Do you think it's acceptable to hide things from others on your computer?

[DougK62]

I don't hide my stuff. If my SO were to snoop and find the porn the relationship would be done. Snooping/spying is not acceptable. If you want to know something then ask me.

 

[Fausto]

Originally posted by: Marlin1975

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Marlin1975

Originally posted by: Red
Looks like a couple of threads have surfaced about sig. others finding AIM convo's, porn, and other things that people did not want them to see.



Maybe it's just me, but don't you think you're in the wrong by hiding something? If you want to watch porn or engage in AIM coversations with other females/males, then tell your sig. other you are doing so and deal with it at that point. If they don't want you to watch porn or engage in conversations with other people, then either tell them to fvck off and deal with it, or stop hiding things from them.



Hiding things is basically lying IMHO.

AGREED.


And SOME people wonder why divorce rate is like up to 60%+ now.

Out of curiousity, are you married?

Nope, but I have had a couple very long relationships (longer then some peoples marriages) and they did NOT end because of lying, cheating, or not being honest with each other.
Does not take a genius to see that doing any of those things are wrong, and trying to tell yourself they are not should be your first sign that it is.

I've been with the same woman since 1990 (married since 97) and I guess my point is that you're really oversimplifying this issue. There's a big difference between looking at pr0n on the sly now and then and the kind of stuff that will actually pull a relationship apart. Granted, one may be indicative of the other, but this isn't necessarily the case. Relationships fail because people stop communicating and allow various issues to fester. On the other hand, absolute openess in a relationship is essentially impossible and not healthy. Everyone needs their own space and not everything that goes through one's mind should be expressed to one's SO.

 

[pulse8]

Originally posted by: Marlin1975

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Marlin1975

Originally posted by: Red
Looks like a couple of threads have surfaced about sig. others finding AIM convo's, porn, and other things that people did not want them to see.



Maybe it's just me, but don't you think you're in the wrong by hiding something? If you want to watch porn or engage in AIM coversations with other females/males, then tell your sig. other you are doing so and deal with it at that point. If they don't want you to watch porn or engage in conversations with other people, then either tell them to fvck off and deal with it, or stop hiding things from them.



Hiding things is basically lying IMHO.

AGREED.


And SOME people wonder why divorce rate is like up to 60%+ now.

Out of curiousity, are you married?

Nope, but I have had a couple very long relationships (longer then some peoples marriages) and they did NOT end because of lying, cheating, or not being honest with each other.
Does not take a genius to see that doing any of those things are wrong, and trying to tell yourself they are not should be your first sign that it is.

I've had long relationships (current one is entering a year and last one was almost 4 years) and the first on did NOT end because of lying, cheating and not being honest with each other. Also, we did not tell each other EVERYTHING. There were things she didn't know about me and I'm sure there were some that I didn't know about her, but respecting her privacy is part of a mature relationship, IMO.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

/warms hands over the blazing fires of ignorance

If my s/o disapproved of porn or chatting with others, her ass would have been on the curb a long time ago.

- M4H

 

[theNEOone]

Originally posted by: Fausto
I've been with the same woman since 1990 (married since 97) and I guess my point is that you're really oversimplifying this issue. There's a big difference between looking at pr0n on the sly now and then and the kind of stuff that will actually pull a relationship apart. Granted, one may be indicative of the other, but this isn't necessarily the case. Relationships fail because people stop communicating and allow various issues to fester. On the other hand, absolute openess in a relationship is essentially impossible and not healthy. Everyone needs their own space and not everything that goes through one's mind should be expressed to one's SO.

DING DING DING MOTHERFVCKING DING



=|

 

[Red]

Originally posted by: theNEOone

Originally posted by: Fausto
I've been with the same woman since 1990 (married since 97) and I guess my point is that you're really oversimplifying this issue. There's a big difference between looking at pr0n on the sly now and then and the kind of stuff that will actually pull a relationship apart. Granted, one may be indicative of the other, but this isn't necessarily the case. Relationships fail because people stop communicating and allow various issues to fester. On the other hand, absolute openess in a relationship is essentially impossible and not healthy. Everyone needs their own space and not everything that goes through one's mind should be expressed to one's SO.

