Do you think marriage is a good idea?

[Mayne]

I yet to to meet a gen x'er and above that has had a successful marriage so far.

Baby boomers still seem to being going strong though.

7 year itch, 20 year ditch is my experience so far.

 

[Mayne]

I think I hit home to hard with this thread.

 

[Red Squirrel]

I think it's a good idea if you want to start a family but only if you truly love and want to spend the rest of your life with the other person. I think too many people now days do it just to try to be conventional, and it fails. Personally I have zero interest in marriage, I just don't really like the idea of constantly having someone else living with me, I'm too introvert for that. I like time to myself.

 

[NikolaeVarius]

I can see its use as a legal mechanism but as a social thing? Not really.

Personally don't have any interest in marriage, don't quite see the appeal.

 

[Mayne]

I think it's a good idea if you want to start a family but only if you truly love and want to spend the rest of your life with the other person. I think too many people now days do it just to try to be conventional, and it fails. Personally I have zero interest in marriage, I just don't really like the idea of constantly having someone else living with me, I'm too introvert for that. I like time to myself.

spoken like any man.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

Marriage is a cultural institution and a social necessity. Nothing would destroy civilization faster than the typical ATOT basement dweller becoming the majority.

 

[Mayne]

Marriage is a cultural institution and a social necessity. Nothing would destroy civilization faster than the typical ATOT basement dweller becoming the majority.

i know you are fuckign with us.

 

[Kaido]

Yes, I think marriage is a good idea.

I've seen a lot of people turned off towards the idea for a variety of reasons. Probably the biggest one is that a lot of kids come from broken homes. Growing up in the 80's, it was very odd to find anyone with divorced parents. In the 90's, it started to become more common. Today, it's more the norm to find someone whose parents aren't divorced than are still married. I would say a large majority of my friends who had divorced or separated parents had the idea of marriage ruined because of that...rather than going through that pain themselves & subsequently inflicting that pain on their future kids, they decided that they were better off not getting married. Which is unfortunate, because you always have the choice to do better than the role models in your life did.

I think it's way too easy to get a divorce today. It almost seems as easy as buying something from Best Buy & then returning it these days. I think a lot of people's problems could be solved with marriage counseling rather than just calling it quits. On the flip side, I also know plenty of people who should really be divorced rather than staying together & are just constantly punishing themselves by trying to make it work. It's a two-way street...if your partner isn't willing to play ball, sometimes there's not much you can do about it & it's better to go your separate ways. There's a good TED Talk by Esther Perel on why happy couples cheat, which is definitely worth listening to:

http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_per...alk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved?language=en

It's hard to think ahead too...when you get old, do you want to lonely, or do you want to be with a spouse you love & trust and have kids & grandkids to hang out with? Tinder says "right now", marriage says "forever". The social world we live in today is vastly different than the ones are parents grew up in, which has also contributed to how & what people think about marriage. I think having the Internet has actually reduced the need for social interaction IRL, especially if you're introverted like the majority of computer-technical people are...there are webcams, chatrooms, forums, voice chats, online gaming, and so on to keep yourself socially entertained without having to actually go out in the real world. If your needs are constantly being fulfilled, why would you look further? It's an easy trap to fall into:

 

[Mayne]

kaido I appreciate your wall of text..but that was complete bullshit.

 

[Kaido]

Marriage is a cultural institution and a social necessity. Nothing would destroy civilization faster than the typical ATOT basement dweller becoming the majority.

Surprisingly, from everything I've studied about history, the disintegration of the family seems to recurringly be one of the main reasons that societies fall apart. There are a lot of interesting studies about the family as a building block of society.

 

[Mayne]

Surprisingly, from everything I've studied about history, the disintegration of the family seems to recurringly be one of the main reasons that societies fall apart. There are a lot of interesting studies about the family as a building block of society.

It's the reason I made this thread.

 

[Kaido]

kaido I appreciate your wall of text..but that was complete bull

Everyone is entitled to their opinion; this is a discussion forum, after all - please feel free to elaborate! Your OP question was, "Do you think marriage is a good idea?"

 

[Mayne]

Everyone is entitled to their opinion; this is a discussion forum, after all - please feel free to elaborate! Your OP question was, "Do you think marriage is a good idea?"

my apologies Kaido, i'm just kind of pissed off about stuff right now.

 

[Kaido]

It's the reason I made this thread.

It's an interesting idea, especially because America is such a young nation; it's not quite clear what the future holds for us. But between the foundation of the Constitution & the melting pot of diversity we have here, it's created a really interesting & explosive change system. In less than a hundred years, we've solved a lot of issues like racial segregation, women's rights, and other things that the bulk of other countries are still struggling with.

 

[Mayne]

It's an interesting idea, especially because America is such a young nation; it's not quite clear what the future holds for us. But between the foundation of the Constitution & the melting pot of diversity we have here, it's created a really interesting & explosive change system. In less than a hundred years, we've solved a lot of issues like racial segregation, women's rights, and other things that the bulk of other countries are still struggling with.

its funny from a gen x person point of view. So many marriages destroyed after 20 years.

 

[Kaido]

my apologies Kaido, i'm just kind of pissed off about stuff right now.

Well then vent! Not working through stuff just makes it more upsetting.

