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Ex-roommate still hangs out all the time

James Bond

James Bond

Diamond Member
Currently living in a house with 4 guys total, including myself.

All of us are friends, and in general, we get along great. Very rarely have issues, all respect each others property, things are good.

Two of the roommates, one being myself, moved in 2 years ago. After the first year ended, one guy moved out, and two new ones moved in (bringing us to the current 4). The one that moved out was forced to do so due to financial issues, and now lives at home, but hangs out often.

Here's the issue: The old roommate is over all the time. ALL THE TIME. We enjoy his company, he's a good guy, we don't get sick of him or anything, but he's over too often. The fact of the matter is that we are being taken advantage of. He works nights and will usually come over right when he gets off work. He will be there all day and is normally there when I get home from work. He will sometimes go home for dinner, but most of the time he will be over until he has to go to work. On weekends he will just spend the night and not bother going home, sometimes for days at a time.

Like I said before, it's not that we don't like the guy, it's that we feel like we're being used.

His parents won't let him move out (financial reasons + some other stuff) at the moment, so having him move back in isn't an option. A couple roommates are throwing around the idea of charging him and one other guy half-rent and letting them stay whenever they want and have an actual bed, although I don't see that working well.

Any advice would be great. Trying to be reasonable but firm.
 
If you do not mind it, I do not think it should be an issue.

If you think he's mooching, make him do stuff for you like barfo said.
 
"Hey, we're really hoping your parents will let you move out so that you can live with us next year. It was awesome hanging out as much as we did last year. Unfortunately we're running into some cash flow issues this year since you're not actually living here but you're over so much. We need to get back to more of a "guest" thing this year until you can move in again (or have you kick in a share for the food/drink/utilities). It's just a little too expensive to keep going the way we have been. Anything more than x meals/y nights a week puts a strain on our budget and winds up causing some internal friction between us roommates here."

This way you reinforce that you like him and it's not a personal thing and kind of give him the feeling of a choice. If you don't really want him to have a choice just omit the second option.
 
Originally posted by: isekii
if he's a good friend it shouldn't be an issue.
Click to expand...

He really is, but it's been going on since he moved out.

Are we being unreasonable by expecting some compensation? Not being sarcastic.
 
Well, the suggestion of a "fee" for a bed-spot isn't too bad. Does he eat your food, watch your TV, play your games, use your showers, etc...basically "live" there without living there? How many actual hours per day is he there? Is it just more convenient for him to lay up there in-between classes than go all the way home?

Unfortunately, if you're all truly good friends, I don't see any good way of saying "Hey, you can't just stay here..." without sounding like the friendship means less than it does. There could also be problems at home for him...you might try asking about it.
 
Originally posted by: ggnl
is he eating your food or using your water/electricity? how exactly is he using you?
Click to expand...

Takes up a lot of space. He takes naps on the (good) couch more than anyone else at the house, so during the middle of the day I come home and see him passed out with food wrappers all over.

He isn't very tidy by nature. He does an OK job, but not perfect. Uses several plates/bowls/glasses daily. Never volunteers to help clean messes (watches TV while we do cleans).
 
Originally posted by: krylon
I think you should post more on ATOT instead of just talking to the guy about it.
Click to expand...

We decided as roommates that we should have an actual plan for how we approach this. Thanks for being a dick though.
 
Originally posted by: James Bond
Originally posted by: isekii
if he's a good friend it shouldn't be an issue.
Click to expand...

He really is, but it's been going on since he moved out.

Are we being unreasonable by expecting some compensation? Not being sarcastic.
Click to expand...

Compensation for what, your company? If he's eating your food or washing clothes or showering over there I could see your point, but you haven't told us about anything he does that actually costs you guys any money.
 
Originally posted by: Gooberlx2
Well, the suggestion of a "fee" for a bed-spot isn't too bad. Does he eat your food, watch your TV, play your games, use your showers, etc...basically "live" there without living there? How many actual hours per day is he there? Is it just more convenient for him to lay up there in-between classes than go all the way home?

Unfortunately, if you're all truly good friends, I don't see any good way of saying "Hey, you can't just stay here..." without sounding like the friendship means less than it does. There could also be problems at home for him...you might try asking about it.
Click to expand...

He doesn't eat our food, he will get fast-food and bring it over usually. Doesn't use the showers, but does use just about everything else. Aside from not changing and showering here, he does "live" with us.
 
Originally posted by: James Bond
Originally posted by: isekii
if he's a good friend it shouldn't be an issue.
Click to expand...

He really is, but it's been going on since he moved out.

Are we being unreasonable by expecting some compensation? Not being sarcastic.
Click to expand...

No, this is just part of the transition from early college attitude to adult attitude. It's part of the maturing process, for both you guys and for him. What wasn't a big deal a year ago is now a bottom line consideration. You're all learning conflict resolution skills and he's learning about the manners of not becoming a burden on his friends.

He sounds like a good guy, I bet if you guys are straight with him he'll appreciate it and go along with whatever you suggest.
 
