Elevator Etiquette

[SandEagle]

so, let's say you're the first to get into the elevator. do you:

1) ask others what floor and press it for them?

2) make small talk on the way up/down?

3) smile politely and nod?

4) hold the Door Open button until everyone is in?

i only do the first. i hate small talk and direct eye contacts on elevators. plus, i hit the Door Close button repeatedly so others can't make it in. when WILL they invent button technology that understands urgency?

 

[zebano]

I intentionally stare at other people without saying a word.

 

[blackdogdeek]

the only thing i do is hold the door open if i see someone trying to catch the elevator

 

[gophins72]

if i'm out in public i will ask others politely which floor and smile.
if i'm at work, i return the same scowl that others have on their faces and let them press their own button.

 

[dougp]

You forgot:

5) Crop dust as you exit.

 

[spidey07]

I try to be polite. But if I rip one I immediately look at the guy next to me to blame it on him.

 

[CPA]

I frantically poke the "close doors" button. The less stops I have to make the better.

 

[meltdown75]

# 1 and 4, but am very thankful that the new office is on the main floor and we don't share the building with anyone else.

 

[gimmewhitecastles]

I only press buttons for others if im standing in front of the buttons and the elevator is packed. Otherwise I mind my own business and head to the back.

I won't press the close door button either. I just let the internal timer run its course. I will hold the door if someone is trying to catch it.

 

[bobdole369]

I always, ALWAYS let loose an SBD. In a crowded elevator it is very amusing. In an elevator with you and a hot chick, not so much.

 

[Wyndru]

You forgot:

5) Crop dust as you exit.

 

[BoomerD]

Step into elevator, push appropriate button, step away from panel.

As others get in, let them push their own buttons.

Don't ever push "door open" button. Let them wait for the next car.

Try to float an airbiscuit as often as possible without shitting pants.

 

[dank69]

so, let's say you're the first to get into the elevator. do you:

1) ask others what floor and block that floor's button so they can't press it?

2) trip people as they enter the elevator?

3) trip people as they exit the elevator?

4) When you get off the elevator on floor 3 and notice someone on the elevator has to go to floor 22, do you hit all the other floor buttons on your way out?

Yes, yes, yes and yes!

 

[overst33r]

Step into elevator, push appropriate button, step away from panel.

As others get in, let them push their own buttons.

Don't ever push "door open" button. Let them wait for the next car.

Try to float an airbiscuit as often as possible without shitting pants.

never heard the term airbiscuit...

UD says

A fart not loud enough to hear but thick enough to chew.

1. ‘Fucking hell, I could pluck that right out the air and dip it my tea’

Also I do 1,3,4.

Treat others as you would like to be treated.

 

[aloser]

My behavior is as follows:

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

4. Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.

5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

7. Shave.

8. Crack open your briefcase or purse and, while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Noogie patrol coming!"

13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you 'Admiral'.

14. One word: Flatulence!

15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.

16. Do Tai Chi exercises.

17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while and then announce, "I've got new socks on!"

18. When at least eight people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now - motion sickness!"

19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.

20. Meow occasionally.

21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

22. Frown and mutter, "gotta go, gotta go." Then, sigh and say, "oops!"

23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

24. Sing Mary Had a Little Lamb while continually pushing buttons.

25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

26. Walk on with a cooler that says 'human head' on the side.

27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

28. Burp and then say, "mmmm... tasty!"

29. Leave a box between the doors.

30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers 'through' it.

32. Start a sing-along.

33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

34. Play the harmonica.

35. Shadow box.

36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37. Lean against the button panel.

38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space'.

41. Bring a chair along.

42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

43. Blow spit bubbles.

44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

45. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

46. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

47. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."

48. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad Touch!"

 

[nageov3t]

I hit my button and back away from the panel so anyone else can hit their respective floors.

at the office, I'll make small talk with coworkers and hold the door if I hear someone coming.

at a random elevator in public, no to both.

 

[brblx]

49. discover the internet.

 

[BarkingGhostar]

the only thing i do is hold the door open if i see someone trying to catch the elevator

I usually press the Door Close button, and then I become very flatulence for those that made it into the elevator. D::awe:

 

[BurnItDwn]

I usually just continue the conversation with whomever I am walking.
Usually I only go on the elevator at work if I'm talking with other people who are headed to the same place, otherwise I take the stairs.

Outside of work, 99.9% of the places I go do not have an elevator.

 

[Demon-Xanth]

Depends of the crowd and where you're at.

 

[meltdown75]

10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

wait what

 

[dabuddha]

I masturbate furiously until I pass out in the corner in a puddle of my own vomit

 

[Krazy4Real]

I masturbate furiously until I pass out in the corner in a puddle of my own vomit

Wow... furious masturbation indeed.

 

[Deeko]

1) ask others what floor and press it for them?

Sometimes, particularly if they're carrying something or its crowded

2) make small talk on the way up/down?

Absolutely not. If they initiate it, I'll be friendly and respond, but I will not initiate it, and despite my friendly responses, I fully resent those that do.

3) smile politely and nod?

Smile? Probably not, but I'll look them in the eye and nod. Acknowledge their existence basically. All the small talk anyone should ever need.

4) hold the Door Open button until everyone is in?

Yes.

 

[GagHalfrunt]

You forgot:

5) Crop dust as you exit.

Crop dust immediately upon entering. That increases the chances that other people will stay out.