- Mar 8, 2003
- 38,416
- 4
- 0
For the past week, whenever people talk to me, they somehow seem like they are a million miles away. i dont know how to describe it well. it seems that cant think of what words to say, like in slow motion, and i cannot think of what to say back to them and it comes out rambling. my mom says i have been acting wierd, although i dont drink or use drugs (she asked if i were smoking). my thoughts are constantly on my imagination. i keep placing myself over mistakes i have made in the past (expecially one involving a girl that i have not talked to in 5 months), my mind torchers me over that girl, but i did not think of her for a moment for like the past 4 months, but in the past 2 weeks, it has become downright distracting in my classes. the teacher speaks to the class and i cant absorb it because i am so far away it seems. the biggest problem is my people skills, they have gone down the crapper in the past 2 weeks. my grades in school have improved allot since this has started happening to me, even tho i do not pay attention in class because i am distracted by my thoughts, my grades have improved. i keep having a reoccuring fantasy whenever i am walking, i am up on a stage singing songs from the wall, animals, and amused to death and people are cheering. i have started using my MP3 player so much that people think i ignore them because i have it on. I have a obsession now with avoiding people i know, whether it be my fellow students or my parents. i seem to brush my mom off allot in the past 2 weeks whenever she trys to talk to me, or i try to take a differant side of an argument than her. when i talk to my dad i either end up quite as a mouse or blabber constantly about computer stuff. I had a dream last night about the girl that came back into my thoughts, drempt that we were married and i was miserable. i also have wierd dreams in the past 2 weeks about being in prison. Also, war and natural disasters occur frequantly, also rejection. i rember a strange dream in which i saw a bunch of beutiful women walk by and a man was standing behind me, whispering, "you see all these beutiful women? they will never be yours". I tend to wake up at exactly the same time everymorning without a clock now. Caffine has lost all effect. i found myself looking at myself in the mirror more and more. I dont know why, i guess i just forget what i look like. I have become very hesatant to make decisions. I also do not have much to do with my clan anymore. i dont get online and play the games i usually do with them. Tonight i was a walmart and i saw some people i knew from school, that i would normally say hey to, but i avoided eye contact and walked on and i know that they knew who i was. Another one of my friends came in the door the same time i did at the lunchroom, but i pretended i did not hear with my headphones and looked down at the floor and walked past. I cant get enough to drink, no matter how much i drink, i am still thirsty. this has only started in the past 4 days. I get sleepy during the day, but pop awake at night. I dont get hungry as much as i used to and find myself only eating a food bar for breakfast, a bag of cheesenips for lunch and a moderate late lunch. I cant seem to to my job very well anymore becuse i am constantly forgetting to do stuff and exagerate storys to my boss, who probably thinks me incompetant now. the only thing i seem to enjoy now is going out to the storage building and bringing PCs back and forth. I dont know what is becoming of me
Facebook
Twitter