Originally posted by: ggnl
Originally posted by: James Bond
Originally posted by: isekii
if he's a good friend it shouldn't be an issue.
Click to expand...

He really is, but it's been going on since he moved out.

Are we being unreasonable by expecting some compensation? Not being sarcastic.
Click to expand...

Compensation for what, your company? If he's eating your food or washing clothes or showering over there I could see your point, but you haven't told us about anything he does that actually costs you guys any money.
Click to expand...

I'll be more specific.

The main issue here is that we feel like we're being used. He moved out, so he doesn't have to pay $1100/mo like we do, but he still has ALL the benefits.

He eats and sleeps at our place all the time. He creates a decent sized mess and doesn't do great cleaning up. He is constantly watching TV, playing video games, using heat during the day (when we're at work).
 
Originally posted by: James Bond
Originally posted by: Gooberlx2
Well, the suggestion of a "fee" for a bed-spot isn't too bad. Does he eat your food, watch your TV, play your games, use your showers, etc...basically "live" there without living there? How many actual hours per day is he there? Is it just more convenient for him to lay up there in-between classes than go all the way home?

Unfortunately, if you're all truly good friends, I don't see any good way of saying "Hey, you can't just stay here..." without sounding like the friendship means less than it does. There could also be problems at home for him...you might try asking about it.
Click to expand...

He doesn't eat our food, he will get fast-food and bring it over usually. Doesn't use the showers, but does use just about everything else. Aside from not changing and showering here, he does "live" with us.
Click to expand...

IMO, it's probably reasonable to ask for a little compensation (very little, really) if you're all willing to be his official crash-pad and give him a key, in addition to him being more tidy and helping clean. Otherwise, I'd just ask him to be more tidy, let slide everything else and really work to plant the seed of him moving back in with you guys.
 
Originally posted by: James Bond
Originally posted by: ggnl
Originally posted by: James Bond
Originally posted by: isekii
if he's a good friend it shouldn't be an issue.
Click to expand...

He really is, but it's been going on since he moved out.

Are we being unreasonable by expecting some compensation? Not being sarcastic.
Click to expand...

Compensation for what, your company? If he's eating your food or washing clothes or showering over there I could see your point, but you haven't told us about anything he does that actually costs you guys any money.
Click to expand...

I'll be more specific.

The main issue here is that we feel like we're being used. He moved out, so he doesn't have to pay $1100/mo like we do, but he still has ALL the benefits.

He eats and sleeps at our place all the time. He creates a decent sized mess and doesn't do great cleaning up. He is constantly watching TV, playing video games, using heat during the day (when we're at work).
Click to expand...

Does he have a key? The passive aggressive way of dealing with this would be to ask the landlord to change the locks. Or tell him the landlord is doing a key count and requires his key be returned.
 
Originally posted by: James Bond
Originally posted by: ggnl
Originally posted by: James Bond
Originally posted by: isekii
if he's a good friend it shouldn't be an issue.
Click to expand...

He really is, but it's been going on since he moved out.

Are we being unreasonable by expecting some compensation? Not being sarcastic.
Click to expand...

Compensation for what, your company? If he's eating your food or washing clothes or showering over there I could see your point, but you haven't told us about anything he does that actually costs you guys any money.
Click to expand...

I'll be more specific.

The main issue here is that we feel like we're being used. He moved out, so he doesn't have to pay $1100/mo like we do, but he still has ALL the benefits.

He eats and sleeps at our place all the time. He creates a decent sized mess and doesn't do great cleaning up. He is constantly watching TV, playing video games, using heat during the day (when we're at work).
Click to expand...

How is he getting into the apartment if no ones home?

 
You should just talk to him with your roomates and be like, "hey dude, we think you're over here too much."
 
Tell him the reason you all got along so well is because you're all gay. Tell him you've not had group orgy in a while due to his increasing presense and unless he's willing to come out of the closet and join you guys that he would have to stop being such a cock block/cock tease and stay the hell out.
 
Originally posted by: James Bond
Originally posted by: krylon
I think you should post more on ATOT instead of just talking to the guy about it.
Click to expand...

We decided as roommates that we should have an actual plan for how we approach this. Thanks for being a dick though.
Click to expand...

😕
 
Have him pay part rent. so as long as you minimize what he leaves in the house, don't worry about charging full rent. But if he is literally spending his whole day after work, then you really need to talk to him about it.

IMO I'd be embarassed to be that guy. He very well knows he is taking advantage of everything.
 
Originally posted by: magomago
Have him pay part rent. so as long as you minimize what he leaves in the house, don't worry about charging full rent. But if he is literally spending his whole day after work, then you really need to talk to him about it.

IMO I'd be embarassed to be that guy. He very well knows he is taking advantage of everything.
Click to expand...

He absolutely does. He probably looks at it more like "wow this is a sweet ass deal I have going".

What really got me was the other day when he told me he had saved up over 15K since the day he moved out.
 
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