Everybody has their own unique background. One of my brother's best friends came from one of the strangest home backgrounds I've ever seen & vowed never to get married, even though he would make a great husband & an awesome father because he's a cool guy. His parents told him they were getting divorced once he graduated high school, which put an awful lot of pressure on him. But then, it wasn't financially prudent to do so, so they just split up the house & saw other people in their half of the house throughout his high school years. I don't think he will ever consider marriage as an option ever because it screwed with his brain so much that he just can't see marriage as a good thing. And it's kind of hard to overcome that when emotionally, your parents place you as the pivot point for keeping their marriage together. Families can get complicated quick man.

 

[Mayne]

Well then vent! Not working through stuff just makes it more upsetting.

Everybody has their own unique background. One of my brother's best friends came from one of the strangest home backgrounds I've ever seen & vowed never to get married, even though he would make a great husband & an awesome father because he's a cool guy. His parents told him they were getting divorced once he graduated high school, which put an awful lot of pressure on him. But then, it wasn't financially prudent to do so, so they just split up the house & saw other people in their half of the house throughout his high school years. I don't think he will ever consider marriage as an option ever because it screwed with his brain so much that he just can't see marriage as a good thing. And it's kind of hard to overcome that when emotionally, your parents place you as the pivot point for keeping their marriage together. Families can get complicated quick man.

and some of your friends get past that bullshit and thrive..its a weird world we live in. I have to hand it to them that do.

 

[Kaido]

its funny from a gen x person point of view. So many marriages destroyed after 20 years.

I'm definitely the oddball among my friends. I got married in my early 20's, been married 10+ years now. It hasn't been without rough patches for sure, but I've also been fortunate that my spouse hasn't gone off the deep end & cheated on me, or gone nuts with spending money & gone into massive debt, or became an alcoholic, or created some other situation that would make it overly difficult to not disintegrate the marriage.

I knew a guy who got married, came home one day a few months later, and his wife had left her Facebook open. Chat history revealed she had been cheating on him their entire short marriage (as well as before). He was so mad he simply packed his things, got the divorce papers, left them on the table, and took off. It's a two-way street...sometimes you can be the mature one & the other person isn't, and so what choice do you really have? Sometimes it's both people being immature. Sometimes people just need therapy to work through issues rather than getting a divorce.

In the past, it was a lot more difficult to get a divorce, and not just legal-wise but also socially because there was more of a stigma associated with being divorced in the past. But there were also a lot of really unhappy people stuck in relationships that didn't work. Every relationship is unique because every couple is different. You need two people who not only want to get married, but are also willing to stick it out long-term even when they run into problems. I think we in the current generation are a lot more accustomed to instant gratification, so if something doesn't suit you, why not just move on rather than trying to fix it & make it work?

 

[Mayne]

I'm definitely the oddball among my friends. I got married in my early 20's, been married 10+ years now. It hasn't been without rough patches for sure, but I've also been fortunate that my spouse hasn't gone off the deep end & cheated on me, or gone nuts with spending money & gone into massive debt, or became an alcoholic, or created some other situation that would make it overly difficult to not disintegrate the marriage.

I knew a guy who got married, came home one day a few months later, and his wife had left her Facebook open. Chat history revealed she had been cheating on him their entire short marriage (as well as before). He was so mad he simply packed his things, got the divorce papers, left them on the table, and took off. It's a two-way street...sometimes you can be the mature one & the other person isn't, and so what choice do you really have? Sometimes it's both people being immature. Sometimes people just need therapy to work through issues rather than getting a divorce.

In the past, it was a lot more difficult to get a divorce, and not just legal-wise but also socially because there was more of a stigma associated with being divorced in the past. But there were also a lot of really unhappy people stuck in relationships that didn't work. Every relationship is unique because every couple is different. You need two people who not only want to get married, but are also willing to stick it out long-term even when they run into problems. I think we in the current generation are a lot more accustomed to instant gratification, so if something doesn't suit you, why not just move on rather than trying to fix it & make it work?

not to make your reply simple & short..but yeah it makes sense. I hear you.

 

[Kaido]

and some of your friends get past that bs and thrive..its a weird world we live in. I have to hand it to them that do.

Yup...I think that's an even harder challenge because you've got the psychology aspect of it to overcome as well. My buddy was dating an awesome girl who came from a severely broken home, super nasty divorce, and as soon as he started talking commitment stuff, she walled up & ghosted him. I ran into her some time later & that's basically what it boiled down to, she just couldn't see herself in any kind of remotely committed relationship. But then, it doesn't bother other people, and still other people get motivated to do better rather than calling it quits. Thing is you can't judge someone based on that because you have no idea how they feel inside & how they see things because of the way they grew up.

There's actually a pretty good quote from LOTR when Frodo is lamenting to Gandalf & says, “I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” So basically, you can look at the past & the present and say "we're screwed, why bother?" or you can decide to apply your own take on things, like marriage, rather than being ruled by history or by the scary statistics of modern living that exist out there.

 

[Greenman]

I've been married for 32 years, and it looks like it's going to become a long term relationship.

 

[Mayne]

I do really wish you all that are in over 20 year relationships. You made it over that damn hump.

 

[Vaux]

I am gen x and have been married 11 years now, and I love it. My wife and I have a great relationship. I have no reason to believe that it won't continue like that. Of course I do know people that aren't happy in their marriage, also. I will leave you with this advice:

 

[Mayne]

Vaux will be the next to fail in the next 10 years..so it is, say it will be.

 

[ponyo]

15 years happily married and it seems like yesterday. I can't remember the last time we fought.