Dont have Children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Yeeny]

Actually MichealD, I was there before. My hubby and I split up for 2 years, when our two oldest were small, and we shared custody. Now I am not going to lie and say everything was sunshine and rainbows between us, but when it came to our son/daughter and time with them, there was no arguing. He knew any time he wanted them, he could come take them, as long as I didn't have anything planned ahead of time. And I always kept him informed of my plans, so that was always a non issue with us. No offense taken, I have seen it happen with my own eyes plenty of times. The woman gets bitter (sometimes the man too) over whatever reason, and uses the child as a weapon. It's sad that people don't consider the children more in those situations.

Besides that, I am only human, and with three kids, I welcome the break. I mean hey, I would miss them, but damn, some time off as mommy would be nice now and again.

GoPunk: Just remember, like any situation, its always the bad ones you hear about. You don't exactly hear men saying things like "That bitch ex of mine lets me have my kids when I want, and only wants enough child support to cover half the expenses!"

 

[EagleKeeper]

<< Dont have Children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >>



And dont have sexual relations with that woman(except if you are at the White House)

 

[gopunk]

GoPunk: Just remember, like any situation, its always the bad ones you hear about. You don't exactly hear men saying things like "That bitch ex of mine lets me have my kids when I want, and only wants enough child support to cover half the expenses!"

heh, well i still don't think a paramilitary branch of cps would hurt

 

[MichaelD]

GirlFriday,

Cool! After I hit "reply" I got a little worried I overstepped the bounds. Glad you understood my meaning!

Oh, and

<< Besides that, I am only human, and with three kids, I welcome the break. I mean hey, I would miss them, but damn, some time off as mommy would be nice now and again. >>



That's another thing I don't understand about his mom. Normally, I pick him up Friday night. Well, sometimes, come Thursday or even Wednesday, I have no money, which means we'd have no fun that weekend. So, I work the second job on Friday night. When I call her on Thursday to say "hey, somethings come up...can I pick him up first thing Saturday morning?"

She flies off the handle. "If you can't pick him up Friday, then you won't be seeing him at all, you worthless piece of $%@@!$&&!. You get the idea. She shoots herself in the foot! If I pick him up Saturday, she has the weekend to herself. "Mom time", right? If she doesn't let me see him, she has no time to herself at all.

I do not understand this. Our son is hyperactive. Whether or not he's ADHD is questionable, but he is a handful...she shoots herself in the foot.

 

[Corn]

rahvin!!!! Bravo!!!!!!! Well done man, it brings me great joy to watch the "intellectually elite" (LOL as if.....) self-destruct out in the open like you've just done.

 

[Tangerine]

Girl Friday I agree with you 100%. I know too many divorced parents who trash talk their ex in front of the kids or even complain to their children about the other parent as if they are talking to their girlfreind or something!! Those people need to get some therapy. As much as you hate your ex, you are hurting the kids when you do that. It burns me up to see parents be so ignorant and selfish.

Kids need to think that their parents are good people that love them and want to see them or it hurts THEIR self esteem. Even if the ex is a rat b@stard, find something nice to say or shut the hell up in front of the kids.

 

[Yeeny]

Ahh, see my 10 yr old is ADHD, so I don't get that either. I love him to death, don't get me wrong, but he could try the patience of a saint. And I am far from that. Besides, I enjoyed getting to go out, and be me for a night, instead of being mom. Its nice to play adults sometimes. Sounds to me like maybe shes bitter over the life she has chosen to lead since she threw you out, and is trying to make you pay for it. Good luck, sounds like you have your hands full for the next however many years till your son is 18. But, one good thing, it sounds like you and your son get along very well. And alot of dads that are there 24/7 can't say the same thing. So, your son sounds like a lucky little boy.

meja: I totally agree. People don't realize how much that hurts the kids, they love both their parents, and no one wants to feel torn between the people they adore. Especially not some poor five year old who doesn't understand why mommy and daddy aren't together in the first place.

