it easier for those late-night server calls, haha!