DING DING DING MOTHERFVCKING DING



=|

I agree that it's essential for a person to have privacy and their own space. But I'm not seeing how that translates into exchanging pictures with someone over AIM or viewing porn by yourself, ESPECIALLY if your sig. other disapproves.

 

[Anubis]

Originally posted by: minendo
It's my computer. No one else uses it so I don't have to hide anything. Nor do I have anything worth hiding.

same here my GF checks her email on it sometimes, but she is kinda slow when it comes to computers anyway

 

[RagingBITCH]

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: theNEOone

Originally posted by: Fausto

I've been with the same woman since 1990 (married since 97) and I guess my point is that you're really oversimplifying this issue. There's a big difference between looking at pr0n on the sly now and then and the kind of stuff that will actually pull a relationship apart. Granted, one may be indicative of the other, but this isn't necessarily the case. Relationships fail because people stop communicating and allow various issues to fester. On the other hand, absolute openess in a relationship is essentially impossible and not healthy. Everyone needs their own space and not everything that goes through one's mind should be expressed to one's SO.

DING DING DING MOTHERFVCKING DING

=|

I agree that it's essential for a person to have privacy and their own space. But I'm not seeing how that translates into exchanging pictures with someone over AIM or viewing porn by yourself, ESPECIALLY if your sig. other disapproves.

What he is saying is total compromise/openness is impossible for a relationship to work. In order for one to work, you cannot constantly give in or appease your SO, whether its in regards to privacy, or something as simple as what you eat. Would you give up meat if your SO was a vegetarian and she asked you? I wouldn't - she can stfu for all I care. In regards to the AIM/porn - different people have different boundaries in their relationships.

To say:

" No, it's not, and you suck if you do it"

Is just retarded.

 

[K1052]

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: theNEOone

Originally posted by: Fausto

I've been with the same woman since 1990 (married since 97) and I guess my point is that you're really oversimplifying this issue. There's a big difference between looking at pr0n on the sly now and then and the kind of stuff that will actually pull a relationship apart. Granted, one may be indicative of the other, but this isn't necessarily the case. Relationships fail because people stop communicating and allow various issues to fester. On the other hand, absolute openess in a relationship is essentially impossible and not healthy. Everyone needs their own space and not everything that goes through one's mind should be expressed to one's SO.

DING DING DING MOTHERFVCKING DING







=|

I agree that it's essential for a person to have privacy and their own space. But I'm not seeing how that translates into exchanging pictures with someone over AIM or viewing porn by yourself, ESPECIALLY if your sig. other disapproves.

Well, I am sure glad you are here to set the standards as to what is and is not private in other people's lives. We wouldn't know what to do without you.


Sorry if that comes out as harsh. Most of us are well aware of your view on this issue so lets let it be, Ok?

 

[spidey07]

the point is if a SO disapproves she wouldn't be my SO anymore. your SO is supposed to accept you for who you are...NOT change you into what she/he wants you to be.

That leads to seriously messed up relationships/marriages.

And to the OP - hiding something and not completely telling the truth is not lieing. Tell the truth the next time your wife says "I look fat" or "does this make my butt look big".

go on...I dare you.

 

[Eli]

Originally posted by: RagingBITCH
You're not hiding anything by not telling someone. If they ask and you hide it, yes that is hiding/lying. Otherwise, it's called privacy and it's none of their god damn business if you don't tell them.

Interesting perspective.

I have a suspicion that you are going to have relationship issues, however.

 

[phantom309]

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: theNEOone

Originally posted by: Fausto

I've been with the same woman since 1990 (married since 97) and I guess my point is that you're really oversimplifying this issue. There's a big difference between looking at pr0n on the sly now and then and the kind of stuff that will actually pull a relationship apart. Granted, one may be indicative of the other, but this isn't necessarily the case. Relationships fail because people stop communicating and allow various issues to fester. On the other hand, absolute openess in a relationship is essentially impossible and not healthy. Everyone needs their own space and not everything that goes through one's mind should be expressed to one's SO.