 

[Adul]

<< I didnt think that this article is extreme at all. Everything stated there is true, from my experience. It would take to long to tell the whole story, but my wife has no business having custody of my daughter. She is dating a sex offender (child protection now has proof of this), she leaves my daughter alone with him. I talked to her about it (the ex) and said, why would you leave our beautiful little 8 yr old daughter alone with this guy who just raped his own 12 yr old daughter? Her reply was, been there, done that, wrote the book, got the shirt. What ever that means. My ex's other two boys 20 and 13 have nothing to do with her, both saying that they hate her. My 8 yr old has been through 3 different drug raids by the sheriffs department. My ex is drunk and stoned all the time, physically fighting with her bf in front of my daughter. My daughter said, in front of my whole family at the dinner table, "my mom has butt sex with Gary." I am like WHAT? Why would you say that? My daughter "Well mom is naked and laying on her stomach and Gary is on top of her from behind, mom screams and stuff." I said how do you know that? My daughter "I sleep in the same bed with them." So, my ex has sex with her "men" in the same bed that my daughter is in!!! My ex cant keep a job, doesnt have a car, is homeless 75% of the time, a drug addict, a drunk. Child Protection has been called over 50 times with complaints about how my daughter is being treated. I have my hands tied, I cant afford, or in no way can come up with the $5000 that a lawyer wants to represent my daughter and myself in a custody battle. I pray every night that God keeps my daughter safe. I am looking for ways to raise $5k if anyone has any ideas. I have poor credit, mostly from my divorce. It was easy to ruin my credit but hard to get back on track. I have a good job and a two bedroom house, I am drug and alchohol free and have a stable life. My daughter would have a much nicer life with me. She wants to live with me but her mother says no way. I pay my ex $500 a month in child support, that is her drug and party money, she couldnt do without that. >>



Omg that sucks

isnt there any help for you out there?

 

[Nemesis77]

After hearing about sysadmins situation (a situation NOBODY should be in!), a thought crossed my mind. Now, I don't jknow do I have the right to suggest this but...

...how about a Paypal-account?

 

[Lucky]

<< After hearing about sysadmins situation (a situation NOBODY should be in!), a thought crossed my mind. Now, I don't jknow do I have the right to suggest this but...

...how about a Paypal-account? >>




We raised ~$2500 or so for compuwiz1 but that was in the FS/FT forum where everyone is a bit closer...and honestly sysadmin isnt as well known. I'd contact the mods (which is what I did) if you want to do this, you will probably need their approval as charity threads generally arent allowed.

 

[Nemesis77]

<<

<< After hearing about sysadmins situation (a situation NOBODY should be in!), a thought crossed my mind. Now, I don't jknow do I have the right to suggest this but...

...how about a Paypal-account? >>




We raised ~$2500 or so for compuwiz1 but that was in the FS/FT forum where everyone is a bit closer...and honestly sysadmin isnt as well known. I'd contact the mods (which is what I did) if you want to do this, you will probably need their approval as charity threads generally arent allowed. >>



I don't know would I have what it takes to organise something like this. Add to that the fact that I have never used Paypal and that I'm in Finland, things would be easy.

 

[Tangerine]

Ok a quick google search for pro bono pulled up this site.
there are thousands of other links too.

Even if it takes months of waiting in the queue for a lawyer, start today!

And document EVERYTHING. Keep a log of things your daughter tells you, police reports, anything pertinent. Good luck

 

[jjones]

I have a kid now but I don't think this will ever become a problem thank god and the tolerance of my wife.

 

[ttn1]

I haven't had to deal with any serious relationship/children issues yet and I hope I never
have problems like the ones discussed here, but I did grow up with divorced parents.

Looking back now it amazes me that they handled things so well. I was about 6 when my Mom
packed us up one night and we "went away". She then called my Dad and told him where we went.
I have just been learning how screwed up it was just in the last few years and I am now 30.
Luckily, my parents were very civil about it and I never remember them fighting. My sister and I visited
my Dad at least once a month through all of our growing up years. We have good relationships with
both our parents which just amazes me when I talk to others in broken families.

