English help...

Burn

Golden Member
Oct 9, 1999
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Okay, here is the story I have an English paper do tomorrow that pretty much decides my grade. Could you guys and gals tell me how I can change this persuasive letter of initial position to a magazine for the better?


Mr. Stephen G. Smith
U.S. News and World Report
1050 Thomas Jefferson Street NW
Washington, DC 20007-3837

Dear Sir:

There is currently a debate raging in the medical community on what must be done to decrease the number of medical errors. Deaths as a result of medical errors have become an enormous problem. It is estimated that up to ninety thousand people per year in the United States die because of medical errors. Something must be done about this problem. It is the opinion of numerous qualified individuals that medical errors should be publicly reported. One reason why medical errors should be reported publicly is that hospitals and their staff would be forced to show greater care in their work for fear of lawsuits. Hospitals simply could not afford more lawsuits and changes would be immediate.

A second reason why medical errors should be made public is that it would cause doctors and nurses to fully implement the technology they already have installed. An example of this is the computer software hospitals possess to analyze drug prescriptions. The software analyzes drug prescriptions to prevent accidental overdoses or negative reactions because of a bad combination of drugs. Sixty percent of hospitals have this software installed, but less than one percent actually use it.

A third reason why medical errors should be made public is that doctors and nurses would be forced to become more conscientious for fear of their reputations being ruined. Allen Zarkin would not have inscribed his initials on a woman's abdomen if he knew that his career would be ended because of public outrage. The innocent woman he harmed would have been spared the permanent mutilation she suffered if Allen Zarkin had in his mind that he would be publicly embarrassed.

Public reporting of medical errors must be implemented to solve the problem of needless harm or death caused to patients. If nothing is done about the problem countless numbers of people will continue to be harmed. Who would want to see a family member or friend seriously harmed or murdered because of an avoidable medical mistake? No one would. Publicly reporting medical errors is the solution.

Sincerely,
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Burn

 

Burn

Golden Member
Oct 9, 1999
1,104
0
0
No, this is asking a close friend to proof-read a paper and suggest how I can improve it. I am not asking for you to write it or correct it. In my course policies it allows for the asking of advice. :)
 

Kjazlaw

Senior member
Feb 18, 2000
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a english major procrastinating... :) here's what i would do to change it. good luck!

justin

Dear Sir:

There is currently a debate raging in the medical community about what must be done to decrease the number of medical errors. Deaths as a result of medical errors are an enormous problem. It is estimated that up to ninety thousand people per year in the United States die because of medical errors. Oddly enough, it is not required that these errors be reported to the public. It is the opinion of numerous qualified individuals that medical errors should be publicly reported. By requiring public notification of medical errors, hospital staff would be held accountable for their actions. Hospitals simply could not afford more lawsuits and changes would be immediate.

Many hospitals have purchased error-prevention devices. However, due to laziness or lack of training, they are not in common use. Publicly reporting errors would encourage doctors and nurses to fully implement the technology they already have installed. An example of this is the computer software hospitals possess to analyze drug prescriptions. The software analyzes drug prescriptions to prevent accidental overdoses or negative reactions because of a improper combination of drugs. Sixty percent of hospitals have this software installed, but less than one percent actually use it.

A good reputation is vital in the medical profession. Mandating the public notification of medical errors would cause doctors and nurses to become more conscientious of their actions. Allen Zarkin would not have inscribed his initials on a woman's abdomen if he knew that his career would have ended because of public outrage. The innocent woman he harmed would have been spared the permanent mutilation she suffered if Allen Zarkin had in his mind that he would be publicly embarrassed.

Public reporting of medical errors must be implemented to end the needless harm or death caused to patients. If nothing is done about the problem, countless numbers of people will continue to be harmed. Who would want to see a family member or friend seriously harmed or murdered because of an avoidable medical mistake? Publicly reporting medical errors is the solution.

Sincerely,
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Burn