DING DING DING MOTHERFVCKING DING







=|

I agree that it's essential for a person to have privacy and their own space. But I'm not seeing how that translates into exchanging pictures with someone over AIM or viewing porn by yourself, ESPECIALLY if your sig. other disapproves.

Cybering is much more dangerous for a marriage than just viewing pr0n, because cybering actually involves another real person. Pr0n is strictly a one-way relationship; it's really unlikely that Asia Carerra is going to get your ip and show up at your house clutching a kitchen knife and demanding you divorce your wife.

 

[Red]

Originally posted by: spidey07
the point is if a SO disapproves she wouldn't be my SO anymore. your SO is supposed to accept you for who you are...NOT change you into what she/he wants you to be.

That leads to seriously messed up relationships/marriages.

Soo.. if your SO didn't approve of your porn addiction, you'd dump him/her? Is it that serious of an issue for you or her? I think most relationships fail because people like yourself are too selfish anymore to either change your habits or adjust yourself to your SO because your stubborn / greedy / unwilling to compromise.

 

[Fausto]

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: spidey07

the point is if a SO disapproves she wouldn't be my SO anymore. your SO is supposed to accept you for who you are...NOT change you into what she/he wants you to be.



That leads to seriously messed up relationships/marriages.

Soo.. if your SO didn't approve of your porn addiction, you'd dump him/her? Is it that serious of an issue for you or her? I think most relationships fail because people like yourself are too selfish anymore to either change your habits or adjust yourself to your SO because your stubborn / greedy / unwilling to compromise.

So now it's porn addiction? Again, big difference between compulsive need to look at smut vs. checking out a boobies link now and then. Same with the AIM thing (as pointed out); chatting vs. cybering.

Edit- I think your one-man crusade against the evils of pr0n is clouding your judgement on this issue.

 

[spidey07]

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: spidey07

the point is if a SO disapproves she wouldn't be my SO anymore. your SO is supposed to accept you for who you are...NOT change you into what she/he wants you to be.



That leads to seriously messed up relationships/marriages.

Soo.. if your SO didn't approve of your porn addiction, you'd dump him/her? Is it that serious of an issue for you or her? I think most relationships fail because people like yourself are too selfish anymore to either change your habits or adjust yourself to your SO because your stubborn / greedy / unwilling to compromise.

If she didn't approve I'd simply say that I enjoy visual stimulation as an aid.

Changing oneself for a SO is very dangerous territory. Seriously, read some relationship books or go through counseling. Changing behaviors or how you react/communicate/compromise is healthy...changing oneself is not. Giving up a visual aid because the SO is so insecure in herself and sexuality means SHE has the problem. There is no compromise there...only her saying "don't do it." That's not compromise...that is trying to change me. Do you think I'd even have the nerve or gaul to ask her to give up her toy?

NO! because it brings her pleasure and I want her to have pleasure and respect her desires.

 

[Red]

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: spidey07

the point is if a SO disapproves she wouldn't be my SO anymore. your SO is supposed to accept you for who you are...NOT change you into what she/he wants you to be.



That leads to seriously messed up relationships/marriages.

Soo.. if your SO didn't approve of your porn addiction, you'd dump him/her? Is it that serious of an issue for you or her? I think most relationships fail because people like yourself are too selfish anymore to either change your habits or adjust yourself to your SO because your stubborn / greedy / unwilling to compromise.

So now it's porn addiction? Again, big difference between compulsive need to look at smut vs. checking out a boobies link now and then. Same with the AIM thing (as pointed out); chatting vs. cybering.

Edit- I think your one-man crusade against the evils of pr0n is clouding your judgement on this issue.

Well, this is an opinion thread, but I'm not trying to target porn addiction directly. As started in the OP, Im mainly interested in how people play the "privacy" card when hiding questionable behavior on their computer, their cell phone, wallet, etc. I don't see how openness or alone time means that a person should be insecure about having their SO use / browse their computer if asked.

BTW, I need more wine advice, I'll PM you.