I am still dumbfounded to realize that my parents are actually human and really screwed up.
They were right out of college when they got married and weren't terribly compatible. A whole
series of crazy decisions on my Mom's part lead to the split up, but I guess she could never
admit to my Dad that she was unhappy for a lot of the marriage.

Just thought I would give a ray of hope, in an otherwise dismal thread.

 

[Pliablemoose]

Another thing that would be a career ending move by congress would be to allow a partial deduction for dads who are current on their child support, one of the things that killed me was coughing up child support on time & then not even being able to claim the child as a deduction. My ex graciously allowed me to buy the child as a deduction each year if the price was right, I'd calculate my taxes & her taxes & offer her more than the deduction was worth to her, but less than what it was worth to me.

I think that a partial deduction in Fed taxes has merit, it's just that most elected officials are sure that 50% of their supporters would be instantly pissed off by a change in the law.

 

[pyonir]

wow, what do i say after reading this thread. most of the threads on OT are in fun or are a waste of bandwith, but this thread is the best thread i have EVER read. not the best because it is good, but the best because it shows how the real world is. i have not had a sustained/serious relationship and have not had any kids yet so i can't begin to imagine what life is like for the parents in here (divorced or not). But i do want to say that the stories told in here are extremely powerful and i hope that some of them serve as an enlightenment and a warning (couldn't think of a better word) to the younger members of AT (including myself). for what it's worth, my mom was divorced from her previous husband after having four children (all young). she met my dad and after an obvious courtship they were married. My father took on the responsibility of raising 4 children that were not his, not to mention they had two more (my sister and i). I look up to my father for that, and after reading all these threads have even MORE respect and esteem for him. my moms ex was still in the lives of the kids, but not to a great extent. they all talk but not very often. in fact those 4 kids from my moms previous marriage, all call my dad, "Dad". I don't know what i am trying to say by writing this post, but i just wanted all of the people that have posted realize that what they say, does have an effect on some of us. Hopefully it will work out for all of you and your children grow up to be great people. Good Luck to all the parents and thank you for sharing so that people like me can be more careful when finding "the one".

 

[gopunk]

pyonir -

if you want to hear more of these stories, you can always listen to tom leykis... on the surface, his show comes off as... somewhat base, but there are often sad stories about fathers and their children on that show. highly recommended to any male, or female for that matter.

 

[aimn]

Just so you guys know........I started working a second job last Monday. I have had some medical problems that have kept me from doing that in the past. Hopefully I am healthy enough to keep it up. I plan on saving every check from this job to put towards trying for custody. I cant sell my car, I am upside down in it. It also needs about $1500 worth of work done to it. I make ok money but pay a lot for flex benefits, insurance and child support out of it. I also have car insurance and car payment, besides student loans........well....you guys know what it is like.
I would give anything to get custody of my daughter. I tried when we first got divorced and lost the case, even though we were positive that we had won! They ordered her mother into drug/alcohol treatment, inpatient. Ordered her to psychiatric eval, ordered her to a year long anger management treatment. She didnt do any of these things. I filed in court to protest this, saying it was contempt ........but the courts didnt want to hear about it. I have talked to a lot of lawyers about this case and they said that I better be careful because if I lose this time, the courts will see me as "crying wolf".
My daughter doesnt have a chance in life being raised by her mother. She is getting to the age that I need to get her before its to late. I got an email from the social worker at my daughters school saying "Please try and get custody of your daughter, she is so much safer with you." The social worker has also filed a complaint with child protection. The police even filed a complaint. I made them aware that my daughter was living in the back of a pickup truck, because they were homeless. The police found them sleeping in the back of the truck, behind the bar. The ex told him that she was waiting for a friend, but he didnt buy it.
Its a strange county that they live in, real hard to get them to do there jobs. This whole thing is a nightmare, I could go on forever. I will keep working hard, and keep praying to God to keep my daughter safe, untill I can somehow get her.
I want my daughter to have the opportunity to take dance class or play afterschool sports. Join girl scouts, you know, all the cool stuff you did when you were a kid. She doesnt even get to eat 3 meals a day sometimes, so she is a ways away from being able to do "normal" things that an 8 yr old should be doing. My worry now is, getting her out of the situation she is in before the ex's boyfriend molests her or worse.

