- Nov 11, 2004
- 12,576
- 7
- 81
How do these people survive?
ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu
that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked
for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the
teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six,
nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets,
but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered
six McNuggets.
TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few
items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I
picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register
and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the
girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking
it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar
code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her
"I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said
"OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what
had just happened.
THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her
floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what
she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept
asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her
car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should
have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get
into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store)
would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an
alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually
unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check
about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost
out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper,"
the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining
blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make
five "blank" copies.
SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor
home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire
need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in
"Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the
driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a
sandwich.
SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the
central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when
they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a
woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke
coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a
metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police
pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't
telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
confessed.
NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she
needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants.
The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be
fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher:
Rush him in to emergency!
Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."
ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu
that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked
for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the
teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six,
nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets,
but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered
six McNuggets.
TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few
items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I
picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register
and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the
girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking
it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar
code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her
"I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said
"OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what
had just happened.
THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her
floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what
she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept
asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her
car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should
have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get
into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store)
would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an
alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered,
handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually
unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check
about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost
out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper,"
the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining
blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make
five "blank" copies.
SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor
home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire
need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in
"Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the
driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a
sandwich.
SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the
central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when
they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a
woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke
coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a
metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police
pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't
telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
confessed.
NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she
needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants.
The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be
fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher:
Rush him in to emergency!
Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."
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