 

[Hayabusa Rider]

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Marlin1975

Originally posted by: Fausto

Originally posted by: Marlin1975

Originally posted by: Red
Looks like a couple of threads have surfaced about sig. others finding AIM convo's, porn, and other things that people did not want them to see.



Maybe it's just me, but don't you think you're in the wrong by hiding something? If you want to watch porn or engage in AIM coversations with other females/males, then tell your sig. other you are doing so and deal with it at that point. If they don't want you to watch porn or engage in conversations with other people, then either tell them to fvck off and deal with it, or stop hiding things from them.



Hiding things is basically lying IMHO.

AGREED.


And SOME people wonder why divorce rate is like up to 60%+ now.

Out of curiousity, are you married?

Nope, but I have had a couple very long relationships (longer then some peoples marriages) and they did NOT end because of lying, cheating, or not being honest with each other.
Does not take a genius to see that doing any of those things are wrong, and trying to tell yourself they are not should be your first sign that it is.

I've been with the same woman since 1990 (married since 97) and I guess my point is that you're really oversimplifying this issue. There's a big difference between looking at pr0n on the sly now and then and the kind of stuff that will actually pull a relationship apart. Granted, one may be indicative of the other, but this isn't necessarily the case. Relationships fail because people stop communicating and allow various issues to fester. On the other hand, absolute openess in a relationship is essentially impossible and not healthy. Everyone needs their own space and not everything that goes through one's mind should be expressed to one's SO.

I have told you time and again to stop making sense. It confuses people here. Badly.


Why on earth is someone "obligated" to share everything I think or do? I NEVER go into my wifes purse, and I always ask her permission before going into her private space. Do I expect to find anything? Not really, but if I did, that would be MY fault for invading her space. Everyone has things (including me) I would rather not go over. I wanted a wife, not the thought police.

Also if you have to live your life in a way that someone else always approves of, then you are MORE likely to have trouble. You WILL come to hate the cage your marriage must become. Seems marriages have more problems not because of the lack of forced conformity, but by the absence of commitment and common sense.

 

[Red]

If she didn't approve I'd simply say that I enjoy visual stimulation as an aid.

Changing oneself for a SO is very dangerous territory. Seriously, read some relationship books or go through counseling. Changing behaviors or how you react/communicate/compromise is healthy...changing oneself is not. Giving up a visual aid because the SO is so insecure in herself and sexuality means SHE has the problem. There is no compromise there...only her saying "don't do it." That's not compromise...that is trying to change me. Do you think I'd even have the nerve or gaul to ask her to give up her toy?

NO! because it brings her pleasure and I want her to have pleasure and respect her desires.

That is ok and fine (above) because you both agree with it and you set it up how things really are. However, if she were to ask you to go through therapy with her because she thinks you are placing so much emphasis on sex and sexual desires because you require a visual aide, then what would you do? Would you deny the problem and therapy... tell her SHE needs help because she has that opinion? I think being open minded, and trying to see how other people view your behavior is necessary and great in a relationship. If you don't ever have a Sig. other advising you about your behavior and how it affects her and everyone else, how would you ever know that you need to change yourself for the better?

 

[oniq]

Originally posted by: minendo

Originally posted by: oniq

Originally posted by: minendo

Originally posted by: oniq

Originally posted by: Nanotech

Originally posted by: oniq
If you have to hide your conversations from your significant other, than obviously you aren't supposed to be having said conversations. If you are so "in need" of porn, you need to leave your sig. other and have fun playing with yourself. She shouldn't be subjected to your perverted ways.

Your right she shouldn't be subjected she should embrace your perverted ways!

Why should she embrace your corrupted ways? You need to see a psychologist if you think being a pervert is ok.

Don't start this assinine argument again. Stop preaching your beliefs and accept the fact that some people like sex. Hell, you may even like sex, but of course, you would have to get laid first.

Okay, no need for personal attacks there, buddy. :| My girlfriend and I are quite happy with the sex WE have. Why should I care for other people having sex? Thats twisted.

Get off your high horse and quit being concerned about others choice to look at porn. That was my point.

