Do you think marriage is a good idea?

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Eug

Lifer
Mar 11, 2000
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I see both sides...I think in the past, a lot of people were stuck in crappy relationships that they felt they couldn't get out of. But I've also seen people younger than me get divorced for really dumb reasons rather than try to work it out or get counseling because we live in such an instant-gratification time right now.

Nah. If it's not working, then it's not working. You can choose with your partner to work at it, but more often than not, the partner is not willing to work at it even if you are. If that's the case, then prolonging the marriage just prolongs the crap.

What type of "dumb reasons" are you talking about, because in my limited experience if it's a "dumb reason", it was probably never going to work in the first place, and the "dumb reason" was just the tip of the iceberg.

And honestly, even as a Gen X'er, I'm not entirely convinced it's necessarily THAT much more of an instant gratification time right now, at least compared to say a couple of decades ago. Young'uns were still often very impulsive and foolish as they always have been. Except in the past, if they stupidly got married, then they'd be stuck in it for longer than need be. It's one thing to be stuck in a dead marriage, but it's another to be stuck in an abusive one. At least now, it's easier to get out of both.
 
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Zstream

Diamond Member
Oct 24, 2005
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When my wife and I were about to get married, nearly 27 years ago, we had to see the priest at the church that she didn't attend for counseling. My friends who got married at one of the Catholic churches had to go through weeks of counseling/classes on marriage. The first thing the priest asked me is, "why do you want to get married?" I spoke for a minute or two, and his face looked stunned. He pointed out when I finished that I hadn't mentioned, "because we're in love." I said, "oh, well, that too, I figured that was obvious." He then proceeded to mock all the people who came to him and said "we want to get married, because we're in love," and pointed out that while love was a requirement, if that was the main reason, the marriage was off to a bad start, because after a few years, that same idea of love develops into something else. In the early stages, it's more of a puppy love type of feeling, and that almost always fades - at which point, a lot of couples call it quits, or cheat to get that feeling again. So, we've been happily married for going on 3 decades. Unfortunately for you, I don't remember what I told the priest, just that I forgot to mention that we were in love.

And, for 27 years, there have been very few arguments. I've learned not to worry about trivial details, like her having $2k on a credit card, and $5k in the checking account, but breaking the payment to the credit card over 2 months because she doesn't want our checking account balance to go down so much - she'd rather it stay fairly steady, rather than bounce up and down. I tried to explain once, but now just roll my eyes - what's more important - fighting over $15 or 20 in interest every once in a while? That's a trivial amount compared to peace in the home. And, likewise, she doesn't complain about things like me buying lunch 5 days a week and never packing a lunch, despite our joint grocery trip shopping including plenty of lunch foods for me to pack.


I wish more people read this. I used to fight over this stuff and have realized it's just stupid. The more you realize that half the arguments are over stupid things, you begin to have a good solid friendship.

I think marriage is more of a religious thing really. What's the point of marriage if you don't have that type of religious or faith about you.

If I was agnostic or atheist, I'd definitely not get married.
 

Eug

Lifer
Mar 11, 2000
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I think marriage is more of a religious thing really. What's the point of marriage if you don't have that type of religious or faith about you.

If I was agnostic or atheist, I'd definitely not get married.
In our case, we never went with the marriage thing mainly because I'm not religious and my wife isn't really either (non-practicing). However, our status is effectively the same thing, in terms of wills and finances and other laws. Luckily the legal side has finally caught up in Canada. People who choose not to undergo this religious or civil ceremony generally get the same legal benefits that married couples had in the past... so marriage is fast becoming more of a tradition than a necessary legal contract.

Actually, for a while there we were wondering if having that legal status was not a good thing, mainly because there were some tax disadvantages in our case for having that status. However, lately, esp. since we have two kids, having that status benefits us financially to a certain extent tax-wise. But whether we liked it or not, it was moot, since as far as the tax man was concerned, we had that status, and therefore couldn't exploit advantages of being single tax-wise.
 
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BurnItDwn

Lifer
Oct 10, 1999
26,368
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Marriage can be a way to save money via tax or insurance incentives in the USA. Woman lost her job and has been lazy about finding a new one .. if we were married It would save me thousands of dollars on taxes, also it would be cheaper to put her on my health insurance plan than it is for her to get the plan from the public exchange.

Overall, It would save over 5K a year.

