The one that goes on about how dumb chain letters are... Somebody sent me a chain letter, and I want to send them a good reply 
Does anybody have that anti chain letter thing?
- Thread starter Argo
- Start date
Come on guys, you know it. It was here a while back. It basically makes fun of all the chain letters, and their authors.
Fardringle
Diamond Member
- Oct 23, 2000
- 9,200
- 765
- 126
This one?
THE E-MAIL CHAIN LETTER FACTS OF LIFE
1. Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. There is no baby food company issuing class-action checks. You can relax; there is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true". Furthermore, just because someone said in the message, four generations back, that "we checked it out and it's legit", does not actually make it true.
2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to his or her cousin. If you are hell-bent on believing the kidney-theft ring stories, please see: http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm And I quote: "The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued requests for actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their stories. None have." That's "none" as in "zero". Not even your friend's cousin.
3. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if they do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at: http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html. Then, if you make the recipe, and decide the cookies really are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on.
4. We all know all 500 ways to drive your roommates crazy, irritate co-workers and creep out people on an elevator. We also know exactly how many engineers, college students, Usenet posters and people from each and every world ethnicity it takes to change a light bulb
5. Even if the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this information would reach the public via an AOL chain letter?
6. There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm it at an actual site of an actual company that actually deals with virii. Try: http://www.norton.com/. And even then, don't forward it. We don't care.
7. If your CC: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your message, you're probably going to Hell.
8. If you're using Outlook, IE, or Netscape to write email, turn off the "HTML encoding." Those of us on Unix shells can't read it, and don't care enough to save the attachment and then view it with a web browser, since you're probably forwarding us a copy of the Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe anyway.
9. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message from a friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months. It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the ">" that begin each line. Besides, if it has gone around that many times - we've probably already seen it.
10. Craig Shergold in England is not dying of cancer or anything else at this time and would like everyone to stop sending him their business cards. He apparently is also no longer a "little boy" either.
THE E-MAIL CHAIN LETTER FACTS OF LIFE
1. Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. There is no baby food company issuing class-action checks. You can relax; there is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true". Furthermore, just because someone said in the message, four generations back, that "we checked it out and it's legit", does not actually make it true.
2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to his or her cousin. If you are hell-bent on believing the kidney-theft ring stories, please see: http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm And I quote: "The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued requests for actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their stories. None have." That's "none" as in "zero". Not even your friend's cousin.
3. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if they do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at: http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html. Then, if you make the recipe, and decide the cookies really are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on.
4. We all know all 500 ways to drive your roommates crazy, irritate co-workers and creep out people on an elevator. We also know exactly how many engineers, college students, Usenet posters and people from each and every world ethnicity it takes to change a light bulb
5. Even if the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this information would reach the public via an AOL chain letter?
6. There is no "Good Times" virus. In fact, you should never, ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm it at an actual site of an actual company that actually deals with virii. Try: http://www.norton.com/. And even then, don't forward it. We don't care.
7. If your CC: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your message, you're probably going to Hell.
8. If you're using Outlook, IE, or Netscape to write email, turn off the "HTML encoding." Those of us on Unix shells can't read it, and don't care enough to save the attachment and then view it with a web browser, since you're probably forwarding us a copy of the Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe anyway.
9. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message from a friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months. It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the ">" that begin each line. Besides, if it has gone around that many times - we've probably already seen it.
10. Craig Shergold in England is not dying of cancer or anything else at this time and would like everyone to stop sending him their business cards. He apparently is also no longer a "little boy" either.
What about this?
<< This Says it All
I drove to the post office the other day (in my FREE new Honda that I got just for forwarding
their email to my friends!) to pick up my case of free M&M's, (sent to me because I forwarded
their e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman
numerals) and to mail a letter to my congressman urging him to stop Madeline Murray O'Hare' from
banning the right to play Christmas Carols in public, when I ran into a friend.
He stopped to compliment me on my new outfit (one of the many I got FREE from the Gap and J. Crew
for forwarding their emails to everyone I knew). When I asked how he was doing, he told me that
his son was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken
- which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried
Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name to KFC. His daughter had survived
a bout with the flesh eating virus she got from a Costa Rican banana, and his wife was conscious
and feeling better, but they were a little tight on money after the cologne sniffing incident.