 

[Adul]

sysadmin I wish I had the money to give to you. That is truly sad . I hope you are able to get your daughter back soon.

 

[FettsBabe]

Psycho's x is bitter too. I don't understand how she can treat her child this way. She has been to 2 Cub Scout activities in 4 years (probably 40-45 meetings, events each year). She doesn't attend his swimming lessons. She won't make arrangments for him to attend basketball games on the weekends he is with us, but she takes him on the weekends he is with her. We have tried and tried to make arrangements with her, but she said "no." She won't go to counseling. She waits and waits to review date change requests. Right now she's had one since 12/1. She says she doesn't have time to review them and she will get to it when it doesn't take time away from her family. She gets an attitude on the phone.

I just don't get it. I think she's an idiot. The thing is he is noticing she isn't there for him and he is noticing his dad is always there. Can't wait to we get enough money saved up to file for custody. We are going to tear her apart in court.

 

[Adul]

We raised money for Davemcowen when his troubles arised with the state of georgia. I think this is a good idea to start a found. Has in the past it has help raise some money for a good cause. Anything that could be donated would be great help for sysadmin.

 

[aimn]

Thanks Adul. I just thought that I would add, I have tried for legal aide, there is a four year wait. I have talked with Catholic Charities and I make to much. I have tried the Fathers resource network, to no avail. I have called at least 50 different lawyers to see if I could work something out, but I am honest with them and tell them that If I had to keep paying child support (lost custody case) that I just didnt have the cash to make payments to them. None arent interested, they want $2500 down and the balance paid before court.
I know that there is a way........someone will mention something, sometime, that will work. I will just keep plugging away.

 

[Adul]

I am sure there must be something that can help.

 

[Megatomic]

<<

<< From the sounds of you, some of you guys ended up with some pretty cold hearted women, I am sorry to hear that. I know if my husband and I ever split up, I would never keep our children from him. That would only serve to hurt the kids in the end, as he is a wonderful father. >>



one can only hope us youngin's will find someone as rational as you. unfortunately, that seems to be a rarity.... >>



But they're out there man, I married mine 11 years ago. And she and I would put ourselves through hell to keep our children happy even after a break-up (god forbid). Don't give up on the good women yet.

 

[Megatomic]

<< My daughter doesnt have a chance in life being raised by her mother. She is getting to the age that I need to get her before its to late. I got an email from the social worker at my daughters school saying "Please try and get custody of your daughter, she is so much safer with you." The social worker has also filed a complaint with child protection. The police even filed a complaint. I made them aware that my daughter was living in the back of a pickup truck, because they were homeless. The police found them sleeping in the back of the truck, behind the bar. The ex told him that she was waiting for a friend, but he didnt buy it.
Its a strange county that they live in, real hard to get them to do there jobs. This whole thing is a nightmare, I could go on forever. I will keep working hard, and keep praying to God to keep my daughter safe, untill I can somehow get her.
I want my daughter to have the opportunity to take dance class or play afterschool sports. Join girl scouts, you know, all the cool stuff you did when you were a kid. She doesnt even get to eat 3 meals a day sometimes, so she is a ways away from being able to do "normal" things that an 8 yr old should be doing. My worry now is, getting her out of the situation she is in before the ex's boyfriend molests her or worse. >>



:Q :disgust: :|

I just can't imagine being in that position. I love all my kids (2 boys, 1 girl) but like most Dads my daughter is close to the center of my world. If she was living a life like that I couldn't stand it. Where is that freakin' crying smilie?