Quit being concerned about my opinion on the subject. That is my point.

 

[Shelly21]

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: spidey07

the point is if a SO disapproves she wouldn't be my SO anymore. your SO is supposed to accept you for who you are...NOT change you into what she/he wants you to be.



That leads to seriously messed up relationships/marriages.

Soo.. if your SO didn't approve of your porn addiction, you'd dump him/her? Is it that serious of an issue for you or her? I think most relationships fail because people like yourself are too selfish anymore to either change your habits or adjust yourself to your SO because your stubborn / greedy / unwilling to compromise.

Compromise is what probably will happen.

either:
1. no more relationship due to porn.
2. guy stop watching porn or pretend to stop to please the girl. (he changes or lying about changes)
3. girl agrees to let guy watch porn. (she changes)

You guys who will divorce your wife if she doesn't like your porn? Maybe it will happen in the beginning, but after you invested so much into the relationship? something's gotta give. Not saying the guy or the girl should change, it's up to the couple to deal with this.

 

[oniq]

Originally posted by: Jzero

Originally posted by: oniq
Why should she embrace your corrupted ways? You need to see a psychologist if you think being a pervert is ok.

If you think masturbation is perverted, I think you're the one that needs counselling.

Besides, if she was snooping on your computer and found porn, she subjected HERSELF to it, not the other way around.

I think looking at porn while you have a signficant other is perverted.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: Red

If she didn't approve I'd simply say that I enjoy visual stimulation as an aid.



Changing oneself for a SO is very dangerous territory. Seriously, read some relationship books or go through counseling. Changing behaviors or how you react/communicate/compromise is healthy...changing oneself is not. Giving up a visual aid because the SO is so insecure in herself and sexuality means SHE has the problem. There is no compromise there...only her saying "don't do it." That's not compromise...that is trying to change me. Do you think I'd even have the nerve or gaul to ask her to give up her toy?



NO! because it brings her pleasure and I want her to have pleasure and respect her desires.

That is ok and fine (above) because you both agree with it and you set it up how things really are. However, if she were to ask you to go through therapy with her because she thinks you are placing so much emphasis on sex and sexual desires because you require a visual aide, then what would you do? Would you deny the problem and therapy... tell her SHE needs help because she has that opinion? I think being open minded, and trying to see how other people view your behavior is necessary and great in a relationship. If you don't ever have a Sig. other advising you about your behavior and how it affects her and everyone else, how would you ever know that you need to change yourself for the better?

So whats the big deal then? He said if the woman didn't like his porn, he would dump her and now you say its ok because his girl doesn't care...if everything is hunky doory for us, why does it matter?

You can go ahead and continue bending to every whim of your woman until you fit her perfect mold if you like. But don't come crying to us if she dumps you because you don't have a backbone. But if *I* actually thought thats what marriage was about, I wouldn't bother with it.

 

[Rainsford]

Everyone has secrets, whether you hide them on the computer are not.

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: Shelly21

Originally posted by: Red

Originally posted by: spidey07

the point is if a SO disapproves she wouldn't be my SO anymore. your SO is supposed to accept you for who you are...NOT change you into what she/he wants you to be.



That leads to seriously messed up relationships/marriages.

Soo.. if your SO didn't approve of your porn addiction, you'd dump him/her? Is it that serious of an issue for you or her? I think most relationships fail because people like yourself are too selfish anymore to either change your habits or adjust yourself to your SO because your stubborn / greedy / unwilling to compromise.

Compromise is what probably will happen.

either:
1. no more relationship due to porn.
2. guy stop watching porn or pretend to stop to please the girl. (he changes or lying about changes)
3. girl agrees to let guy watch porn. (she changes)

You guys who will divorce your wife if she doesn't like your porn? Maybe it will happen in the beginning, but after you invested so much into the relationship? something's gotta give. Not saying the guy or the girl should change, it's up to the couple to deal with this.

Forced change breeds resentment and will ultimately undermine the relationship. You can't compromise fundamental differences away.

 

[GTaudiophile]

Setec Astronomy!

No good!