Oddly enough, he told me that his neighbor had suddenly passed away from a spider bite. Apparently
it was a rare, South American spider who got here by way of an international flight and is known
to hide under the lids of public toilet seats. If only he had been warned to look before he sat
down, he might have survived. Equally as unfortunate was his other neighbor who went scuba diving
on his day off, got scooped up by a forestry helicopter and dumped in the middle of a huge fire!
Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed! Although after what he told me next, maybe it
doesn't pay either way!
Anyway, my friend told me that not long ago he had gone to sleep and when he awoke he was in his
bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he realized
that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was
afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his
computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened e-mail entitled "Join the crew!" He knew
it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to
prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00
Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last
week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World
vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on
the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone
line at the guy's >expense. Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an
HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped around a note that said "Welcome to the world of
AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy who is
dying of cancer is. He's the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an
e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he
receives. I sent him two e-mails. One of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel
(if you get it and forward it to more than 20 people, you will have good luck, but for 10 people
you will only have OK luck, and if you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR
SEVEN YEARS). The other one gets you a FREE case of coca-cola, just for receiving the email!
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital and hoped he would make it since he
was almost out of gas and he couldn't buy any because he was part of the nation-wide "Gas Out",
but on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his
lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation. Which was ironic because there
was a man with a knife hiding in his back seat who would have killed him anyway.
Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk e-mail and you will receive four green M&M's,
but if you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble
will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: you will get cancer from
the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your wife will develop breast cancer from using the
antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the government will put a tax on your
e-mails forever. I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet. >>
<< This Says it All
I drove to the post office the other day (in my FREE new Honda that I got just for forwarding
their email to my friends!) to pick up my case of free M&M's, (sent to me because I forwarded
their e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in Roman
numerals) and to mail a letter to my congressman urging him to stop Madeline Murray O'Hare' from
banning the right to play Christmas Carols in public, when I ran into a friend.
He stopped to compliment me on my new outfit (one of the many I got FREE from the Gap and J. Crew
for forwarding their emails to everyone I knew). When I asked how he was doing, he told me that
his son was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken
- which is predictable, since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried
Chicken, which is why the government made them change their name to KFC. His daughter had survived
a bout with the flesh eating virus she got from a Costa Rican banana, and his wife was conscious
and feeling better, but they were a little tight on money after the cologne sniffing incident.
Oddly enough, he told me that his neighbor had suddenly passed away from a spider bite. Apparently
it was a rare, South American spider who got here by way of an international flight and is known
to hide under the lids of public toilet seats. If only he had been warned to look before he sat
down, he might have survived. Equally as unfortunate was his other neighbor who went scuba diving
on his day off, got scooped up by a forestry helicopter and dumped in the middle of a huge fire!
Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed! Although after what he told me next, maybe it
doesn't pay either way!
Anyway, my friend told me that not long ago he had gone to sleep and when he awoke he was in his
bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub he realized
that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was
afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his
computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened e-mail entitled "Join the crew!" He knew
it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to
prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00
Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. (It's true - I read it all last
week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World
vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)
The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but a voice on
the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone
line at the guy's >expense. Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an
HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped around a note that said "Welcome to the world of
AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where that little boy who is
dying of cancer is. He's the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an
e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he
receives. I sent him two e-mails. One of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel
(if you get it and forward it to more than 20 people, you will have good luck, but for 10 people
you will only have OK luck, and if you send it to fewer than 10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR
SEVEN YEARS). The other one gets you a FREE case of coca-cola, just for receiving the email!
So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital and hoped he would make it since he
was almost out of gas and he couldn't buy any because he was part of the nation-wide "Gas Out",
but on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his
lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation. Which was ironic because there
was a man with a knife hiding in his back seat who would have killed him anyway.
Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk e-mail and you will receive four green M&M's,
but if you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble
will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: you will get cancer from
the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your wife will develop breast cancer from using the
antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the government will put a tax on your
e-mails forever. I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet. >>
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