I have always been a cable guy. Always. Well, at least ever since that day in school when Biffo Jenkins dragged me into the toilets and wiped his own shit all over my face. I will never forget that day and how it changed my world view.
I wouldn't ever put up with that sort of bullying these days and my commitment to buying good, high quality AV cables is a testament to that. Every time I go round my parents house I dread the moment my mum says "let's watch some TV" because the cables they use are whatever cheap shite they could find in WH Smith. How can my mum watch Santa Barbara like that?. Laura Simmons Asher looks like a horrible old hag on anything less than gold-plated RGB SCART that was hand-crafted on the thighs of a virgin Amazon warrior princess.
Here are some examples of how good quality AV connections changed the world.
The marriage of Prince Charles to Lady Diana Spencer in 1981. I love Diana and have watched all of her films. That piece of shit Charles wasn't good enough for her and that slut Camilla Parker Bowles was just about his level. I nicknamed her 'Parking my Bowels' for lulz and revenge.
I found an old VHS recording of the wedding that had been transferred to laser disc a while back. VHS is pure bullshit and Betamax is like a god to me. Ever since Star Wars was released on laser disc I have loved it. Anyway, I re-recorded the sound from this laser disc copy and got it pressed onto vinyl because vinyl is the purest sound you can possibly get. Anytime some pleb starts talking to me about BluRay this and BluRay that I just wanna say "back off you a-hole and cram that candy ass blu bollocks up your arse".
So yeah, I got the sound onto a vinyl and hooked it all up using my custom-spec AV cables. Holy shitballing bastarding Christ almighty! The moment I turned it all on I was just sat there agog at the wonderous spectacle before me. Diana looked even more beautiful than I thought possible. With all the extra clarity I could see the queen talking to someone and after re-watching that section a hundred times I was able to lip-read that she was telling Prince Andrew that the corgis had shit all over the balcony.
I was so amazed by everything that I totally forgot to jerk off over Diana.
Justin Bieber at the Apollo I totally love this guy. It's all pure talent and he is a good, Christian role model for kids. Whilst they are all out drinking cider and having crap sex under the see-saw in the local park Bieber is making a cup of tea for his mum so they can sit down and watch the Santa Barbara series 5 finale whilst discussing who shot JR. Bieber knows JR was an a-hole but he doesn't ever say that sort of thing in front of his mum. Or ever say it because he is a good, Christian kid.
I rung up his record label and asked if they could send me a vinyl copy of his work. The person I spoke to was some young wise-ass who hadn't even heard of vinyl. I was so angry that I farted down the phone at him and hung up. There aint no vinyl copies available so I had to suck it up and get the CD.
To make up for having to listen to a CD I gave my cables an extra polishing. And it wasn't no candy-ass polish either but the good stuff that usually only gets used for special occasions. I also arranged some mirrors so that all the acoustic warmth gets reflected back to the source.
5 hours later and I was ready. And for the love of Pete and his hairy dragon chin was it good! Boy Bieber sounded FANTASTIC! Throughout the course of the album I got to know the little shit all over again and, no word of a lie, every time I closed my eyes it was like the little fucker was right there in the room with me! NO JOKE. Every time he sung a chorus I was right there with him, flying around his vocal chords like a flying thing. I could hear everything. The album was about 90 minutes long and I was actually able to track that 90 minutes progress he made towards puberty. I could actually hear the strain on his body that his testicles were making as they dropped half a millimetre or so.
TL;DR - buy quality cables.
I wouldn't ever put up with that sort of bullying these days and my commitment to buying good, high quality AV cables is a testament to that. Every time I go round my parents house I dread the moment my mum says "let's watch some TV" because the cables they use are whatever cheap shite they could find in WH Smith. How can my mum watch Santa Barbara like that?. Laura Simmons Asher looks like a horrible old hag on anything less than gold-plated RGB SCART that was hand-crafted on the thighs of a virgin Amazon warrior princess.
Here are some examples of how good quality AV connections changed the world.
The marriage of Prince Charles to Lady Diana Spencer in 1981. I love Diana and have watched all of her films. That piece of shit Charles wasn't good enough for her and that slut Camilla Parker Bowles was just about his level. I nicknamed her 'Parking my Bowels' for lulz and revenge.
I found an old VHS recording of the wedding that had been transferred to laser disc a while back. VHS is pure bullshit and Betamax is like a god to me. Ever since Star Wars was released on laser disc I have loved it. Anyway, I re-recorded the sound from this laser disc copy and got it pressed onto vinyl because vinyl is the purest sound you can possibly get. Anytime some pleb starts talking to me about BluRay this and BluRay that I just wanna say "back off you a-hole and cram that candy ass blu bollocks up your arse".
So yeah, I got the sound onto a vinyl and hooked it all up using my custom-spec AV cables. Holy shitballing bastarding Christ almighty! The moment I turned it all on I was just sat there agog at the wonderous spectacle before me. Diana looked even more beautiful than I thought possible. With all the extra clarity I could see the queen talking to someone and after re-watching that section a hundred times I was able to lip-read that she was telling Prince Andrew that the corgis had shit all over the balcony.
I was so amazed by everything that I totally forgot to jerk off over Diana.
Justin Bieber at the Apollo I totally love this guy. It's all pure talent and he is a good, Christian role model for kids. Whilst they are all out drinking cider and having crap sex under the see-saw in the local park Bieber is making a cup of tea for his mum so they can sit down and watch the Santa Barbara series 5 finale whilst discussing who shot JR. Bieber knows JR was an a-hole but he doesn't ever say that sort of thing in front of his mum. Or ever say it because he is a good, Christian kid.
I rung up his record label and asked if they could send me a vinyl copy of his work. The person I spoke to was some young wise-ass who hadn't even heard of vinyl. I was so angry that I farted down the phone at him and hung up. There aint no vinyl copies available so I had to suck it up and get the CD.
To make up for having to listen to a CD I gave my cables an extra polishing. And it wasn't no candy-ass polish either but the good stuff that usually only gets used for special occasions. I also arranged some mirrors so that all the acoustic warmth gets reflected back to the source.
5 hours later and I was ready. And for the love of Pete and his hairy dragon chin was it good! Boy Bieber sounded FANTASTIC! Throughout the course of the album I got to know the little shit all over again and, no word of a lie, every time I closed my eyes it was like the little fucker was right there in the room with me! NO JOKE. Every time he sung a chorus I was right there with him, flying around his vocal chords like a flying thing. I could hear everything. The album was about 90 minutes long and I was actually able to track that 90 minutes progress he made towards puberty. I could actually hear the strain on his body that his testicles were making as they dropped half a millimetre or so.
TL;DR - buy quality cables.