Now, I believe likely that it will end in a divorce, since my parents divorced, all of my aunts and uncles divorced, and most of my married friends divorced.... So, Im not marrying until prenup terms are agreed upon by both of us ...
 

PricklyPete

Lifer
Sep 17, 2002
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Why would you want your wife to be your best friend? Do you tell your wife everything? Are you friends with your wife of Facebook?

I can't see me friending my wife online in any social media accounts (not like i do social media anyway).

I'd rather have real friends I can go to and tell certain things to, no my significant other. :p



Not sure if trolling or serious.
 

JulesMaximus

No Lifer
Jul 3, 2003
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I yet to to meet a gen x'er and above that has had a successful marriage so far.

Baby boomers still seem to being going strong though.

7 year itch, 20 year ditch is my experience so far.

I'm a gen x'er and have been with the same woman for 26 years (she's the same age as me). We're coming up on 24 years of marriage this September.
 

Atreus21

Lifer
Aug 21, 2007
12,001
571
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I yet to to meet a gen x'er and above that has had a successful marriage so far.

Baby boomers still seem to being going strong though.

7 year itch, 20 year ditch is my experience so far.

Yes, provided you're prepared to take your vow of "in good times and in bad" seriously. Because there will be bad times. If your prospective spouse is willing to hold up under similar pressure, go for it.

Because it's worth it.
 

BarkingGhostar

Diamond Member
Nov 20, 2009
8,410
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I yet to to meet a gen x'er and above that has had a successful marriage so far.

Baby boomers still seem to being going strong though.

7 year itch, 20 year ditch is my experience so far.
You are not meeting them because they maybe choosing to not meet you.

Gen X here. Married to my wife of 19 years (been together +22). It isn't rocket science, but it takes more than an idiot to understand the psychology and mechanics.
 

ponyo

Lifer
Feb 14, 2002
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I see people say you have work on your marriage. I don't know. We never worked on ours. If you have to work on your marriage, maybe you're not with the right person? We don't really fight and we get along great. If you have to constantly work at it, I imagine that would get tiring and you're just delaying the inevitable failure.
 

JulesMaximus

No Lifer
Jul 3, 2003
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I see people say you have work on your marriage. I don't know. We never worked on ours. If you have to work on your marriage, maybe you're not with the right person? We don't really fight and we get along great. If you have to constantly work at it, I imagine that would get tiring and you're just delaying the inevitable failure.

You shouldn't have to constantly work on it but you should make an effort to a) listen and b) be interested in your spouse and what their day was like. My wife and I don't fight but we do get annoyed with each other from time to time. Despite that though we do enjoy each other and spending time together. We also make each other laugh which is good.
 

pete6032

Diamond Member
Dec 3, 2010
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Is it considered trolling if a poster starts a thread with an open ended question only to use the responses to the question as a springboard for insulting respondents?
 

IEC

Elite Member
Super Moderator
Jun 10, 2004
14,607
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I am gen x and have been married 11 years now, and I love it. My wife and I have a great relationship. I have no reason to believe that it won't continue like that. Of course I do know people that aren't happy in their marriage, also. I will leave you with this advice:

greener.jpg

^ This is a wise man, with a wise attitude.
 

zerocool84

Lifer
Nov 11, 2004
36,041
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Been with the same person for 15 years and have two kids. Not married in the traditional sense. Never saw the point. No tax advantage, that's for sure (since we're considered common law anyway by the tax man), and we're not religious. I have no religion, and my wife is non-practicing.

I'm glad we didn't get sucked into putting $$$$$ into an inane wedding ceremony. That went into our mortgage instead. Yeah, you can spend very little on a wedding, but it just floors me how many middle-class people will spend 5 figures on a one-day ceremony.

People don't HAVE to get married. You're not, yet that doesn't mean you don't love that person any less. Being married to someone doesn't mean you loved them any less but it's engrained in our society that you have to get married. Why can't you just be with that person? Tax reasons?
 

KeithTalent

Elite Member | Administrator | No Lifer
Administrator
Nov 30, 2005
50,231
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Nope, it's idiotic, yet I managed to get roped in twice. Stupid social constructs. :shakesfist:

KT
 

Chaotic42

Lifer
Jun 15, 2001
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Sure, for some people. It's not anything I'm interested in at the moment or in the foreseeable future. I need a lot of down time where I'm not accountable to anyone and can just be alone if I so choose.
 

