A fish in the Mayonnaise
A fish was swimming in the mayonnaise one day, when it thought to itself, "Hey, I?m Greasaaay!" So the fish jumped to the floor and was promptly picked up by a roaming perch. The perch came to the door at the summon of a doorbell, and was told she was receiving a candygram.
She promptly answered, "I have heard of a landshark in this neighborhood. You aren?t a land shark, are you?
"No ma'am, insurance salesman."
"Are you sure you aren?t a land shark?
"No ma'am, candy gram."
"are you absolutely sure you aren?t a landshark?"
"No ma'am. Telephone repairman."
"Well okay..." *Opens door*
"ArgggHhHh!!!" *gets eaten by landshark*
So our little friend is trapped in the bowels of the landshark. Where a chance meeting with an ostrich wont save his life, but may kill the landshark. The 0strich pecks the tail of the landshark, and he eventually falls. The fish plops on the floor and is swept up by the ostrich, and his head is ripped off, and devoured.
The End.
A Carp Caught in an Avalanche
A carp was roughly 1/3 of the way down a mountain (called Sturgeon?s Peak) when a rumbling occurred. The source of the rumbling, as it was later found out was an avalanche. The carp looked up, trying to see anything that would hint at a source of the rumbling. He saw a wall of snow, (This was when it was realized that an avalanche caused the bumbling.) So he yelled back to a dead flounder, "Big Massive Ice Thingamajigger headed somewhere near here!"
The Flounder, being dead, naturally didn?t believe him. So it just sat there. The Carp looked back, and scooped up the flounder when it suddenly realized it was a fish. And so was the flounder. So it wondered why it was in this freezing place, on a mountaintop, named after a fish where caviar comes from.
There wasn?t any time to contemplate, as he was swept off his fins by the onrushing current of water (technically) He looked around, and saw several colors. Prevalent among them was orange and purple. This naturally makes no sense, but Neither does this entire story. So the Carp looked down and saw a dead carp body, and it occurred to him that some other carp had been in the avalanche. He thought.
As it turned out, he was the dead carp.
Suddenly, he saw a Bright light, and an archangel stepped out.
"I am the archangel Tyrael. I came here to prevent Diablo from freeing his brother Baal. But, I have failed. Now terror and destruction roam free throughout your world. Even now, they head towards the eastern city of Kurast, towards the very heart of the Zakarum temple..." (you all know the rest.) The carp naturally, being a dead carp, understood none of this. And having been reincarnated as a blond woman, still comprehends nothing to this day. (In fact she understood more as a carp!)
So let this be a lesson to you all. Don?t get reincarnated as Blond women.
CatFish in the Sky
Here we see a catfish in the sky!
Coming down for the bottom scrounging high!
Flying through the salty air to gather his food!!!
Then Master Yoda jumped out of the landing craft, and sliced the airborne catfish in 23 pieces. Count daccu got off his moped and pulled out his curved saber. Everyone grabbed some popcorn, and twizzlers. Then Yoda continued thrashing the catfish...
The catfish parts melted. They ran together. From the parts, a large perch was formed. It stood up, and with it's incredible smell blew both Count Daccu and Yoda on their asses! Then he jumped, and flew to the other end of the universe, arriving on a small planet called Sparkieville. There he met Lorena Bobbit, who proceeded to remove afew essentials from his lower body. Sparkie was nicer though, sending arrows at him at blinding speed. It was horrible!
Finally, a large vat of molten metal flew over him and dumped on him, turning him into a perchish statue. The end of his adventure.
Salmon on the Storm
*Doors Track playing*
A salmon swam up a river, trying to get some loving. It saw a HUGE DAMN DAM in its way. It tried several times to jump over it, but each time resulted in a resounding *Thwack* against the concrete barrier. So it petitioned the aid of several other fish, to push him faster. When they did, and he only went *Thwack* harder. So he finally asked the aid of a golden eagle, a large bird. The eagle said OK, and carried the fish up the damn dam's face.
"Okay, now you can let me go." said the salmon.
"No, I would prefer to eat you." Said the eagle.
"I taste bad!"
"I am hungry"
"I'll give you indigestion!"
"I eat rotten carcasses. I am used to indigestion!"
"So?"
"Yeah, so what!"
"I am a salmon"
"that you are"
"I am crazy"
"So?"
*Giant thunderbolt comes down from the sky and fries the Golden Eagle*
*Along with the golden eagle, the salmon also gets fried*
Damn, I shouldn?t have done that! I wanted the salmon to get to the upper streams! No one should ever die a virgin.
*Thwack*
*God knocks himself out with the hammer he was crafting thunderbolts with*
the end.
Cod on the trail
Running along a path one day a cod stepped out and squashed a bay. the bay asked why and the cod replied Bullegi!
Fishing at the end of the path, the cod ran out of bait. Wanting to reel in that big fella, he hooked his friend the sturgeon and threw him in.
The jello the sturgeon was thrown in was green and red, perfect for catching bed.
along the way, The cod was picked up by a bald eagle. the cod asked the eagle why he was bald, and somewhat embarassed, the eagle responded, "my wife pushed me into jello." The laughing was too much for the pooor eagle, and he dropped the poor cod onto the waiting busy los angelis Street. And after the non-stop construction fried him on a hot engine, he was no more. Or maybe he was.
A fish was swimming in the mayonnaise one day, when it thought to itself, "Hey, I?m Greasaaay!" So the fish jumped to the floor and was promptly picked up by a roaming perch. The perch came to the door at the summon of a doorbell, and was told she was receiving a candygram.
She promptly answered, "I have heard of a landshark in this neighborhood. You aren?t a land shark, are you?
"No ma'am, insurance salesman."
"Are you sure you aren?t a land shark?
"No ma'am, candy gram."
"are you absolutely sure you aren?t a landshark?"
"No ma'am. Telephone repairman."
"Well okay..." *Opens door*
"ArgggHhHh!!!" *gets eaten by landshark*
So our little friend is trapped in the bowels of the landshark. Where a chance meeting with an ostrich wont save his life, but may kill the landshark. The 0strich pecks the tail of the landshark, and he eventually falls. The fish plops on the floor and is swept up by the ostrich, and his head is ripped off, and devoured.
The End.
A Carp Caught in an Avalanche
A carp was roughly 1/3 of the way down a mountain (called Sturgeon?s Peak) when a rumbling occurred. The source of the rumbling, as it was later found out was an avalanche. The carp looked up, trying to see anything that would hint at a source of the rumbling. He saw a wall of snow, (This was when it was realized that an avalanche caused the bumbling.) So he yelled back to a dead flounder, "Big Massive Ice Thingamajigger headed somewhere near here!"
The Flounder, being dead, naturally didn?t believe him. So it just sat there. The Carp looked back, and scooped up the flounder when it suddenly realized it was a fish. And so was the flounder. So it wondered why it was in this freezing place, on a mountaintop, named after a fish where caviar comes from.
There wasn?t any time to contemplate, as he was swept off his fins by the onrushing current of water (technically) He looked around, and saw several colors. Prevalent among them was orange and purple. This naturally makes no sense, but Neither does this entire story. So the Carp looked down and saw a dead carp body, and it occurred to him that some other carp had been in the avalanche. He thought.
As it turned out, he was the dead carp.
Suddenly, he saw a Bright light, and an archangel stepped out.
"I am the archangel Tyrael. I came here to prevent Diablo from freeing his brother Baal. But, I have failed. Now terror and destruction roam free throughout your world. Even now, they head towards the eastern city of Kurast, towards the very heart of the Zakarum temple..." (you all know the rest.) The carp naturally, being a dead carp, understood none of this. And having been reincarnated as a blond woman, still comprehends nothing to this day. (In fact she understood more as a carp!)
So let this be a lesson to you all. Don?t get reincarnated as Blond women.
CatFish in the Sky
Here we see a catfish in the sky!
Coming down for the bottom scrounging high!
Flying through the salty air to gather his food!!!
Then Master Yoda jumped out of the landing craft, and sliced the airborne catfish in 23 pieces. Count daccu got off his moped and pulled out his curved saber. Everyone grabbed some popcorn, and twizzlers. Then Yoda continued thrashing the catfish...
The catfish parts melted. They ran together. From the parts, a large perch was formed. It stood up, and with it's incredible smell blew both Count Daccu and Yoda on their asses! Then he jumped, and flew to the other end of the universe, arriving on a small planet called Sparkieville. There he met Lorena Bobbit, who proceeded to remove afew essentials from his lower body. Sparkie was nicer though, sending arrows at him at blinding speed. It was horrible!
Finally, a large vat of molten metal flew over him and dumped on him, turning him into a perchish statue. The end of his adventure.
Salmon on the Storm
*Doors Track playing*
A salmon swam up a river, trying to get some loving. It saw a HUGE DAMN DAM in its way. It tried several times to jump over it, but each time resulted in a resounding *Thwack* against the concrete barrier. So it petitioned the aid of several other fish, to push him faster. When they did, and he only went *Thwack* harder. So he finally asked the aid of a golden eagle, a large bird. The eagle said OK, and carried the fish up the damn dam's face.
"Okay, now you can let me go." said the salmon.
"No, I would prefer to eat you." Said the eagle.
"I taste bad!"
"I am hungry"
"I'll give you indigestion!"
"I eat rotten carcasses. I am used to indigestion!"
"So?"
"Yeah, so what!"
"I am a salmon"
"that you are"
"I am crazy"
"So?"
*Giant thunderbolt comes down from the sky and fries the Golden Eagle*
*Along with the golden eagle, the salmon also gets fried*
Damn, I shouldn?t have done that! I wanted the salmon to get to the upper streams! No one should ever die a virgin.
*Thwack*
*God knocks himself out with the hammer he was crafting thunderbolts with*
the end.
Cod on the trail
Running along a path one day a cod stepped out and squashed a bay. the bay asked why and the cod replied Bullegi!
Fishing at the end of the path, the cod ran out of bait. Wanting to reel in that big fella, he hooked his friend the sturgeon and threw him in.
The jello the sturgeon was thrown in was green and red, perfect for catching bed.
along the way, The cod was picked up by a bald eagle. the cod asked the eagle why he was bald, and somewhat embarassed, the eagle responded, "my wife pushed me into jello." The laughing was too much for the pooor eagle, and he dropped the poor cod onto the waiting busy los angelis Street. And after the non-stop construction fried him on a hot engine, he was no more. Or maybe he was.