AreaAffect

Member
Jul 10, 2016
39
0
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People get married with good intentions.

It's important to note, that people grow and change.

Some couples can grow together, and in similar ways and at similar speeds. The marriages usually last.

Some couples grow apart, or at different speeds, often one person leaving the other behind either socially, behaviorally, economically/professionally. These marriages can last, if the prerequisites are there: honestly, love, and most important: reasonableness. If those things are not present, then these marriages fail.

The most important part of any marriage is reasonableness.

Sometimes even when all the elements for success exist, a marriage can end anyway. I was married for 12 years and my wife and I mutually chose to end our marriage. We grew into different people with different goals, and different ideals. We are still very good friends. A marriage doesn't need to end in anger, or hatred if you have that most important thing: reasonableness.
 

Fritzo

Lifer
Jan 3, 2001
41,920
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I got married 20 years ago and it's still the best thing I ever did. I couldn't imagine NOT being married. Best part is I get to have sex with my best friend all the time :D
 

Bird222

Diamond Member
Jun 7, 2004
3,641
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I think it can be a good thing. There are some legal things that need to be changed in my opinion. I think it's too easy to get married and too hard to get divorced. Watch "Divorce Corp." on Netflix and you'll see what I mean.
 

Kaido

Elite Member & Kitchen Overlord
Feb 14, 2004
52,264
7,566
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I think it can be a good thing. There are some legal things that need to be changed in my opinion. I think it's too easy to get married and too hard to get divorced. Watch "Divorce Corp." on Netflix and you'll see what I mean.

Social requirements are crazy things. I think all you need to get married, technically, is what, $50 & show up at the office to get a marriage certificate? Same thing to become president...if you're a dude in a missile silo, you have to undergo endless psychological testing. If you're the president who calls the shots on launching those things, you just need to look good on television & win over the majority of the population. Life is weird.
 

piasabird

Lifer
Feb 6, 2002
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I have been married for about 30 years to the same woman. Marriage is like a refining fire. It makes you a whole person and it binds generations of people together. It makes crazy single people civilized if it works out. Marriage has 2 very important factors that can make it work. One is compromise and the other is casting off of selfishness. You are forced to be less greedy and work together for the common good. Having children, ensures the next generation. Children definitely require some sacrifice and compassion if it is all to work out successfully. Children are our chance to continue our civilization. If you think about it, you have to have someone to pay for your social security.
 

Fritzo

Lifer
Jan 3, 2001
41,920
2,162
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I have been married for about 30 years to the same woman. Marriage is like a refining fire. It makes you a whole person and it binds generations of people together. It makes crazy single people civilized if it works out. Marriage has 2 very important factors that can make it work. One is compromise and the other is casting off of selfishness. You are forced to be less greedy and work together for the common good. Having children, ensures the next generation. Children definitely require some sacrifice and compassion if it is all to work out successfully. Children are our chance to continue our civilization. If you think about it, you have to have someone to pay for your social security.

This is a good way of putting it. You essentially forget about yourself and live through your family. Instead of one life, you get to live multiple lives. You'll see little bits and pieces of you become part of your wife and kids over time, and it can be a great source of keeping centered.
 

Puffnstuff

Lifer
Mar 9, 2005
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I was married once for just over 18 years when she passed away and that was 13 year ago. Marriage is something that both parties must be committed to and you have to discover each other before you commit to it. Too many people get married only to discover later that they didn't really know the other person and end up being miserable or get divorced. You certainly do not want to tie the knot with an abusive person and if you see any oddities while you're dating them you should heed the warning.
 

JulesMaximus

No Lifer
Jul 3, 2003
74,599
1,003
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I have been married for about 30 years to the same woman. Marriage is like a refining fire. It makes you a whole person and it binds generations of people together. It makes crazy single people civilized if it works out. Marriage has 2 very important factors that can make it work. One is compromise and the other is casting off of selfishness. You are forced to be less greedy and work together for the common good. Having children, ensures the next generation. Children definitely require some sacrifice and compassion if it is all to work out successfully. Children are our chance to continue our civilization. If you think about it, you have to have someone to pay for your social security.

Agreed. :thumbsup:

Compromise is essential for a marriage to last.
 
Feb 25, 2011
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For some people, it's a great idea. For others, it's a terrible idea.

Take a good, long look in the mirror before you get hitched. Then take a better, longer look at your intended.